You cant chose your family (which is a shame...) *RANT*

Oh wow that sounds horrendous! Can't believe people can get that worked up about it, is it really the end of the world that they're not invited?! I suppose at least you're back to square one, with them not coming, but can't believe people can be so angry about it!

I hope they all calm down soon!

That's horrendous- sorry to hear you had to put up with that abuse. Maybe it's a good thing you found out their reaction now so you don't have to invite them? If someone spoke to me like that regarding something that isn't really anything to do with them (your wedding, your decision) they wouldn't be getting an invite at all! Shocking behaviour...

All I can say is oh my god! ?

I don't think anything you were proposing to do sounded unreasonable. All I'd say is now don't let yourself get drawn into anything on facebook, just let them get on with it.

Families - who'd have them!

Theres always something!

My other halfs family is a bit divided atm.

After his widowed older brother met someone else, his Mum now makes things difficult for them (ignores the new woman in his life and her children) and only gets in touch with the brother when she wants to see the grandkids.

We invited everyone just expecting that they would suck it up for a day for our sakes, but the MIL wasn't happy and the brother is now coming alone with his children as his gf didn't want to cause any arguments!

I feel your pain!

Shocking behaviour - at least you now know why you didn't want them coming in the first place - delete and blcok from facebook and move on. Your wedding, your decision, if they don't like it then stuff them. If you have only seen them 3 times in 15 years I don't think you need to feel bad.

Sorry you have this stress - x

Thanks all... I was starting to think that maybe I over reacted... but the more I read the conversations back, the more I know I have nothing to feel bad about!

To be fair, if they all decide to hate me and I never see them again, then I really havent lost anything.

I was a bit upset about it... but im not now... im just more shocked and annoyed by it all...

Sarah - sorry to hear you are having a bit of a stressful time too!! hope it all calms down!

Thanks ladies

Bloomin' Facebook! What happened to the good old days when people had the common courtesy to slag you off behind your back?!

You're better off without. They sound like thoroughly selfish and unpleasant people who are just after some free grub and booze at your expense, under the guise of family fealty.

Yep, i totally agree.... these people are only my family through blood... which to me, means bugger all!

If they were genuinely upset at not missing my big day, they wouldnt have reacted like this... they just all assumed id pay for the to enjoy a knees up... and now are angry because im not going to. At least it gives me a couple more spaces to invite people I really want there!

That's why we are inviting no one!! Just the two of us. either of us has parents alive so I guess that makes life easier but even my sister and niece and his daughter as we are telling nobody otherwise it just escalates and everyone gets upset.

I did start to think maybe we should invite a few people but when my sister barely looked at my ring and had a few digs about my fiancee still being married (we are awaiting his decree absolute) I just thought sod the lot of them I'll spend all day worrying about everyone else so I know I have made the right decision.

It's your day, invite who you like. You can't let anyone spoil your day it's about you and your future husband.

*shudders* take it as confirmation that you were spot on it not inviting such vile people!

If you never see them etc, why do they have access to your FB account? Delete them.

And their response just underlines why you didn't want them there in the first place.

*stupid family update*

Last night I received another message from my cousin on facebook... saying how sorry she was, and how she over reacted etc. And saying she only called me those horrible names because I told her to grow up (I did tell her to grow up, but only because she started with the bitchy attitude from the off!)

It is obvious that she is only saying sorry to try and get her invite to the evening do back... but now im in a quandry.

If i tell her to f**k off, im going to be the one who looks like a child... but I dont really want people there who treat me like that.

It sounds stupid probably, but i think im even more annoyed now she has apologised...! I mean, if she had of just left it and carried on being 'ranty' it was all simple, and I didnt need to invite her... now she is being nice im a little unsure of what to do.

oh - and the only reason I havent deleted them from facebook is because I wanted to be nosey and see if they say anything about me... petty and childish I know... haha

x

I would accept their apology but I still wouldn't invite them. Family should not behave like that no matter the situation.

Totally out of order on their behalf

This. I had a conversation with my mum t'other day about how it's important to follow things through when you have kids.

These people have acted like children, and should be treated as such. Say that you're very sorry- but- through their actions they have left you no choice. Place the responsibility firmly at their door and let them lick their wounds. That is not childish- that's good parenting! ? Not enough people take responsibility for their actions these days; source of a lot of problems in our society.

(Also, if that apology was genuine, she should have had the common decency to pick up the phone or speak to you face-to-face, NOT via poxy Facebook...)

Totally agree with this! I wouldn't accept an apology via fb, esp a back handed one ("I only said xyz because you said abc" that statement in itself does not accept any responsibility therefore is NOT a genuine apology).

You say your wedding is a year away so you don't really need to make an immediate decision yet. Personally, I wouldn't invite them. Stick to your guns. If it continues to create problems further down the line when you do send the invites out then at least you will be stronger and more able to deal with it.

Good luck x

Thanks for the support guys!

Yes, I agree - although she couldnt have called me as she doesnt even have my mobile number... although im sure she could have got this from my dad..

I think for now, I will just leave it... a lot can happen and change in a year... I will see how it all unfolds over the next 6 months, and go from there.

They wont be getting an invite to the day though, thats for sure.

xx

Good God, I couldn't ever imagine anyone being like that towards me - that's just outrageous! Sounds to me like you'd be better off without having them there anyway.

I totally agree with this. You cousin has apologised in a very half hearted way and now she wants an invite?! The way they are behaving now makes me wonder about how they will behave at your wedding....

Your first thought was not to invite any of them to the day and I think that was probably the right call! Both the aunty and cousin have shown pretty awful behaviour and I think you're right that they want a party with some free food and drinks, rather than actually celebrate your marriage.

As to whether you invite the cousin, or indeed any of them, to the evening I'd say wait and see. Accept the apology but very simply 'thank you for apologising' don't mention the wedding or get into another conversation about it. Then see what, if any contact, you or your Dad get from them over the next few months. If anyone asks you say you've not finalised the guest list yet.

Absolutely! Do not let their tantrums dictate what you do.

Flippin Eck!

This sounds like something that could potentially blow up in my family which is one of the reasons we are getting married abroad. I still worry that things are going to blow up between my aunties when they don't all get invites. I really hope the dust settles and your cousin exercises a bit more grace. I had a cousin delete me from facebook because I didn't go to her wedding (on a Friday, invited to the night do only, 5 hours drive from my house, during term time - I'm a teacher!) One less person I barely know to worry about inviting to mine!

Let's start a support group for women with crazy cousins!

Katie x

Good grief, what is it with some people and weddings?

Sounds like your first instinct was right, but as you say a lot can happen in six months.

I have been an evening guest for a few weddings, and have been very pleased to have been invited to share the person's day in any way, not offended at all with being an evening guest. My mum's cousin hasn't spoken to my mum since mum's wedding because she was "only" given an evening invite. She refused to attend, and has kept up this "feud" against mum for over 30 years! Very odd what weddings do to people.

Sounds like your Mum may have had a lucky escape ? imagine 30 years of that sort of nonsense every time you threw a party!!

Can I join the crazy cousins group please! We have cousins and other relatives complaining on their behalf that their partners - who we have either never met or only met a few times - have not been invited to the whole wedding, only the evening! Have tried to explain we are already over on our numbers but have been told we should un-invite friends and invite them instead as 'family' (which last time I checked cousins partners weren't family!) is more important!

I had this with my dads family. He came to the wedding on his own in the end. I didn't want them there.

Day not ruined at all so please don't worry. And do bloody delete them from facebook. You have no reason to be friends with them so don't. Its very simple.