Your thoughts?

I think you are being a touch over sensitive.

She may not want to choose a dress over there in case you don't like it.

I'm sure there will be a dress somewhere that you like, and as for the money, if you were going to pay for it anyway just leave the dress money in the wedding fund, then your not paying out extra, only what you would have been anyway? Does that make sense?

How long ago did you ask her? I dont think you're being over sensitive, you obviously would like to know, and I would personally not appreciate it all being left to the last minute, especially if she does end up not coming over

I would try and have a frank and honest conversation with her. Tell her you feel she has been a bit distant and that you would hate her to feel pressured into flying over if she hasnt got the money, etc. She might turn round and say that she didnt realise it was coming across that way, and end up being really excited! But she also might be worrying about talking to you about it. It does seem odd that she would want to leave it until February to buy a dress, but then again she might not realise that the season and style of dresses might not be what you want

I was asked to be a bridesmaid once for a wedding in Cape Town, and to begin with I was obviously so excited and honoured to be asked. But then when we worked out how much flights, accomodation etc will cost, we realised we'd be stretching ourselves, but didnt know how to bring it up with the B&G (In the end the wedding was cancelled anyway, but that was after we had booked our flights!)

I think you should just talk to her, you might find out you're worrying over nothing ?

xx

Sounds like a hard situation. I didn't realise organising other people would be so hard and slightly stressful... but you will get there. Be honest with each other. If you're good friends she'll understand why you're needing to know if she's looked or not had time to look yet etc.

You will always find nice dresses whatever time of year it is... online is also very good, and monsoon which is where I got my bridesmaid dresses from always has lovely dresses. If you can tick off everything else off your list, leave the bridesmaid dress until last. If she's the only big one then it will be easy and you can go with her on a mission

I probably would have felt like you, there were some things one of my bridesmaids was trying to leave until the week of the wedding because she was abroad the week before and I was like NOPE, do it before your holiday or it's not happening!!!

However, it would be really nice for you and her to shop together. It may seem a bit daunting for her, choosing it herself for YOUR wedding. You could make a lovely day/afternoon out of it.

And you'll have the cash, you just need to put it somewhere away from the rest. Ask a parent/sibling to hold it in an envelope for you if need be.

And regarding her not coming... maybe tell her you had this weird dream and she didn't make it and you were so upset... and it's helped you to realise you have a worry about that. Let her reassure you, but be gentle with her?

We booked our entire date around my brother, who lives in New Jersey, being able to come with his kids and step kids, but flights have gone up 60% since then and it's not happening now ☹️

I don't think your concerns are unfounded, however I can appreciate why she would want to shop with you. The thing that makes me doubt it is that your Mum never thought she would. It was my Mum who guessed my brother wouldn't come, months before he decided. Sometimes they do know best.

The thing is about shopping in February, it's end of season. March can be snowy or really mild but it's not so much that you won't be able to dress for the weather, it's just that you could see lots of end of line stuff you like but won't be the right size. Would be cheaper sale shopping though. Monsoon 70% off - get in! It's not like you have more than one BM to coordinate.