Are you having speeches before or after meal??

I agree, want to have time to digest my food before the evening guests arrive. We are doing ours after the meal.

After the afternoon tea, but before the BBQ.

In between! we are having a sharing platter starter, (and will have had canapes) then the speaches, then the rest of the meal.

Hadn't actually thought about the hunger issue - un believably as OH will be miserable if he is hungry... hmm, selfish bride! its a good point though........

We are having ours after the main course and before the sweet. Just gives us a little time to let food go down before the yummy dessert!!

We haven't made a decision about this yet. Initially, we were both slightly reticent to give out gifts in public - not really our style and seemed a bit "showy" (no offence intented to anyone doing this, it just isn't our thing). We therefore thought that we would distribute gifts in the morning. However, we have both realised that the our Mums will love a bit of attention and don't want to deny them that pleasure So I think we'll give them out during the speeches, regardless of those being before dinner.

For BMs, we were thinking of leaving gift bags at their place setting? Or I might just get my MOH (sitting with us) to do the distributing, again during speeches.

We were going to have ours after, but due to us running late (mainly due to me chatting) we had ours during the cheese and biscuit and coffee courses.

We didn't have our speeches before the meal, but we gave our gifts out in between meals - it meant we could actually talk to the person in private instead of saying things in front of everyone and it was more personal.

At the wedding I went to on Saturday, the FOB spoke as soon as we were seated. Then we had starter and main. Then it was FOG. Then it was dessert. Then it was groom and best man. Worked out well.

In terms of giving out presents, unless there are only very few, as a guest, I hate having to sit through all of this. At one wedding I went to, there were 8 bridesmaids, two best men, three ushers, plus the parents, the musicians, the lady who made the cake, someone's birthday, someone's anniversary and each and every one of them got a present during the speeches. It was soooooo boring.

We're giving our gifts to people during the morning, as it's mainly things they can use on the day (jewellery etc) but we will hand my Mum a bouquet during OH's speech as a thank you.

I would always vote for after - having worked at many weddings when younger and been a guest at plenty, I have never seen people sit and truly enjoy speeches before hand. Many people are restless, can smell the food that they're waiting to be served and are prone to fidgeting.

In my experience, people like to be seated, have a drink and chat to those around them. As for me, I concentrate much better when my stomach isn't rumbling! I have also always found that speeches delivered to an audience who've had a few drinks are better received in terms of laughter and support for those speaking.

I also don't know how you can accurately predict how long speeches will take so would much rather they overran and any evening guests caught the end of them, than guests catching people eating the last of their food ('Hi there, you're not important enough for me to feed you twice but watch us scoff our tasty pud!').

Just my opinion though!

We are having ours before,it is the only thing my dad requested so he can enjoy his meal and relax.We are eating at 16.00 after a 14.30 wedding so i don't think anyone will be collapsing with hunger. The plan is to take menu choices from everyone and the speeches will be while we are waiting for the food to arrive. I can't see them being that long anyway..ten minutes for the 4 of them i think.

After careful consideration of this thread, I have rearranged my rough timings to make the speeches afterwards! I'll only change it if the boys say they will be too nervous to eat (which will be unlikely as nothing puts them off food!)

My Mum says that there should be a kinda grace said before the meal, to thank the guests and introduce the meal (or something). Is that normal? I don't remember it happening before

I've never heard of this but that doesnt mean you cant if you want to!

I've seen it done a few times, only where it's been a religious ceremony and usually where the vicar has been invited to the reception (family friend etc). Would you say grace before your dinner at home? I wouldn't, so won't bother doing it at our wedding.

I don't know if she meant a grace as such, but more an intro and thanks before the meal. I think maybe a quick sentence or two. I might ask her exactly what she means, and if she'd like to do it!

We're thinking about having them after the starters, OH wants to enjoy his meal, but I agree that a lot of people will prob be hungry so thought this would be a good compromise.

Nope - never seen that! And I've been to a LOT of weddings. Unless she means something like when the Best Man/MC introduces the newly married couple and then perhaps says "thanks for coming, let's eat!"

I agree with everything CB said.

I also bet it is a nightmare for the kitchen as no one knows exactly how long speeches will go on for. Having them after the starter may cause even more issues for caterers.

We think- having Dad doing a speech before, Groom after main course and Best man after dessert.It's in Sweden though and traditionally there's loads of speeches!

I wasn't going to do one-but my twin can't be with us-she's just out of hospital (bipolar schizophrenic) and isn't able to be around many people at the moment.Therefore I think I'dlike to do the toast to absent loved ones-as would like to include her specifically and mention my mum's best friend who's been a huge influence on my life and passed away last year.

We had speeches before the meal. We wanted the speakers, groom included, to enjoy their meal without worrying about the speech.

After for us

We are having ours after the meal... big family=lots of hungry mouths to feed!

Plus by then the alcohol will probably be flowing and therefore gives the speakers a bit of dutch courage!!!!

xx

We had ours afterwards, I did check with all those doing speeches that they didnt think they would be too nervous to enjoy the meal before we did timings though. I agree with what CB said I think it flows better for the guests that way. We did have canapes even though speeches were afetr the meal.

I have never heard of anyone saying grace, or thanks before the meal

Normally i would have said no but the other day i went to my friends wedding and they did say grace before we ate and it was actually beautiful!

The wedding wasnt religious and when they said grace it wasnt too long or imposing, was infact just a lovely touch!

Deffo thinking of doing it at mine now! xx

We have decided to def have them after the meal folks!

We had starters and mains, then H and I 'cut' the cake (not really cos we were doing it again for the evening reception) then speeches, then a wee break where we all just sat watching the kids play with their rocket balloons (not intentional just the speeches were a LOT shorter than the restaurant team expected!!) then finally dessert and then coffee.

We allowed about an hour and a half between the end of the meal and the start of the evening reception, partly because they were in two different venues (less than a five minute walk apart) and partly because we had decorated and were catering ourselves and wanted a little bit of time to make sure all was ready before the first guests arrived, which in the end was only about twenty minutes after we did. They were a bit confused to find me and H in the kitchen sorting out plates and things for the evening buffet.

I'm glad I've just read this thread, OH wants to do speeches before the meal but now I'm wondering if I should try and persuade him to do them afterwards. I'd hate for people to be wishing the speeches away because they are hungry - although we will be having canapes. Hmm.. not sure now!

Although I have participated in this thread with a distinct opinion on when our speeches will be, I have to confess that I tend to wish away speeches whenever they are. I want to hear some sweet, short words about the bride and groom, about the new family and about how lovely the whole day is, then a toast. What's the longest speech anyone has sat through? I endured a gruelling best man speech recently, from a boy who is a delightful and articulate raconteur in daily life but who clearly let those compliments go to his head and thought we'd want to listen to him for 45 mins. I don't even want to listen to professional and offically funny people for 45 mins - that's why there's an interval in comedy shows...

The speech I mentioned above (during which they gave out all the presents) was the groom's speech which lasted 59 minutes. By the time the poor best men came to do their speech, which is, of course, supposed to be the highlight of the speeches, people were flicking bits of food at each other they were that bored.

? WHAT did he talk about? The bride? For 59 mins???

He talked about her for a bit, but then basically gave a best man's speech about his best men! Stories about them growing up, what they got up to etc. I just feel sorry for the best men as he took most of their material!

We are having a marquee wedding on Saturday and opted for a before approach but we will be having antipasti on the tables while the speeches go on (no more than 20 mins) This is after a generously times drinks reception so most people should be jolly at least!

Good luck x x