Asking for money instead of gifts?

I asked this question once - I learnt as will you - poems are pretty hated on this forum!

I opted to go for word of mouth and just leave it out! What I would suggest of you do want to ask is not a poem and a simple sentence. Xxx

You want to write a poem to ask your guests to help you pay for your wedding?

Gee whiz. At least you are honest, I'll give you that!

My advice is don't. If you leave it open you will get a few gifts, maybe a few gift cards, and lots of cash.

I've never understood why this is such a controversial point! People don't bat an eye lid at gift list but ask for money instead and you've committed the biggest sin of the wedding planning world!

a request for money instead of a gift is simply that! People don't have to give anything!

Poems are cheesy though!

When my friends got married they put something along the lines of this.

'We'd like to thank our family and friends for support us as we embark on a new chapter in our life, we have not provided a gift list but SHOULD YOU WANT to give something we would appreciate monetary gifts.... Bla bla bla and something about contributing to deposit for their new home!'

One of my oldest friends asked for money to "contribute to our wedding or honeymoon" and for this reason I will be buying them a present instead. Had they simply asked for contributions to the honeynoon I would not have a problem with that but asking guests to pay for the wedding? I don't think so!!

So tthat's my opinion

I thought a poem was polite! cheesy perhaps but i found this and thought it was a good way of putting it...

More than just kisses so far we've shared,
Our home has been made with love and care,
Most things we need we've already got,
And in out home we can't fit a lot!
A wishing well we thought would be great,
(But only if you wish to participate),
A gift of money is placed in the well,
Then make a wish but shhh don't tell!
Once we've replaced the old with the new,
We can look back and say it was thanks to you!
And in return for your kindness, we're sure,
That one day soon you will get what you wished for.
Please don't be offended at this type of request,
As our day is complete having you as our guest.

I'm always a bit torn on this! I suppose if there's nothing you need and you already have your home together, it's pointless letting people spend their money on gifts that might be a waste. I really don't like asking for money though. Whether it's in a poem or not. It's a bit cheeky in my opinion :o$ But I don't just mean that in regards to wedding... Any occasion really. I would never dream of saying to people 'My birthday's coming up, don't worry about a present, I'll just have the cash'. Haha... Obviously that's a rather blunt way of putting it! :o)

We went to a wedding last year and there was this cutesy little poem in the invitation about giving them money for their mortgage. I've got to say we didn't particularly like it but it didn't offend us. It saved us a shopping trip I suppose :o)

Saying that though, we could totally do with cash gifts! We're saving for a mortgage along with the wedding and an expensive honeymoon so it would definitely come in handy but we wouldn't feel comfortable asking. We're not asking for gifts full stop. I understand gift lists are useful but I'm not really a fan of them either. I don't expect anyone to give us anything at all. Also, like some others have said, I think you might find some people will give cash anyway.

That's a really good point actually! Personally I wouldn't ask full stop but if you're going to, I wouldn't mention it being used to pay towards the wedding. You might as well charge at the door if you word it like that. haha. Honeymoon or just life together stuff sounds better.

Im not asking them to pay for the wedding! i am simply saying for those that wish to give a gift we would rather have the money. I dont see how that is any different to asking for a contribution towards your honeymoon?

Your original post said......We want to ask for donations to help pay for the wedding. I think its very different but you know your guests.

That has typos in it and the rhythm doesn't work. It feels very forced, and would look out of place in the middle of an invitation/information sheet that is otherwise written as prose. Plus writing a massive poem is, to me, a rather childlike way of trying to hide what you really want. It's not "quirky" or "different" - it just makes me feel that you're trying very hard to be those things.

You don't have to write anything about gifts in your invitations - most people will either ask you/your parents or give money anyway in that case. If you do want money, then a simple sentence saying that is enough.

I don't think it's right to ask for either.

You clearly said in your OP about asking guests to help pay for the wedding, what are we supposed to think you mean?!

We've had a few weddings to attend this year. 2 asked for money, 1 didn't ask for anything in particular. The one that didn't stipulate we bought a gift for. Of the 2 that asked for money, one had a poem in the card. Can't remember it but it spoke about a wishing well and the money being used for a honeymoon. The other one just said, 'we've been together for a while and already have most things we need but if you would like to give us anything, then contributions to future family would be greatly appreciated'. Something like that anyway.

i think your being a little harsh! In OP defence she told us she wished to ask guest for money to help pay for the wedding!

she didn't say it would be worded that way!

anyone requesting money can spend it how they want! Even if that's paying of the wedding!

Oh well I'm always harsh aren't I? I have a feeling you have a little black mark by my name and will make anything I say into something 'harsh' or 'offensive'. I'll make this crystal clear. The OP said she wanted to ask for DONATIONS to help pay for the wedding. That is a very odd way of saying you just want to ask for money. She was quite specific. I took her comment literally, what else am I to do, all I can go on is the words that are in front of me.

It would be highly inappropriate (IMO) to let on to your guests that you wanted their money to help pay for your wedding. Yes the OP said she wouldn't actually specify that, but she also sees no issue in it as she said to her it's the same as asking for money for a honeymoon. My own personal opinion is that neither is ok, I had a gift list and people could choose if they wanted to buy from it. Other people will say a gift list is inappropriate, that's fine and they are entitled to their opinion.

I am not getting into a big long debate with you again because you don't like the way I type. Frankly I can't be arsed.

I think a gift list or asking for money are both in very poor taste. If you look at how wedding gifts came about you would see why. Elders of a village would donate their old household items to newlyweds, who were not in a position to afford to buy new. Creating a gift list of what new items you want is just plain greedy, you wouldn't do it on any otheroccasion. The last wedding I went to had a money poem, one I'm due to attend askedfor a small contribution towards a honeymoon, I also was invited to just an evening do of a colleague and there was a money grabbin cash poem in that too! They all made me cringe. Why not just sit outside the church with a cap in hand, or sell tickets to your reception? That is a joke by the way. But seriously, asking for cash, however much it rhymes, is really poor form! We are writing a paragraph thatsays something along the lines of "we know how much weddings can cost in terms of buying a new dress, travel, overnight accommodation etc, and we have already set up home, so we have not set up a gift list. You being with us on our special day is gift enough"

LOL are you SERIOUS I hadn't even realised it was you get over yourself!

I wouldn't have said anything otherwise... Knowing how sensitive you are!

i don't have the time to remember every insignificant person I disagree with on this forum!

again I just stated I felt you were being harsh!

The fact you remember me shows your the one with a chip on your shoulder!

forget it and move on!

I'm doing the exact same as you in term of a gift list rather than requesting money... So not sure we disagree! Either way I'm not getting into another pointless argument with you!

Do what you's all want it is your wedding!

Me sensitive? You're the one who thinks everything is harsh or offensive.

You only stuck out because you were particularly ignorant last time. I can't stand debating with someone who blatantly contradicts themselves.

If you and your OH wish to put a money poem, go for it.

I've had plenty of relatives and friends who have done this and I've not heard any complaints.

POT, KETTLE, BLACK??? LoL

get over yourself love I weren't trying to start an argument with you! If you knew me you would know I'm the least ignorant person around so not sure how you came to that conclusion!

Sounds like you need to grow up and quit being so sensitive!

like I said before had I realised it was YOU! I wouldn't have quoted your post or said anything! Silly woman!

I think money seems to be more the norm now than gifts as the majority of couples live together first. And Ive seen a few poems about cash instead of gifts and I think I prefer them!

For good poems sure there is my friend google who can help!

But as another has said, its your day do what you wish :-) Surely the people you invite to your wedding are you loved ones, so I doubt they would complain about a poem for cash rather than a gift list xx

Pink butterfly quite a few of your posts come across as narky? There's been a couple of times you have snapped at me, plus I remember you were quite nasty to ob the other day too. What's going on?

op- asking for honeymoon donations is very much the norm nowerdays, asking to pay for the wedding not so much. We found that by not asking for anything at all we got pretty much all money and a few lovely presents. Personally I dislike the poems as I find them a bit cheesey.

Maybe she doesn’t like us bitter old bitches Mini!

Ach, you can't blame the girl can you? We are fairy objectionable.

Pfft, speak for yourself hun, everyone loves me ?

Lolz. So sorry babez. Xxxxx

I hate money poems ,cant stand them but only for my wedding we didn't need anything as we have lived together for 5 yrs .

On our invites we just put a gift note saying

The very best gift we could receive is

your love and support as you join us

in celebrating our wedding day love

me and him xx.<<(not that wording ,our names )

People still asked us about gifts, I replied its on the invite and they still put money in cards

On the other hand if I got an invite with a money poem asking for cash I would be like yes

I hate shopping for gifts for other people I never know what to get them .

We're in a similar situation in that we have a house, baby and have been living together for ages; I think we will do something similar to my cousin - who got married recently - and just say in the invite that we're not having a gift list and don't expect anything, but if people wanted to do something we'd gladly take contributions towards the honeymoon (which we'll be taking later in the year - too skinty-poo to do it right after, haha!)

I think it's harder to ask guests for 'donations towards the wedding', simply because it can seem a little bit like charging entry on the door; even if that *is* what you want the money for, I'd say it's for the honeymoon or something and keep schtum!

We've lived together for 4 years, have 3 children between us and have been out of the parental homes for the last 17 years. We still need new cutlery, pots and pans, towels etc. Most of the time we can replace things ourselves but if people want to buy them for us I'm not going to knock them back. I wouldn't feel comfortable asking for honeymoon donations let alone donations for a wedding I'd already booked and invited them to.

Other than the kids and that we moved out 10 years ago this is us. We are having a gift list with a few things if people do want to buy us anything but it won't be forced upon them.

I also hate the poems.

I am just putting a little note to say something along the lines of, if they wish to get a gift, money would be preferred, there presence at our wedding alone is more than enough ect ect.
In my opinion I would rather someone tell me what they want rather than me buy them something they'll never use. I don't think its any different from a gift list. we already have everything we need in the house.
I will take note of who gave us what and write them a thankyou note and let them know what there pennies went towards. .