Asking guests to pay for meal.

I'm sure that if you explain the circumstances and say that you are not in a position to pay for their meals but if they would like to pay for their own you would love them to join you celebrate and that you do not expect wedding gifts many will chose to come. I'm sure some will say well I'm not going to go if I have to pay for myself. Maybe for the ones that can't you could just have wine and nibbles at home?

I do think it depends on how you word it, but surely with such short notice, most guests will be fine with it, but the only thing I would be careful on (really sorry to add something negative) think how the bill be sorted. If there is a set menu that everyone will have for the same price - no issue, but, if you don't do that, and one person (person a) orders an expensive 3 course meal, another (person b) only has a main, will it be a you pay what you eat, and then have 30 calculators coming out, or, spilt the bill 30 ways? That's the only thing I would really consider because you don't want person b to be complaining that they only had a main, or no booze and they contributed to person a's dinner.

I just think do give careful thought over how people will pay, and that will make a difference to some and you don't want a black cloud over you two in the evening.

Going on from Jayne's idea, instead of going out for a meal, could you not do a home reception then the "gifts" could be food and drink that way people will be buying what they consume but it'll be on a budget they're happy with, and also they get to bring their favourites, a salad or a pudding?

Sorry if it sounded negative, the idea itself is really nice, and it shouldn't be a problem. You always get one who isn't reasonable.

I've been to a register office wedding followed by a home buffet reception before and it was lovely. Very informal. Done at lunch time after a late morning wedding so there wasn't much booze involved. Photos taken in the garden etc. That way you can even have a meal at your favourite restaurant with just close family later.

It's an option to consider if the meal would be a bit pricey or too difficult splitting the bill.

I think at the end of the day no matter what you decide there will be some people who are happy and there will always be some negative comments. That's just the joy of wedding planning.

I think you'd be better off planning a smaller event that you can afford. If you start with 20 people and then discuss it with parents and explain you can't afford any more you might find the situation naturally sorts itself out as family take matters into their own hands to arrange who is paying for who.

I don't think starting out by asking people to pay for their places is a good idea.

I'm sorry but I would side eye this. I can understand why you are thinking this way but I do feel you should host your guests, now I don't mean free bar etc but some sort of food and comfort. If you can't afford to do this then you can't afford guests. Sorry I would a cow. How about a cheaper place? I once saw a wedding in a two for £10 pub simple cheap but people enjoyed it from the looks of it

I would consider it a bit cheeky. Why not keep it super small (parents and siblings only) then have a bit of a party for your first anniversary which gives you more time to save and have a bigger celebration with family and friends?

Food is undoubtedly the biggest cost in our wedding but as we are hosting and people will be traveling to see us get married we consider it our responsibility to offer some form of refreshment.

Seem to be going a bit against the general view but I think it's ok to do - you know your friends and family best so can be the judge of what they might think better than anyone so trust your instinct :-)

Personally if one of my good friends or close family members was getting married but I knew they couldn't afford to feed everyone, I wouldn't hesitate for a second to pay my own way to join them for a celebratory meal. Weddings are about a lifelong commitment and sharing your love, and celebrating that with the people who mean the most - not about having to buy everyone dinner, that's just an added bonus for those who can afford it. If it was the other way around would you be happy to pay to join a celebratory dinner for any of your invitees? If yes, then hopefully they feel the same way about you too and would be happy to pay for their own dinner (just like you would usually do if you went to a birthday celebration meal!)

So I think, if you think your friends and family would be happy with that then go for it - nothing says you have to pay and it's more about celebrating your marriage with people who are important to you and understand you/your life/your budget and love you both for you :-)

Only thing I would say though is pick somewhere that everyone can afford and like others have said, a set menu and price would be the best - maybe you can negotiate this with the restaurant you had in mind? Worth asking! Good luck xx

I agree to see how people feel about it. No one had to come. They may prefer to pay for their meal and join you than have you elope and them not be there because you can't afford them to be there. So its not the norm. Does that really matter? If it works for you and your family then its right for you. I agree a set price meal is easier than everyone paying different tho.

Hmmm, I think it would all be in the way you frame it. I don't think you can call the meal a "wedding" or a "reception" and then ask people to pay for themselves. They might take it the wrong way. It might work better if you only invite guests to the ceremony at the registry office, and then add a note saying "Following the ceremony, the bride and groom and their families will be heading to XXX for a celebratory dinner" and mention how guests are welcome to join if they would like to. I'm not one for putting anything to do with money on an invitation, but if you really want to drive the point home that they will have to pay for themselves and it's a fixed price menu, you could possibly put that on the invitation. If you're having a "wedding reception" that has the connotation that you're throwing a party, and thus footing the bill, so you want to avoid giving that impression.

I think the key is doing away with mentioning a reception at all. It's just a small meal with family afterwards and anyone who wants to join can attend. You may even end up with guests thinking it should be only close family at dinner and so they choose to only attend the ceremony, which saves you from dealing with any invitation drama.

It's common that guests pay for drinks, but food is a stretch that provokes a knee jerk reaction.

I think as its your close family there completly understand. Maybe don't be be overly formal in asking. Calling them up and explaining your having a small wedding then onto a restaurant will be fine but if you send them invites first there probably assume your paying.

Just be honest with them.

Only you no what your family are like. I no if I asked my siblings and very close friends to pay I no they would.

I agree that you know your family and that if you're as close knit as you're saying (in that you can't imagine celebrating your marriage without them) then I'm sure they will completely understand and if your family is anything like OH's then there will be a handful of people who will be happy to help you work out a way to pay and put people in their place if they cause a fuss! However, having a set menu would make life much easier for you and yours.

On the other hand, when me and OH had our engagement dinner we decided to pay for it all as a thank you to everyone (just immediate family, but still a lot of food!). We paid for it on the credit card and both paid in a bit each month for a short while. This might be a way if you have a credit card set up or are happy to set one up?

Also, you're saying "a quick ceremony some time in February" - don't you need to give notice a few months before?

I think it depends who your inviting...

if I did this I know my parents would definatly come np matter what, my nana, aunts and uncles might if we could organise travel (infact my parents might offer to pay as they have in the past for family events or for close friends)

however more distant family and most friends I doubt would come and my family wouldnt pay for loads of extras and they're as broke as us

if I was invited to something like this (you would probably be inviting my partner and kids too) so that not just 1 meal for me to pay for but multiple which wouldn't be so bad if its under £10 but anymore and we simply couldnt afford it esspecially when you consider drinks are extra on top of that too

the '2 for 1' pub deal or just generally affordable pub is what we are planning for our wedding

you could hire somewhere cheap (village hall or sports club) many round here only charge £50 for a half day or even full day at some and then just put of a buffet or cattering... lots of companies around here offer buffets/food from £3.50pp.

examples from google:

cold buffet = http://asjcatering.co.uk/2013/07/23/buffet-menu-3-3-50-per-head/

hot food = http://www.dinners-ready.co.uk/catering.pdf

obviously the more you pay the fancier you get but its a very simple way to do decent catering cheap.

£3.50 x 30 = £105

+

£50 venue hire

=

£155