Awkward Bridesmaids **PLEASE HELP**

Oh dear..... thats all a lot to take in for a first post but i will say this...

make up on an 11 year old????? er no..... its not required. Photogrpahy is so advanced that she should look 11 and not some kid trying to look older. I was mortified that my 12 yr old niece wanted her nails done for the wedding, I refused to pay for that, but thankfully her mother kept her make up light. So I'd just drop that. Its also common practice for bride to pay for dress alterations I'm afraid, unless otherwise agreed but it seems you only agreed on the other things? Clairs accessories handbag for an 11 yr old is perfect - shes only going to lose it, break it or pour ribena all over it and her hairband prolly wont look any different to one from Debenhams or some bridal shop at the end of the day..

Other bridesmaid with hair issues - do you know where shes going? do you know who with? Perhaps she'd prefer her own hair dresser who knows her hair? My neices had their hair done with their salon, whilst I went to mine. Certainly didnt demand that we all did it together. Are you having to pay for hers?? Sometimes you just have to compromise. Attend her trials and then let her do her thing once you know what to expect.

just putting things into perspective for you, all the best

Sorry your having problems with your BMs

I would just get the CBM some grape juice or something else for the toasts she dosn't have to drink alchol,

To be honest I would tell the rest of them to stick it that may not be an option for you but if they are not even able to compromise then I wouldnt be having them.

Oh and the one that doesnt want to drink a booze drink on your toast??? so what!!!! thats got nothing to do with you...thats her business.

as for the hen night - cant comment - i refused to let anyone organise mine.

Aww sweetheart here's a ??

I don't really know what to advise but didn't want to read and run! I hope you get it all sorted out and they stop being so petty and selfish they need to sit back look at the bigger picture and realise that it's your day and about you not them!

They should be grateful that you chose them for your wedding! as for the grandmother not liking/wanting the shoes you chose if you paid for them then tough! it one blinking day! The only thing I hate about weddings is how family all clash over silly things, cause arguments, upset people etc it really does bring out the worst in people!

Good Luck sweet!

xx

Hi

I think that with the toast what does it matter if someone has a drink or soft drink

In regards to bridesmaids - did you say that they were to pay for their own hair, make up and accessories etc - if so I don't think you can really dictate what they have or go. Plus I don't think an 11 year old should have make up on but thats just my opinion.

Weddings can be stressful - hope your ok

Welcome to Hitched

Blimey sounds like you've got a lot going on - will try and answer each point

1) CBM not drinking - I think this is up to her and you should let it drop. I'm sure she won't be the only one not drinking alcohol

2) Hen Night - sort out what's going on and let them all know. It's your Hen Night, do it your way

3) BM getting hair and make up done elsewhere? Does this really matter? As long as she is paying for it let her get on with it

4) Regarding 11 year old BM, I think the parents are right about being too young for makeup, and if they're not happy you should force the issue. If you want her to have her hair done at the salon, and they won't pay, then you will have to, or let them do it for her

5) Alterations - I don't understand why the BM's would pay for alterations when they were told the dresses would be paid for by your Dad. I think you will have to foot the bill if the alterations weren't specified as costs they would be expected to pay

6) Hair Accessories - you don't say how much the accessories you are looking at are. If you're expecting the BM's to pay for them then I do think you have to give them some say, or have none at all

7) 11 year olds accessories - have you actually seen these? Maybe they don't look like they only cost £2. Regarding the handbag, I would just leave this and on the day maybe see if you can get it off her when she has flowers to hold.

You have to remember that it's your day and you should have it your way. However, if you are expecting people to buy items themselves, then you have to expect that they will want some say. It could work out to be a very expensive day for your BM's

I'm not being overly critical, I'm just trying to help

I'm thinking this may be a bit of a trollish thing to get us talking....but...

11 is too young for make-up - but up to child and mother

You should pay for alterations - you said your dad is paying for dresses and the bridesmaids are paying for everything else themselves. So you don't want to pay for anything.

Let them drink what they want - if she was preg would you force champagne down her neck? (By the sounds of things so for you'd prob no have her as bridesmaid)

Hen night - I'm arranging my own

If they're paying for their own hair you have no say in where it is done - I would just say meet at my house at 12 or whatever to get ready

Don't go dissing Claires Accessories!

Think there is some good advice up there already!!

Hmm a bit of a toughie.

i'd discuss your worries with them, and it may be that there are practical reasons, for example trusting her own hairdresser as said, and then you could compromise on something that works for both of you.

on the other hand, welcome to hitched!

xxx

I have to say that I have to agree with all of the above! (and also suspecting troll... sorry if I'm wrong!)

Hello and welocme to Hitched....a very stressful first post, but that's what we are here for to give you advice and as fellow brides/brides to be we understand the stresses of organising a wedding! so have a hug ?

That being said it is a forum for honesty and sorry, but.....your running the risk of becoming a tad bit bridzilla ?

First thing, first chill out a little bit and put this into perspective. i can't imagine how you feel without you mum being there to help you out and understanably your feeling her loss now and its causing you a lot of upset and stress but your BMs are there to help but if your being overbearing with them its understandable that they are pulling back. it could be that they are steering clear of the hen arrangments because they are worried about your high expectations and maybe they want to get there hair done else where on the day because they want some breathing space!!) just chill out, they are your friends not your minnions. if they want to get it done elsewhere then i'd let them.

with your CBM its not clear if you are pissed off about her not drinking an alcoholic drink for the toast, i'm assuming she will have a soft drink, so no stress, she can still raise her glass 4 u and your OH! it would be ashame if she'd come this far on her no drinking challenge to ruin it now, she's obviously done some sacraficing and it will be very hard for her not to drink when everyone else is, so maybe you could support her choice and not worry about it! and in return you may find that she can support you over the next few months

Also YOUR wedding seems rather costly for your bridesmaids!! Your folking out £120 for the dresses and they have to folk out for the alterations, hair assessories, shoes, hair AND make up - i think your asking rather too much, especially if you want to dictate to them what they can and can't have The cost to them will probably be more than what your paying for the dress. maybe you could start by having a rethink about the BM budget or if not then trust them a little and let them choose there bits and pieces themselves. i'm only having 1 adult BM and 1 little BM. I told my adult BM (sister) that she had a budget of £150 to buy a dress and anything else she wanted. I ended up spending £96, paid for her dress, shoes, hair clip, earrings and necklace (but her hair clip and neckless was from Claires acessories ? but my sister was shopping with my budget in mind and luckily we agreed on all the purchases and even though i didn't have to, i knew i'd have more say in what she bought because i was paying for it!

with the little ones make up, she won't need anything but a bit of lip gloss, i wouldn't want to waste money on getting an 11 year old make up done and you have to understand that the mum is just protecting her little one, and will be worried about her wearing a face of make up . just ask her mother if you can buy her a tube of lip gloss and see what she says, if she says "no" then you have to respect that, but i'm sure she'll be fine with it.

Hi again. Thanks for your comments. I'm feeling a little better today and not as much in panic mode lol. Anyway, I can basically say that I'm not being a bridezilla - I even asked my OH and he said I wasn't so that's good enough for me ha ha. I had a think during the rest of the weekend and what I've decided to do is pay for the fascinators and kids tiara band and also pay for my young bridesmaid hair and ""light"" makeup. I don't want her looking like an 11 year old tramp either, that was never my intention from the outset, but just to make her feel like a princess, wearing a dream dress, nice shoes and have her hair and stuff done to make her day special too. I don't cut it that "photography is advanced" as I have my cousin doing the photography and he only does it as a hobby, so is not likely to have the most expensive photographic equipment on the planet, nor would be doing airbrushing like some photographers do lol. I think that would be quite sad anyway. A teeny bit of makeup won't hurt and I actually saw her the other day plastered in silver sparkly eyeshadow and it certainly won't be like that on the day :-) I don't know how the grandmother can get all hoity toity about makeup when she let her walk round town wearing that "slap" the other day.

I texted all the bridesmaids and my youngest bridesmaids mum to tell them and the response I got was "ok x" and "oh what a good idea x". Not the most thankful of texts back, but hey I'm not bothered as long as I get some peace and quiet hehe. My bridesmaids mum has agreed to bring her the time I wanted to the salon and happy I'm paying (obviously!! :-p)

Would just like to explain, the reason why I wanted everyone at the salon at the same time (8.30am) is because I have a duo of videographers coming to my house at 10am and I didnt want them to arrive and not be able to take videos of the bridemaids getting ready with myself. No good if they turn up to me sitting there like billy no mates waiting for them to get back as I have NO idea where they want to have hair/makeup done and no idea what they want as they all just screamed stuff at me when I asked. Also the situation with my CBM not drinking.... well I have no issue with her not drinking alcohol as its her choice, but my teeny moan was that she never told me she was doing this challenge (and her husband is doing it too) and my dad has already paid for a drinks package for them which is £40 odd of wasted money. That's all I brought it up for as its wasting money and considering the cost of weddings it would've been nice to know well in advance not to pay for alcohol as she's been doing it since January! Anyway, what's done is done.

Thanks again all :-)