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Rose
Beginner August 2025 Norfolk

Awkward hotel arrangements

Rose, 17 of March of 2024 at 23:12 Posted on Etiquette and Advice 0 12
Hey everyone! I’m getting married in August next year and we’ve specifically chosen a venue with lots of rooms for people to stay.


My mother in law to be is keen for her family to stay onsite, but it means I won’t have space for all of my bridesmaids. I’ve only met her family (sisters and nieces) once and they weren’t very friendly, and I’m so sad that I’m having to have breakfast with them the day after my wedding rather than with my best gals.
Me and the mother in law are very close and I really don’t want to upset her, how can I ask her nicely to put her family elsewhere and let me have the rooms for my friends?

12 replies

Latest activity by Sarah, yesterday at 21:35
  • S
    Rockstar July 2024 Cumbria
    Shay ·
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    I think it should go without saying you would have your girls there with you, however, just say I have taken however many rooms for the girls (and maybe their partners) and any other important people you want so there is this many rooms left for you to play with, or none at all. Just be open about it as it is your day. I would also do it now and then it is out of the way.
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  • Rose
    Beginner August 2025 Norfolk
    Rose ·
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    Yes good shout, girls first and others second. Thank you! Xx
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  • S
    Rockstar July 2024 Cumbria
    Shay ·
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    No problem at all. I hope it goes how you want it too! Xx
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  • R
    VIP July 2020 Monmouthshire
    RomanticGreenStationery27135 ·
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    "how can I ask her nicely to put her family elsewhere and let me have the rooms for my friends?"

    I'm a bit confused by this - is your MIL paying for the venue? Because if not, then surely you and your OH are the ones who get to decide who stays there and who doesn't. All you have to do is assign rooms to those you want to be there.

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  • Rose
    Beginner August 2025 Norfolk
    Rose ·
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    So she’s paying for her family (nothing to do with us, we’d have got them paying for themselves, she wants to pay for them) and I’ll be getting anyone who stays to pay for themselves. It’s so tricky to bring up with my OH as he’s very close with his mum and won’t want to upset her, but equally I think he sees my point about wanting my bridesmaids there
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  • R
    VIP July 2020 Monmouthshire
    RomanticGreenStationery27135 ·
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    If you have reserved the rooms already and people need to book through you, then just tell MIL that there are no spare rooms once the wedding party has been accommodated, and that they need to be staying because of their roles.

    If you haven't reserved the rooms/people need to contact the hotel direct to book, then you need to get the people you do want to book rooms to do so asap - because it's going to be very awkward to undo the booking once it's been made.

    If MIL has already booked the rooms, then you'll just need to appeal to her good nature. It might be best if OH does this, pointing out that your bridesmaids will have been working so hard to support you on the day and really need rooms on site where they can rest after their hard work.

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  • Rose
    Beginner August 2025 Norfolk
    Rose ·
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    So we’ve got all the rooms reserved and I’ve told the venue that we’ll be allocating rooms, so no risk there.
    I totally agree with you, it’s a shame we can’t have everyone stay but just one of those things. I don’t want his random auntie staying and not my best friends. I’ll ask him to tackle it. Thanks for the advice xx
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  • Janet
    Beginner May 2025 Shropshire
    Janet ·
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    I think she would definitely understand if you had a heart to heart with her, at the end of the day it’s your special day she should respect your decisions


    Hope everything’s okay xx
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  • Katrina
    Dedicated February 2025 West Midlands
    Katrina ·
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    Just be upfront and say you would prefer your bridesmaids to be with you on this occasion. Best of luck its your special day you should have what you want. Hope your Mum can understand that! Smiley heart

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  • Chloe
    Beginner May 2026 Essex
    Chloe ·
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    Bridesmaids over family 100%. Just explain to her that your friends are a huge part of your day and you want to be able to enjoy breakfast with them the next day. It’s your wedding day, not your MIL’s wedding day.
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  • C
    Pennsylvania
    Christian ·
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    Congratulations on your upcoming wedding! It's wonderful that you've found a venue that accommodates guests staying onsite. I understand your dilemma about space for your bridesmaids and wanting to spend time with your closest friends after the wedding. Since you have a close relationship with your mother-in-law, perhaps you could have an open and honest conversation with her about your feelings and concerns. You could express how much you value her family's presence while also explaining your desire to have your bridesmaids nearby for support and celebration. Finding a compromise that works for both parties might involve exploring alternative accommodation options for her family nearby here . Clear communication and understanding are key, and I'm sure your mother-in-law will appreciate your honesty and consideration for everyone involved. Wishing you all the best for your special day!

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  • Sarah
    Rockstar August 2024 Warwickshire
    Sarah ·
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    Just say it how it is! I’m sure she won’t be offended if you have a close relationship?
    We haven’t prioritised BMs for rooms over family members, just on thr basis they are older and not fair to put them in a taxi and send them on their way compared to the BMs 😂🫶
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