I'm really not sure what to do about thank you gifts.. back story - my dad is quite a volatile & unpredictable character and has in the past caused massive embarrassment and distress at family meals by getting quite aggressive towards staff at the places we are eating. The last time it happened was pretty major (over being charged £1 for a jug of gravy) to the point my partner said he in no way wants my dad to pay for ANYTHING in our wedding in the hopes if he hasn't paid for it he can't kick off about anything. At that particular event when my dad kicked off he had only mentioned an hour earlier that he would pay for the wedding (something he also did for my sister 10 years ago)
I told my dad a few weeks later that my FH and I would like to pay for our own wedding but he was having none of it, absolutely none of it and told me the money is mine, he was really very offended. The reason I gave him for us wanting to pay is since it's my FH second marriage he won't be asking his parents to contribute and it wouldn't be fair if one set of parents paid. I cannot in anyway shape or form have an honest conversation with my dad as to the real reason we don't want his money. This is for the safety of some of my family who live with him and next door to him as it really would be like dropping a grenade and walking away whilst I am happy living over 50 miles away from him.
Since that conversation (6-8 months ago) we haven't spoke about the wedding and I have booked everything myself and paid all the deposits, I also already have the money to pay for the whole wedding myself. I know at some point down the line as it gets nearer he will start asking questions about money and wondering why I haven't approached him for any yet or paid any suppliers. We are aware that to save a major family breakdown we will have no choice but to accept some money from him, my mom has already told me I have to.
We haven't asked FH parents for anything nor told them my dad has offered to pay and they have never mentioned contributing anything either. Also I don't think my dad will be best pleased if he has given money and they haven't (even though we told him we want to pay!)
I know it's tradition to give thank you gifts to the parents but I feel this will be very awkward if it's at the wedding and only my parents get a gift or we buy FH parents a thank you gift when they haven't contributed anything. I'm really unsure what to do I thought maybe if i do have to accept money from my dad and FH parents don't contribute I could give my parents their thank you gifts the morning of the wedding at my house in private.
I hate that families can cause so much doubt and worry in what should be a pleasant experience!
