Baby At My Wedding

I totally agree with your brother.

I go to lots of weddings and don't take my child, but if my own brother didn't invite my child to his wedding I'd be very offended. I'm sure your SIL is perfectly capable of taking the baby out of the room if they are grizzly.

You sound very selfish and self absorbed.

It’s one thing to have a child-free wedding for the reasons you’ve outlined above; it’s quite another to tell your brother that he can’t bring his baby to your wedding and that if that’s a problem, his other child can be uninvited too, and they can just come to some of the wedding.

I can totally see his point of view, especially as the child hasn’t been unborn yet and so you’ve turned a huge source of happiness for him into a negative and made it about you.

Yes, children crying isn’t ideal but it really isn’t the end of the world. We are having two newborns, and 5 toddlers at our wedding and have just done our best to make it as easy for parents as possible (creating a kids area for the younger children, positioning the parents with newborns near to exits so they had get it easily if needed, getting toys for the children). Our view is they’re our guests and are making the effort to celebrate their day with us so if it gets a bit noisy, who cares. We’ll still have a great day and be married at the end of it. Appreciate other people don’t take this view and have nothing against child-free weddings - but that’s not what yours is as you are having some children. I would reconsider - is it worth falling it with your brother over??

This sounds like a really bad idea.

There's a massive difference between telling parents don't bring your kids of 4 yo and upwards to a wedding as they'll take up vital guest seats, to telling your brother don't bring his 8 month old baby who may still be being breast fed at that time.

I don't blame your brother for his response tbh.

But stick to your guns, fall out with him, get married and the perfect harp is your lasting memory of your lovely day. Then 12months later your new wife is pregnant and you think this is just perfect, and then one of friends announces he's getting married, but hey no babies allowed at the wedding. And i reckon at that point you'll probably look back and think to yourself "oh ***, maybe that perfect harp wasn't so important after all".

I do understand your point of view as my OH and I originally said no children, however this was before our friends really started to have children. When we first got engaged there was only one toddler, now however, my BM and four guests have recently or will very soon be giving birth. Due to this we compromised as they are all important to us and we want them to attend the wedding, we have said that as long as they are ok with having baby on their knee (they were probably never going to put them in a high chair anyway), that it's fine for babies to attend. They will all have to have gone by 9 though as it's a licensed venue, but this is fine by everyone.

I too wanted a ceremony that had no random shouting or crying etc but it means more to me that our friends attend, than to avoid the possibility of a slight disturbance.

I hope that makes sense.

I think this a problem a lot of couples have while planning there wedding.

Both me and my oh are shy and didn't have a big budget so we wanted a tiny wedding with only 26 guests.

Before we started looking for venues I mentioned to this to my brother because between him and his gf they have 10 children and if they all came I wouldn't be able to invite anyone else including my parents, 2 sisters and MOH. I thought this was reasonable but he said that if I didn't invite all 12 of them he wouldn't come. I was really annoyed but in the end I decided it was more important to me to have my family around me on my big day so we booked a bigger venue and invited everyone.

I totally get where your coming from but maybe take time and think about it before you decide for certain as this could put a big strain on your relationship with your brother.

Both my sister in-laws had baby's at the time of the ceremony. Without being asked they both waited outside the church as they didn't want the baby's to cry and disturb the vows.

Personally speaking I wouldn't want babies at my wedding regardless of who the parents are. I don't have children and don't want any and wouldn't like a crying baby to ruin my special day either!

Long time lurker, first time poster here.

I completey agree with the groom who posted the [collapse]original message and am quite surprised to see the negative responses as the mood of this forum is normally very much, your day your way.

I also wouldn't want anyone of any age to ruin that most special of moments, and at just 8 months old no baby can be expected to behave perfectly and as mentioned above even if taken out of the room would still have caused disruption.

A wedding day should be enjoyable for everyone but most of all the couple whose wedding it is and who will presumably have spent a considerable sum of money.

If the brother doesn't wish to attend without his newborn, then it is fine for him to decline the invitation, but this shouldn't become some mass family debate.

So to the original poster I say, go with your gut and have the wedding day that you and your fiancé want to have, I hope you enjoy every minute of it

Hi, I know exactly how you feel! My SIL to be is expecting and her baby will coming up to 3 months old when I get married. I don't have or want children and there's no other babies or children that will be coming to the wedding.

I felt similarly in that I didn't want a baby crying or fussing while I'm saying my vows or during the wedding breakfast as I am also only having 40 guests.

My solution is that the baby wont be able to come to the ceremony/wedding breakfast and will be with my SIL's in-laws for that period. As soon as the meal is done the in-laws are welcome to bring baby ASAP to make sure that the photographer can get some lovely photos with the baby and the baby can still be a part of the day! Realistically a tiny baby isn't going to be able to go for the duration of a wedding without becoming fussy and that's fact. Plus, the new parents can see the wedding as an opportunity to spend time together and relax without the baby.

I have to say I can see where your brother is coming from and I think I'd be very offended too... to my mind weddings are a family event, but the way you described it sounds like you're treating the baby as an annoyance that can be left at home like a dog, rather than your new niece or nephew. Obviously babies can make a bit of noise but that's life, as long as the parents whisk them out swiftly it shouldn't ruin the day. I think people put too much emphasis on the "perfect" wedding these days anyway. Even if you ban your niece/nephew from the wedding, a million other things could go wrong, the harpist could hit some wrong notes, a bird could poo on the bride at just the wrong moment, the cake could get knocked on the floor, etc. etc... when you think of all of the things that could go wrong, falling out with your brother over the possibility (not certainty) of a tiny bit of grizzling from his new son or daughter doesn't seem worth it to me... And that's not to mention the practical difficulties for them – a lot of people wouldn't want to leave their young baby with a babysitter that long, as someone else mentioned, the baby might still be breastfeeding at that point... it might be hard and costly to find childcare... and then "uninviting" the other child and telling them to leave the reception early just adds insult to injury IMO. I personally would reconsider whether the picture-perfect day (that might not even go without hiccups anyway) is worth insulting your brother and your new niece/nephew for...

If I were in the shoes of your brother, I would also be offended. I am sure your day would still go great despite the baby being there. And if it cries, the mom can just take her away outside. No need to make a big fuss out of it. Your brother is your family.

Wow, I’m really shocked! You wait until you have a baby then see how you feel! My baby is 6 months old and rarely cries, and even when she does you can see the warning signs before they even make a peep. I took my baby when she was 2 months to a wedding and she was beautifully behaved. We are having 9+ children at our wedding (I say + because someone could have more in the meantime) and children make a wedding! A 6year old can complain just as much as a 8 month old if they wanted to! And if necessary you can always feed them to make sure they are quiet ?

I don’t think it’s worth falling out with your brother over something that shouldn’t even be an issue. I 100% agree with your brother

We don't have any children but three of my cousins have just had babies within the last year after initially not wanting children at our wedding we have decided to invite them all as we want my cousins to be part of our special day. They have the option of finding baby sitters if they want a baby free day but are welcome to bring them. We have asked that should they become unsettled they take them out of the room to which they replied of course they would.

As someone said earlier there are chances of other things going wrong. What if someone sneezes or coughs while your harp is being played? Will you no longer talk to them? My mum has had a severe cough for the last few months with no sign of improvement despite several trips to the doctors and tests. Would you suggest I don't invite her in case she gets a coughing fit during the ceremony? After all it can last for over a minute at a time.

I really don't think it is worth falling out with your brother over something that might not happen, the baby could well sleep through the entire thing. If you do ending up falling out with your brother over it all will you be able to look back on it and still think it was a perfect day because nothing interrupted the harp?

One thing I have just thought of is have you considered hiring a childminder to be at the venue for the duration of the ceremony so your brother could come with his whole family and you would not have the baby in the ceremony room and hence no chance of it making a noise during the service.

Sorry my feedback is not particularly constructive.

I think there are many ways to keep a baby comparatively quiet at the wedding. You can discuss with your brother and think out a way to solve it. Children are our future. If you don't think that they ruin something, they won't. Make a good plan about the baby, everything will be fine.

My closest friends have children, I don't but I couldn't imagine my day without their kids there. I love them dearly and could never put my friend in a "them or us" situation. I have said to all the parents if kids start getting naggy and playing up then take them to play. I'd much rather they'd be making noise playing then crying.

What happens if an aunt has a chesty cough and is coughing through your perfect ceremony? Are you going to ask her to leave too? Yes we all want our day to be perfect but what's more important, family or 20 minutes of silence?

Hi there,

Whilst I respect your decision it would not be the same for me. I think that having the baby there would be special in itself and I can kind of understand where your brother is coming from.

When my niece was born I saw her as one of the most special little people in my life and, even if she wails through my wedding, I would be completely fine with that. She is 2 now though and that is very unlikely. I think I see weddings are more of a family gathering/celebration than as just my special day.

I do have one baby coming though and still, I don't think it would bother me if she starts crying. The parents can take her outside if needed and it would only cause a short interuption, if any.

Best of luck!

I really never wanted children at my wedding for the same reasons. However, my fiance's sister has 2 daughters who are very well behaved, so I'm having them as flower girls.

Additionally, loads of our friends have recently had babies or are expecting (including 2 of my bridesmaids!). With all of this in mind, it would be quite hard for us to say 'no kids' if we actually want people to attend!

So I'm leaving it up to the parents to decide if they want to bring their kids, but will be providing a creche area with entertainment and a bouncy castle (budget allowing) for the kids to go to during the ceremony and speeches.

There are loads of options to have OFSTED child carers present, and so far the new and expecting parents I've spoken to have really appreciated the fact that we would go to the effort to do that. I'd much rather pay a bit more to have my nearest and dearest there.

Plus the fiance is excited for a bouncy castle!

We're also going to set up a 'Family Camping' area on the other side of the field from our party animal friends!

I do get where you are coming from, but maybe consider other options. And maybe word it differently - instead of "we don't want kids at our wedding", maybe "we want our guests to be able to relax and enjoy themselves".

Good luck with whatever you decide! X