Being addressed Mr & Mrs....

It's archaic, but it's correct. Who cares?

My SIL mentioned at our wedding that she wasn't in fact Mrs-SameSurnameAsMrJK, but in fact ChristainNameDoubleBarrelledMaidenName, so the seating plan wasn't correct. Right.

I'm a name slut though. I've had four surnames. I don't care what I'm called so long as it isn't Midwife Minge (there's a long story attached tot hat which I won't go into)

quote:Originally posted by Hyacinth
Apart from the fact it looks as if you're trying reallyhard to make a rather insignificant point??

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But that's exactly what I find quite sad - that it would come across in that way. Why not do it either way, as suits the couple? Why I would prefer it if either way were quite common, and neither way therefore raised any eyebrows.
Our wedding invitations were quite non-traditional. They were from our first names, mine first.
I doubt very much anyone read them and thought we/I was making any point whatsoever - insignificant (to you) or otherwise.
I doubt anyone noticed - which is what I would prefer.
If anyone did notice - I daresay they'd decide my name was first simply because my H was too lazy to sort them out and had left them to me ?

quote:Originally posted by Mrs Jess
Nothing's wrong with Mr A and Mrs B Surname, as long as you don't mind being addressed as though you're divorced.

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Well, we don't seem to have confused anyone yet, and if people do think we're divorced - I'm sure we'd just have a giggle over that anyway.

Fine with me - it's just a formal method of addressing correspondence not a statement that I'm H's belonging and probably done without deliberate thought.

Actually just thinking about it I use it myself all the time - I've sent 3 cards this week addressed like that.

What does look odd is "Mr & Mrs Joe Bloggs" and "Mrs Joe Bloggs" really annoys me.

Mr and Mrs <his initial> surname might be "correct" but its old fashioned. Friends address letters to Mr and Mrs Surname (or jsut our first names). Official letters we get are addressed to Mr <his initials> and Mrs <my initials> Surname. I took H's surname when I married and not his first name. I wouldn't make a fuss about it particularly though.

quote:Originally posted by bingy
What do you do if the lady is a Dr and not the man? Mr and Dr [his initial] bingy? That does sound weird.

*not that I am a Dr......yet!

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I would (and do) use Dr and Mr X or Dr X and Mr Y (depending upon if they have the same surname or not).

To those saying that it's correct, it may well be but it irks me in particular because we don't have the same surname so it's not at all correct for us.

We have friends who are Mr and Dr hisinitial. hissurname. They are always getting posted addressed wrongly.

quote:Originally posted by Mrs S Smith
i'll tell you what i find even WORSE!!

I was going to get a card to Mr Smith's account, and I provided my passport, which is still in my maiden name, which is fine. Then gave them our marriage certificate. It's in Swedish. I translated it for them, word for word, which was fine. BUT because the marriage certificate didn't say EXACTLY Miss <my maiden name> is from now on Mrs Smith, I had to get the card in my maiden name. I thought, ah well, whatever..

The card turned up. Mrs S <my maiden name>! Score!?

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That's bizarre - my marriage certificate from the UK also doesn't say how I'm to be known after marriage, just my maiden name and my H's name.

It is certainly the proper way, and some older ladies I know wouldn't be pleased to be addressed as e.g. Mr John Smith and Mrs Sarah Smith on a wedding invitation (technically, the woman's name expressed like that in this very formal context implies that she is divorced). I must admit that I don't really like it though - the tradition, that is, not anyone who uses it.

If Sarah Smith and John Smith were married, and Sarah had a doctoral degree, it would be Mr and Dr J Smith, which shows that it's a bit of a funny system really.

Prof. and Mrs is something I see a lot. Some people do use Prof. as their title, though there often isn't an option for it on forms.

quote:Originally posted by NickJ

anyone who gets the arse about Mr and Mrs Hchristianname surname is simply wrong, thats how its done.

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I have an issue with this; whilst it is considered the "correct" form of address I don't think that someone not agreeing with it is "simply wrong" Nick.

Someone arguing that it is NOT the "done"/"correct" method of address is clearly in the wrong, sure. Someone choosing to get the arse because they dislike this manner of address is not.

I really dislike the idea that it's only this way in 2008 that some people find acceptable, to the exclusion of all else - it's down to the married couple of address to decide how they would like to be adressed, and if it's a different way to what YOU think, well, so what? Things change. Perhaps it used to be the correct form of address, but it doesn't mean to say that someone choosing an alternate method is wrong - only if they argue the definition of what traditionally it has been.

Hope I'm making myself understood here ?

SA. ?

quote:Originally posted by Hyacinth
hmmm. My initial reaction was prof and mrs sounds fine but actually it is a bit strange!

Ibet noneof the hitched drs get Mr and Dr though.id="red">

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I write this on my SIL's post.

I also address post to my mum alone to "Mrs (Dad's initial) Surname"

I don't object but I have to admit I tend to think of it as rather archaic. I'm fairly sure most bank post etc tends to come addressed to Dr X and Mrs Y Monkey so it's rare we get post addressed to us both that uses Dr & Mrs X - most of our friends aren't sticklers for ettiquette. I did recently receive a wedding invitation addressed 'correctly' which amused me more than anything else - I wouldn't have expected anything else from her though (meant in the nicest possible way - she's very correct).

I agree with Mrs SA - I think general usage on this has moved on to the extent where saying 'it's wrong' to do anything else is being a bit overly fastidious. Mind you, I struggle with formality and have to remind myself to address people by titles at all?.

I totally agree that one can dislike or even not approve of the "correct" practice. I do think that the "correct" practice seems awkward and inconvenient when the wife is a PhD/professor/minister of religion/Dame of the British Empire/military rank - and that's even before you get started on gay couples who have entered into a civil partnership and taken the same name. It doesn't really match modern reality, even aside from the feminist angle.

As for people who address a married woman by her husband's name when she hasn't taken that name, assuming they are aware of this, that's simply bad manners.

I consider it to be coorect and as such don't have a problem with it. Obviously if people have different surnames then it is not correct. However, I think you do need a standard way of addressing things.

L
xx

quote:Originally posted by Tilly Floss

quote:Originally posted by Hyacinth
hmmm. My initial reaction was prof and mrs sounds fine but actually it is a bit strange!

Ibet noneof the hitched drs get Mr and Dr though.id="red">

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I write this on my SIL's post.

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I write that on post to my sister and her husband (a hitcher), my parents (not hitchers) and a couple of other people (including another hitcher?

I'm don't like being addressed as Mr and Mrs A Surname, although I don't make a fuss as I understand it's the correct form. However, I do get annoyed when addressed as Mr and Mrs A Hissurname as we have double-barrelled surnames (both changed on marriage) - his family do this all the time and it really does infuriate me!