Being bipolar/having a personality disorder

Not to belittle your problem, but are you on the pill? This is exactly how I felt on microgynon. I felt like I had a split personality. Hyper one minute, crushing depression the next. Screaming at OH, then crying, telling him to leave then begging him to stay. When I switched I finally felt 'normal' again.

If not, then you should speak with your GP, or print this out and show them.

Hi, thanks so much for commenting. Makes me feel slightly better that I'm not alone on here!

How does your H deal with it? My OH says most days 'when is the girl I fell in love with going to come back?' but I can't answer that. I love him so much but I can't properly show it. He doesn't deserve to be treated the way I treat him but I simply just can't stop as it happens before I even realise I have done it.

No, I'm not on the pill currently. Not taking any medication in any way at the moment. My appointment with my GP is Monday 25th and I'm scared already. I don't really want to go but my mum is insisting and I don't want to treat people like this.

No answers or even any real help, but I certainly wouldn't judge you at all and well done for agreeing to see a Dr. Hope you find that helpful and get some treatment (if that's what you need) and support from all those who love you - and from the OT gang of course.

Keep us updated.

Again this is hard, because it feels to us both that I am in a negative mood much more often than I am positive. And he always has to do what I want him to do otherwise I get mad. Like last night he wanted to put top gear on that he missed on sunday. I told him no, we can watch that thursday with our dinner and now you can come upstairs with me and talk about wedding colour themes. It's only now I'm thinking about it that I realise what a nasty thing that is to do, stopping someone from doing what they want to do with their evening off and making them feel they have to do what I want. If he was to say no i'd say 'So you don't care about our wedding then? You don't want to marry me?' and i'd kick off. ☹️

Thank you so much for your advice, enterflora, it's really helped. I'll have to have a chat to him and see how he really feels about it all. Although we have discussed what could be wrong he hasn't actually been asked what he is feeling. I'd hate for him to be putting himself out and feeling rubbish just to keep me happy.

I'll keep you updated.

When you start to analyse behaviour patterns and actions, it's easy to lump everything in as part of the issue. Did I do X because of Y? It's brave of you to open up but I think you are worrying about TOO much.

Things that I think are pretty normal behaviour for everyone at various times in their life and that you should therefore dismiss as transient and separate to the core issue:
Doing nothing all day then getting grumpy when others do the same - perfectly normal (if irrational - that you recognise this is good)
Fear of death - perfectly normal (you will find a coping mechanism)
Spending stupidly - perfectly normal (as long as you're not living in the gutter - again, that you recognise it is good)
Second year slump at uni - perfectly normal (it WILL get better)
Being self-centred - perfectly normal (for some, it even comes naturally! )
Being a negative person - perfectly normal (there ARE "glass half empty" people)

All of the above have applied to me at some point in my life - some still do - and I don't consider them a sign of any wider problem.

Things that trigger concern:
Recent onset of radical mood swings - not normal
Feeling of detachment from your emotions - not normal (assuming you haven't recently suffered a massive period of grief/etc?)
Withdrawal from forming relationships with people/suspicion of others - not normal (assuming you haven't always been like this?)

Assuming you aren't taking medication, on any kind of illegal substance or abusing alcohol, these are definitely the key things you need to focus on with your doctor. Don't sweat the small stuff - you need to recognise the real problems and convey them properly (so that you don't feel like you've just rambled about spending too much!). Perhaps make a list to take with you, similar to what you've written above?

Wise words from the others. My husband has BPD and personality disorders are something that develop from childhood so if this is something that has come on recently then BPD seems unlikely. However I'm not a psychiatrist, and whether it's BPD, bipolar or something else entirely, if it's affecting your happiness and relationships as much as it seems to be then you need to speak to your doctor and get yourself some help. ?

And please don't worry about opening up on here, no one judges on Hitched (unless you happen to be a massive fan of money poems...)

This does not sound like classical bipolar behaviour. Although people commonly perceive bipolar to mean "mood swings" - it's really much more than that and very different - there are weeks/months long phases of either depression or mania, rather than switching between them over the day ("rapid-cycling" bipolar does exist, but again, the features don't really fit with what you're describing). The psychotic features of bipolar affective disorder are also complex and the fact you're displaying very good insight into what you're doing is another count against this being the likely problem - though I'm not a psychiatrist. I'd also be wary of labelling yourself with anything, whether a personality disorder or any other psychiatric illness; once you get a feeling that something is "wrong" then it's far too easy to use the internet to over-analyse every little thought/feeling that you have and link it to your self-diagnosis.

That said, it does sound like your thoughts and behaviour are causing problems for you and your closest relations, so it's definitely worth seeking help. Good luck!

Talking of it happening in the past, I have been previously been referred for counselling by my GP due to things I can't really post on here. I wouldn't link what happened to what is going on with me now, though.

Now to try and reply to everyone's posts!!

ForTheLoveOfMrsBrown:

Yes I totally agree. It wasn't me who thought 'oh maybe I've got something wrong' it was actually my sister who had seen the way I behave who then confronted me about it, and it turns out OH and my mum have also been thinking it but were 'too scared' of my reaction to tell me. Which makes me feel really sad.

I will take a list, that's a good idea. Thank you very much for the advice Maybe I am just worrying over nothing but as you've said it is best to speak to the dr just in case.

Peanut L&L:

Thank you for your advice. It is the problem with upsetting those close to me and obviously I don't want to be pushing people who mean everything to me away.

& Are these 'money poems' the ones about wanting money instead of gifts at the wedding? I have seen so many and they make me cringe so bad.

Helenia:

The reason I have good insight is because I have been told how I've been acting and I am now realising what I have been doing all this time. I never thought about it until those closest to me each said their bit, and it turns out I'm actually evidently a pretty nasty person.

And as for the labelling thing yes, although I've never made myself a victim of this before I know how easy it can be to self diagnose (and be completely wrong). That's why it's a trip to the GP for me.

Thank you everyone for wishing me good luck, I will make up a list of all the problems I believe I have had to take to the dr with me, and I will update you how it goes. Feeling much better knowing I have everyone here to talk to ?