This may take a while so get comfy, pull up a chair, grab a bottle of prosecco and a box of chocolates and enjoy!!
How it all began
Once upon a time, there lived a single mum of four miserably in her housing association flat in a dodgy area. Life had not been kind to her, and she had lost the ability to smile and laugh.
One day, she went to visit a friend called H who was married to Daryl. Although the marriage seemed happy on the outside, H was really a witch who had entrapped Daryl and was busily trying to destroy him while she played internet dating with other men.
As H played her wicked games, Daryl and our heroine, Bekki became friends and gradually she learnt to laugh again! For a few years, they remained friends and gradually life improved for the sad single mum.
Then, H showed Daryl her true colours and ran away with a Turkish dwarf leaving Daryl without his children, alone in his little house as sad and miserable as our heroine once was. Now it was Bekki's turn to help Daryl to smile again.
Bekki and Daryl became the best of friends and one day, as often happens, he kissed her. One of those kisses you only see in fairy tales, the one that leaves you breathless, that makes your heart stop and fireworks explode!! Except, that in fairytales this is the end of the story and in real life...
They get engaged!!
After a few years of living together, Bekki turned 40. This was not a day that filled her with joy! She begged her family to ignore this occasion and asked only that they celebrate in time-honoured fashion - with a Chinese meal! All was going well, good food and flowing conversation when suddenly Daryl rose to his feet, placed his spectacles on his nose and pulled a piece of paper from his pocket. Bekki looked up in horror! "what are you doing?" she hissed. "Sit down!!" But Daryl ignored her pleas and began his speech. He told her how much he loved her and how much he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. Then he dropped to one knee and...
Well here's the link to the youtube video for those who don't know what he asked her!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZksyT8DL7g
Secrets and lies!
Engagements lead to marriage do they not? Sadly for our hero and heroine, no immediate pkans seemed possible. 7 dwarves, (sorry... children), between them made for a sticky financial situation and behind the scenes the wicked witch was determined to cause them trouble. The fairytale seemed destined to stagnate for many years to come. Then, one day, Bekki met a good fairy who heard her tale and suggested a way to end her troubles. "Why not ask your friends to help?" she said. "I will lend you a pair of shoes !"
Our heroine thought and thought. Could it be done? Was there a way?
Then, she had an idea. In two years time Daryl would be 50. What a wonderful birthday gift - to give him a wife! It could be done on a budget, surely!! £2000 to spend had she, and so began the planning! Secretly, Bekki asked her friends for help. They offered her gifts of flowers, tiaras, hairdressing and food. They promised her more than she ever dreamed possible!! But, still Daryl knew nothing. She booked a venue for the ceremony, then booked another for the reception. She contacted suppliers and bought a second hand dress, then one for her bridesmaid and two little flower girls. But she began to worry, and her friends began to tease...would Daryl be angry? Would he ask her to leave, take back the engagement ring and never speak to her again? Only one way to be sure...
Valentine's Day
So Bekki made a new plan. She organised for the children to stay with their grandma and she bought a large box of chocolates. She wrote a letter to Daryl and placed it in a valentine's card, then placed the card in the chocolate box. She told the ladies of hitched of her plans and begged them for good luck wishes!! The hitched ladies, being good fairies, heaped their magic upon the couple and sent their vibes with pleasure.
Daryl opened the box. He opened the card. Bekki shook with fear and trepidation as he read the letter. Would he understand? Would he agree?
He said...YES!!!
And so the plans began in earnest. Invitations were sent to all the corners of the land and the couple's love grew ever stronger.
The evil witch had more tricks to play however and caused our hero much sadness when she kept his dwarves, sorry...children, from the celebrations. They were trapped by her wicked spells. But the good friends still helped and financial contributions upped the budget to £3000, allowing the couple to hire a tog!
The Final Run!
Months passed by and slowly the plans came together. The dresses were bought:
The suits were picked:
The venues paid for:
The cake designed:
The bouquets were made:
The garter ordered:
A ring cushion stitched:
Tiaras and a veil:
Shoes were cleaned:
Hair styles trialled:
Braces and socks:
Balloons and decorations planned:
Ring security organised:
Best man decided:
With just a few weeks to go, Daryl, the best man, Bekki's dad and brother-in-law went stunt-driving in Essex. 10 minutes after they left, there was a knock at the door. Bekki answered it to find...
No-one was in
sight. Where did it come from? When Daryl arrived home Bekki was ready with the
video camera and his reaction was all she could have asked for!
The following sunday, our couple woke up to find...
A mystery had begun! Who was the culprit??? Would this be a weekly endeavour? Not quite, but the pranks weren't over yet!!
Prank number 3 was the best of the lot. Who else wakes up to find a crime scene outside their door??
Prank number 4 almost fell flat however, the groom didnt quite appreciate the humour...
The last nightime visit was gentler, sweeter and just three days before the big day...
What our trickster didnt know was that he had been spotted!! As he prepared the crime scene, Daryl happened to wake and look out of the window. There, at 3.20am was the best man carefully sticking tape on the ground!!
The hen do and stag night and the final few days
Hen do plans were left in the hands of four good fairies who devised a day of fun and laughter for our bride. They crafted an afternoon away then arranged a hairdresser to help Bekki feel beautiful! Then they dressed her in scarlet and sent her out in the company of sailors, a pilot and a nun to see a drag queen supreme and a burlesque extravaganza! Strangely, our heroine enjoyed this bizarre experience and even took part - for this aberration she blames the cocktails entirely!
Our groom however was subjected to a longer ordeal thanks to his group of wickedly devious gnomes. Photographic evidence of their deeds I give you that suitable punishment may be devised!! They forced him to drink vast quantities of alcohol, to drive blindfolded around a field while dressed as The Stig, to play crazy golf and scare passing drivers into mounting the curb. They woke him suddenly with the sound of a razor in his ear. they threw his shoes around and removed his clothing. Then finally they stole his voice! These evil gnomes surely deserve banishment from the kingdom!!
Meanwhile, Beki had been sent to her childhood home to prepare for the forthcoming ritual. This consisted of making brioche based desserts, polishing the wooden furniture and watching the X-factor!!! Pure torture!!!
The Big Day
Finally the planning had to stop. The big day had arrived! Our heroine was calm. Our hero was hungover. First to arrive was the hair stylist who proceeded to turn four lowly maidens into visions of beauty. Next was the MUA who completed the look. Then arrived Robert Marriott and his lovely wife Claire to photograph the preparations. Still, our bride was calm. She chatted as she sat around in her pyjamas and laughed about her missing fingernail (it is believed that the wicked witch sent a curse that caused it to wither and fall down the plughole!)
Suddenly a shout was heard from below..."Bekki, are you near a window?"
"No, why?"
"Can you get to the window?"
"Erm...ok"
A car. A beautiful car. With a chauffeur and everything!! Provided by the bride's parents to complete her day. No other bride could possibly have a more wonderful family, of that I am certain!!!
Suddenly, the evil witch worked her magic once more and caused time to speed up. Every time Bekki asked what the time was, she was told she had loads of time so how come she was 20 minutes late?
Suddenly, it was all go. Her dress was on. Her jewellery was on. Her veil was on. It was time to go! And the nerves hit. Our bride began to shake, but she was smiling all the way.
She arrived at the castle (Danson House)
to be greeted by the uninvited guest with her camera.
After a short interview, she lined up behind the bridesmaids, pageboys and her son and daughter who were giving her away. After an anxious wait, she heard the beginning of Tom Baxter's "Better" and the door opened.
At first she couldn't see the groom but finally, there he was.
"Wow!" he said.
The ceremony was quick but the bride's father made everyone smile with a reading called "Love is...like golf balls". Highly appropriate for a golf-obsessed groom!!
Bekki smiled all the way through the ceremony and Daryl couldn't take his eyes off her. They held hands as if they were Hansel and Gretel and had just found the way out of the wood!
When it came time to exchange rings, Bekki suddenly realised she had forgotten
to remove her engagement ring! Fortunately, she was able to swap it to her other
hand before it mattered.
They signed the register to the sound of Meav singing "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face" followed by "Marry Me" by Train.
Finally, they were pronounced man and wife and danced out to "Caravan of Love" by The Housemartins.
After a few photographs 
they left the house to be greeted by a tunnel of bubbles and congratulations from all.
One photo was arranged with everyone on the steps and suddenly Bekki noticed sneeky sidling movements...the uninvited guest!! Yes, she had made her way into the photo!
As everyone headed for the gardens and more photos, the sun shone and the sky was blue. But the evil witch was still playing her tricks, having hidden the socks belonging to one of the ushers - hence the polka dots!
Finally, everyone except the bride and groom left to celebrate at Bekki's childhood home. A few private pictures were taken when the evil witch tried her final trick and the bride's garter slipped down her leg - this garter was destined to have a starring role!!
Our couple were chauffeured to the house and celebrated into the evening. The groom emptied a bottle of Jack Daniels!! Good food was enjoyed by all and smiles could be seen all round. Finally, the new family headed home to begin their lives together, free at last from the evil witch and all her spells.
The reception
What a night!! Our happy couple spent the morning fetching, carrying and decorating venue 2. Love hearts abounded, clichéd but very fitting for an old fashioned 80's disco!! On each table was a vase of paper flowers created with love, attention, blood, sweat and tears by Bekki. (believe me, the paper cuts nearly killed her!!). The cake arrived and it looked amazing set alongside the flowers, post box and guest book. Above the door to the buffet room was a photograph of the parents of the bride and groom with themselves set between. Then the balloons were delivered and completed the look.
As warrants a two day event, the couple then changed into their wedding outfits once again. hair redone, nails repainted, face made up once more. Everyone was dressed in their best and ready to party! As part of the planning, the invitations had requested that each guest bring, in place of a gift, a dish for the buffet. As the guests arrived, an amazing array of goodies appeared. From sandwiches to gateaux, pork pies to cupcakes. Bekki and Daryl were truly overwhelmed by the generosity of their guests. Finally, one very special piece of food - a birthday cake for the groom!
The father of the bride stepped up to make his speech, followed by Bekki's eldest two children. There wasn't a dry eye in the house! Next, Daryl thanked everyone for attending and for their help and told the story of how the wedding came to be. He also thanked the best man and got a little revenge!! Finally, the best man rose and completed the occasion with a few choice words. Bekki then handed out a few little gifts to all their lovely helpers.
By now, it was time for the first dance. As the words of Tom Baxter filled the room, Bekki and Daryl proceeded to do that well known, highly choreographed dance - the awkward shuffle. And then the party really began!! It took quite some time before Bekki suddenly realised they hadn't cut the cake!! As a result, it never got handed out and had to be divided up over the following week!!
Suddenly, a surprise! Daryl's youngest son stepped up and took the microphone. The couple had previously been saddened when Daryl's dwarves (sorry...children) had refused to attend the wedding. While they knew this was the work of the wicked witch, it was the one thing that marred their happiness. So when C stepped forward to express his joy and happiness for them, fully accepting Bekki for the first time, many tears were shed. nothing could have pleased them more.
Finally, as the evening drew
to a close - one final, joyous moment. The new family stood together on the
dance floor and a very special song began to play. Air guitars abounded (and one air violin);
dramatic arm movements were swept wildly round the room and severely out of
tune singing was heard. The DJ said he'd never seen a Bohemian Rhapsody quite
like it!! Personally, I think he enjoyed every second of it 
And so the party ended...or did it? As the bride and groom headed for their hotel room with the last bottle of champagne, their bodies aching and their eyelids drooping, they found the evil gnomes had prepared one last surprise...
Towels made into limp chickens, balloons in abundance and a bed full of rice and confetti!!
So, while this may not have been your classic fairy tale, while the stories may be slightly muddled it remains only to be ended in time honoured fashion. All together now....
And they lived happily ever after.
The End (well the beginning really, but you know how it goes!!)
