Best friend refused to be bridesmaid

I can understand your frustration, but I think there are a few reasons that you’ve mentioned that make it understandable why she’s backed out. If she is the only one wearing a cardigan (say it’s a nice day for example) she may feel self conscious as she would be the only one wearing one and may think that people may ask why she is wearing one (i doubt anyone would but if someone is self concious these sort of things play on your mind!). Also, I think the fact she’s just had a baby may make her feel she can’t give you the help and support that she feels she would want to give you if she were a bridesmaid. I can totally understand why you're upset (I would be too!) but maybe just respond saying that although you’re upset she won’t be able to be a bridesmaid you understand her reasons and that if she does change her mind you’ll be more than happy for her to wear something she feels comfortable in and for her to have a think about it. That way it gives her the option to come back and change her mind if she chooses too – it’s not worth losing a friend over xx

As someone that remains covered up because of old scars and marks I completely get her point of view... it is the only reason I would consider changing a dress for a bridesmaid (well that and not physically fitting)

I use to be very confident and wear little strappy tops and shorts but I cant do that now, I have physial panic attacks about how people seem me. ive had a hard time looking at dresses because everything is backless and strapless and its not a matter of 'not likeing' them it a genuin I CANT wear that.

which lindi bop dress is it?

lindi bop do some beautiful dresses but they also do their own shrugs and boleros at £17-£22 if you could stretch so that all 3 girls are wearing one then I would be happy as a bridesmaid (maybe check weather shes comfortable with lace or if she need soild material)

http://www.lindybop.co.uk/tops-c6/boleros-shrugs-c31

I also think it's her insecurity regarding the scars coupled with not wanting to in her mind maybe still drawing attention to it if the others either aren't wearing some form of cardi or later remove them when she can't. I don't think k its a personal thing against you. Although it's upsetting I would have a private word with her. Is there anything you can do to make her feel more comfortable. That you would love her to be a bridesmaid but at the same time you don't want her to be upset and can accept her decisions if she feels she can't. Post baby hormones may also be making her more emotional than usual about her scars.

I had a good friend who pulled out of being a bridesmaid. She said she was a size 10, and I bought a size 10 dress. She took several months to tell me it was too small, but by that time, the dress had sold out. I finally found a size 16!

She ended up dropping out as a bridesmaid but still wanted to come to the wedding. She came over to the hotel to get ready with us, and just relaxed as a guest.

I was slightly upset when she withdrew, but I love her and don't want her to be upset or uncomfortable. I'd rather she was there and happy. ?

I wonder if she's a terribly self conscious person who can't bear to be in the limelight? Don't take it personally. I'd let her be a guest and not push the BM issue.

Perhaps you can buy a cardi type garment which all the bridesmaids could wear so that it definately matches and she won't feel self-concious that she is the only one wearing a cardi?

Thanks for all you comments, helps when other people give their take on things. I'm sure I will get over 'being annoyed' and be fine with her now being a bridesmaid. ?

Did you have a chat with her before you bought the dress about what she would like to wear? If you did and she has suddenly pulled out then that is strange but, if you didn't, then perhaps it is the dress that has caused her to have the wobbles.

Can you return the dress or is this not an option? I think you need to have a chat with her about why she feels this way. Perhaps it is just the dress or perhaps she is having second thoughts and is using the dress as an excuse?

I hope you get it sorted soon x

I could be wrong, but when you said "scars she's had on her arms for many years" my mind immediately went to self-harm. Is it possible the reason she is so self-conscious is not only because of the scars but because it will be obvious what the scars are from if she shows her arms? There is a lot of emotion wrapped up in something like that and no doubt her post-baby hormones would make it worse.

I think its normal for peoples minds to assume that but its not always true which leads to more selfconcousness... my scars are from when I fell through a window as a child they are quite old and would be faded except that more annoyingly its combined with an unsightly skin condition aswell the makes my skin look red and blotched (the scars remain white), it has nothing to do with self harming but knowing people judge and assume causes more problems

I must admit this was my assumption too. Better to have a happy friend than an unhappy bridesmaid in this case I think.