Best Man Issue

First of all, I am so sorry for the loss of your child.

"On the other hand when B was told, he blew up and called us stupid for doing so. After an argument, explanation from both sides, we amicably made up."

What kind of 'explanation' did B give for referring to your much-wanted pregnancy as 'stupid'? That's appalling behaviour from anyone, especially a close friend, and it's hard to see what kind of 'explanation' could possibly justify this behaviour.

The lack of response following your bereavement could be due to a number of reasons - he could be feeling guilty for his horrible words about the pregnancy now that you have lost the baby. He could be feeling awkward and unsure about what to say to you, especially if he himself has not experienced bereavement. He could be unaware that miscarriage is a bereavement - it sounds crazy, but I've met a number of people who don't seem to realise that it is possible to miss a baby before he or she is born. To be honest, I find his original comments harder to overlook than his subsequent silence, and in your place, I would probably have cancelled his invitation to be best man when he first made those remarks.

You'll have to decide for yourself what course of action you are comfortable with - if you 'demote' him from best man then I would probably decline to be his best man at the same time - he'll likely pull the plug on it anyway, so you might as well just deal with it all at once. This is likely to end the friendship, but from what you've said about him, he doesn't sound a great loss. Sometimes, a person who was a great childhood friend just doesn't grow up into the kind of person who makes a good adult friend. If you're the kind of person who is loyal to your friends, it can be hard to accept this.

So sorry for your loss, it sounds like you have had a really difficult time and the best man situation is clearly not helping either.


I would suggest if your current best man has not made effort with you during your toughest period and in fact, caused an argument with you when you’re feeling so low I would have an open conversation with him. I would say, in person, how you’re feeling and ask whether he’s up to the job to be your best man and what your expectations are of him. Equally ask him what the expectation is for you being best man for him and whether this is something you can support with.
Equally you don’t need a best man, some people have just groomsmen and share jobs equally which reduces the pressure ect.
Hope it’s all sorted soon