bf wants to delay honeymoon but not stag for his studies

In my opinion, you are being a bit harsh : a stag weekend is only 2/3 days at the most - and is only a short break from studying, plus he wouldn't have to miss any classes. A month or even a 2 week honeymoon is a long time, think of the classes he would miss, the extra work he would have to catch up on when he gets back.

We are having our honeymoon a month after the wedding. It really doesn't matter when it is, as long as it is relaxed, quality time together. The last thing you would want on honeymoon is for his mind to be somewhere else, it will cause stress and tension; and that is not the way to start married life!

Now I am going to sound harsh, but to be completly honest, I think you are being a bit selfish about this.

When is his dissertation/final project due in? If it's due in June I can see why he is concerned. But if it is due in September, he is just being a wuss.

I got married mid-June and handed my dissertation in on 1st September, working part-time all the way through as well. I still went on my honeymoon. If you are organised you can allow yourself a week off. (We only took 1 week firstly as it was cheaper and secondly so as not to take too much time off.) And yes, I passed!

I don't really see the stag weekend as relevant to be honest because it's only a weekend, not a 2-week honeymoon. I don't think you can accuse him of picking the stag do over the honeymoon when it is so much shorter as to make it an entirely different kettle of fish.

Get him to make a proper plan of what he is doing when. Perhaps if he can physically see when he needs to work and when he can relax, he will be less anxious about fitting it in. This isn't for everyone, but I knew exactly how many words I should have written and which section I should be in, for every day in July and August. So I was okay about effectively scrapping most of June (with planning, honeymoon, and then moving house when we got back) because I could see where I was going to catch it up and I knew what I'd planned was doable. And it was, in fact I finished ahead of schedule which was nice for my stress levels!

I think that you don't have to have a honeymoon straight after the wedding, the question is do you want to get married if you can't have a honeymoon, in fact should you move the wedding later too so you can have the ceremony you want, you have a great bargaining tool there. You need to seperate the stag and the honeymoon as a stag is always before a wedding but a honymoon can be later We haven't had ours yet and it's been 18 years ?

If he is anxious about and you know he will be stressed then you won't enjoy the honeymoon as much as you should. Let him finish his studies which are more important then you can both have a relaxing break afterwards. A lot of couples wait a while for their honeymoon for reasons such as childcare, work or saving for a special trip. He sounds like he is being very sensible to me.

TOTALLY agree, , , ,

We got married in October and we are going on our honeymoon on Wednesday. Due to work/family and something special we wanted to attend in Vegas.....

You could just have a 'minimoon' for a couple of days and then have your big honeymoon later.

Lots of couples can't even afford a honeymoon but it doesn't make their wedding/marriage less special.

The stag, has to to happen before the wedding else it isnt a stag do... the honey moon however can happen anytime AFTER the wedding. Our honey moon wont be for a couple of month after the wedding due to other commitments we both have.

If I was in your situation, I'd think about going for a minimoon straight after the wedding (2-3 days) and then a proper honeymoon in October time after his course has finished.

I'm sure your OH wouldn't ask to delay the honeymoon if he didn't honestly feel pressurised at uni. Honeymoons are enjoyable so I don't see that it's something he'd want to 'get out of' if you see what I mean. You sound like you think he's doing this on purpose to upset you? That doesn't make any sense to me.

Plus if you delay it to October it spreads out the excitement! I don't think it would feel any less special just because you waited a few months.

Also his studies will last you both your life time together, for the sake of my OH being able to do them stress free with little interruption and upheaval I'd definitely reconsider the honey moon timing.

A honey moon is just a holiday after all as much as you think it wont be, it'll be the same but just more romantic.. just you both, somewhere nice and romantic without stress looming over your newly become hubbies head. How romantic will it be if hubby is stressed and very concious of the fact that the moment he gets back he has a lot of work to do.

If someone had asked me to go away for 2 weeks when I was finishing my MEd I would never have been able to go, and to be honest, I would hope my future spouse would support and understand that. As others have said, the stag will be a short time away and will also be earlier so he will have less deadline pressure. Be glad that you can afford to have a two week honeymoon, go for a couple of nights minimoon and then enjoy your honeymoon, stress free, a few months later.

I'm not sure why you set the date for May if at also the same time you knew he wanted to do an MA? That doesnt make sense anyway.

Like lots of people have said, a honeymoon is just a holiday and can wait until after he has finished. I would go on a short minimoon if it bothers you that much. Myself and H2B are going on lots of minimoons so that they last longer spaced out will make that feeling last much longer.

Getting married has to be something that makes you both happy. If you arent happy delaying the honeymoon, consider moving the wedding date?

I am in the midst of my doctorate so I do empathise with your partner. We have decided to have our honeymoon about 18 months after the wedding. We will go away for 3 days on a 'minimoon' after the wedding. I agree with the comments above - if he will be stressed it is not worth it. I don't really see how taking 2 or 3 days for a stag comes into the issue - this kind of thinking tends to be dangerous in terms of casuing arguements. I also see an advantage of delaying a honeymoon. I lot of people mention how they crash a bit after the wedding as all the fun and fuss of the planning and big day is over. Delaying the honeymoon will give you something to look forward to. Just my opinion though.

Can you not go away for a few days,a couple of nights maybe, just to get away for a bit and then have a 'proper' honeymoon once his studies have finished and he won't be so on edge. That way you'll both be able to fully enjoy it, instead of him worrying about how much work he's got to do, and you worrying about how he wishes he was at home catching up on his work.

Me and OH are having a week away straight after the wedding as a 'minimoon' and then going travelling (hopefully!) around our first anniversary. From being on here, it seems like this is a fairly common way to do it.

I think this might actually be the bigger issue here rather than whether or not you go on honeymoon straight away. It sounds like you don't feel he has been an equal partner in the wedding and the honeymoon has become the focus of your frustration.

Like others, I would look at trying a mini-moon as an alternative but I would really think about whether there is a bigger issue here that you need to address with him. I sometimes think that the wedding planning process brings out alot of these issues that if you don't address now, will continue to plague you after you're married.

I'd consider rearranging the wedding date in all honestly so neither of you feel you are winning or losing in the situation. I wouldn't have wanted a delayed honeymoon AT ALL at the time but after the wedding I actually thought it would have been pretty good to have all the wedding excitement die down and then be all excited about the honeymoon a short while later. Hindsight is a great thing though! Getting married and then the honeymoon straight away was great but it was stressful but then I hate packing ? and getting packed up for the night before the wedding, then the wedding night and then 3 week honeymoon all at the same time had me tearing my hair out.

I don't think a stag and honeymoon can compare though and if your h2b being on the honeymoon for a long time will just stress out him do you really want that? If rearranging your wedding isn't an option then have a mini moon and longer honeymoon after his MA.

I can't see you're compromising much either, to be honest. Do a week after the wedding maybe? 2wks straight from a wedding is a lot of ground for him to make up. No wonder he's a little anxious.

I agree with the other comments on this one. What would you rather - a lovely long honeymoon later in the year with a relaxed husband or a honeymoon straight after the weeding which will be shorter and with a husband who is stressed out? And if you say he can get argumentative on holidays then surely you don't want to force him to go away straight after the wedding and then end up rowing?

I think you need to be a bit more supportive and look on the positive side of this - if you do a minimoon right after the wedding too then you get two honeymoons and something great to look forward to after the wedding ?

I'm doing a BA and we are getting married on 12th May. We are delying the Honeymoon by ten days for me to finish my coursework and exams for the trimester. There is no way I could relax on Honeymoon knowing that I was going back to exams and other deadlines - I would have to spend half my time studying.

Have a minimoon, 4 days somewhere lovely in the UK & go on honeymoon once he's finished. Would you really want to go away with a guy who's going to be stressing the whole time about how much work he has to catch up on when you get back? Plus, it means you get to be around for all the "after wedding" stuff, like friends posting pics on facebook & getting prezzies delivered! Alot of people get hung up on traditions, you need to do what's right for you!! Xxx

Thanks for all the replies. My bf has been the one changing the dates around and confusing things. He now says 6 days is fine for a mini-moon! Which is completely fine by me and to be honest I'd be fine with a 1 week honeymoon. When I put my post up he wanted nothing after the wedding. Sure this may be ok for some people but most people would agree at least a weekend. Also, the relationship of this to the stag is because he initially agreed 10 days post wedding. Then wanted it to be less to accommodate for a 3-4 day stag. Someone (sorry couldn't find you when I looked) had the insight to see there is a lack of equality somewhere in this and it has felt that way at times. He is very very influenced by his friends and family's opinions. Example, last year my Mother mentioned page-boys in passing (she was being traditional) and he flipped and was quite rude to her; said my nephew looked militaristic in his outfit (he was in knickerbockers and frilly shirts) at my brother's wedding and said his sister would be highly offended if her kids looked like that and wouldn't allow any matching outfits. We were all shocked and because of that I decided I couldn't ask his nephews to join mine as my attendants (there are no girls and I just thought it'd be nice to have them all there). Then last night he announced he now felt paranoid about his nephews not being attendants and I said I would've loved them to be there but he'd made it clear to me this was distasteful to his Sister. He had to agree. So he is often changing things around and it has been really hard work planning this wedding. He really has been more concerned with what his friend's think than me and my feelings. I had to really assert myself to him and his two best men when they wanted to choose his suit with him and the colour be a secret and not let me know what it would be like. It's been horrible. As it goes, he then turned around and wanted me to go with him to a suit appointment with him.

Exactly this!

What's wrong with this? Did he get a say in your dress?

I think you're being a little unreasonable and controlling to be honest. Maybe you feel he is too but I couldn't go on a honeymoon with all that work hanging over my head