Bridesmaid

I think you need to decide if you are having kids there at all - if you aren’t, it’s an easy no! Otherwise, how do you feel about it? it is your day and you are free to say no (although I don’t know your family dynamics!). I think it’s really cheeky to ask to be a bridesmaid at all, let alone via your mum (and it wasn’t even your cousin who asked!). I don’t think you have to have someone as a bridesmaid just because it’s unfair not to - is there something else she could do instead so she is included - a reading or such?

It's super-cheeky of your aunt, but I'm not surprised.

I would say no. Bridesmaids are meant to be the people close to you who can support you on the day, not people who are pushed on you by other family members. And the argument that you can't have one cousin without the other is ridiculous, since one is an adult and the other is a child.

This may sound harsh, but do not give Im if you are not comfortable with it. If you had not considered her before them why would you now, just to please someone else and do you even know if she wants to do it?


I agree, it is not right she approached your mum, is quite rude actually. You mist stick to your guns and I would tell your mum that you do not want to ask her as you have chosen YOUR bridesmaids and it is not up for discussion. so whilst it may be hard, your mum has to tell her as it was her she approached. As you say, she is a child but that doesn't giver her a right to be your BM, and you are right, the argument of one and not the other is ridiculous, your wedding, your choice! Wishing you all the best, but stay strong

View quoted message There will be two kids there as they are my brother and sister (big age gap!) and, my mum suggested that I have my cousin be a flower girl or to hand out favours…..but I’m still unsure because I feel like I’m being pushed in to it

View quoted message Thank you, I was starting to feel like I was being unreasonable about it all but clearly it’s not just me x

View quoted message Thank you, I was really starting to feel like I was being unreasonable about the whole thing, but I don’t even think my cousin wants to do it! It’s my auntie who suggested it! x

I think if your not particularly close to them then no, or if its the concern around children maybe explain that. But alo sometimes its nice to have a small bridal party and have too many bridesmaids. However you could give her a small role, if your doing confetti getting her to hand these out, saying a reading/payre or something. Im not sure how traditional you going so appreciate may answer may not relate to your wedding but sometimes it just about them being a part of the wedding.

I really don’t think you should do anything you feel pushed into or obligated to do - these are the emotions that will become heightened on the day and the closer you get to it.

If people have an idea, and you’re reaction is “ooh that’d be nice!” then that’s when you should go with it. But in this case it sounds like you’re just worried about not annoying anyone.

Remember that bridesmaids do way more than just walk down the aisle. They’re there to help and support you, on the morning when you’re jittery, and in all those big moments leading up to your day. Don’t let anyone weasel their way in to what should be a very close inner circle.
This group helped me hold firm on a similar situation I was having with FSIL - and then it turned out the thought of being a bridesmaid hasn’t even crossed her mind, it was all coming from FMIL! Hold firm on what YOU want, everyone else will get over it, but it’s your big day and you’ll be the one remembering it forever.

View quoted message If you feel like you are being pushed into it and it isn’t something you want, then I say, push back! Your bridesmaids, your choice!
I’m having my 3 nieces (10,10 and 11) but also my 2 best friends as BMs and I’m expecting very different things from the 2 groups - my mates will be the ones supporting me whilst the kids will look cute! But there’s 3 of them and I’ve also got a nephew and an almost step son so it made sense for us to include them in age appropriate rolls. If your other BMs are all adults, then it’s entirely reasonable a 14yo just doesn’t fit in. Stand firm and don’t forget that it’s your day!

If you're old enough to be getting married, you're old enough to be making up your own mind about bridesmaids. But the 'aunt asking mother' thing is a classic sign of people who still think of you as their 'little' niece/daughter they can order around. I got married in my 40s, and my aunt was still ringing my mother to try to get her way over who got invited to the wedding!!!

Stand firm. I can guarantee if you don't, this will be the first of many 'aunt and mother' conversations where they decide how your wedding should be.

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E, this decision needs to come from your heart.

I recently picked my closets friends to be my bridesmaids not my two sisters, because they're already special to me they don't need an extra title. Don't let people talk you into anything you don't decide for yourself, its your day not their.