Bridesmaid advice!!

So in my opinion you don’t have to have her, you should have who you choose to have. I had 2 bridesmaids, 1 already married and I wasn’t a bridesmaids for her and 1 is getting married later this year and I am not a bridesmaid for her either.


Disregarding the family is she the sort that would be offended if you sat down and had an honest conversation with her? I’m sure if she is not like that she will completely understand and be fine with it

To help keep the peace with your fiancé’s family is there something else that she could do/help with on the day like a reading? Also did you get engaged before she asked you and you can get away with saying you had already asked your chosen bridesmaids?

View quoted message I don’t know whether to sit down and have a discussion with her about it or not to mention it at all. She hasn’t mentioned being a bridesmaid but other family members have


Thank you, yes I think that’s a great idea incorporating her that way. We got engaged after she asked me to be her bridesmaid so this is why I feel slightly uneasy about it

View quoted message Bless you I understand.

If it were me I would have a catch up over coffee or something and be honest with her. Say you are honoured to be bridesmaid for her and your brother, that you would love her to be involved in your day but had envisage your own sisters and best friends being bridesmaids for you, but would she please do you the honour of doing a reading.

As you say this has come from family not her and I’m sure as she has been planning her own wedding she will understand, especially if she has been on a forum like this 😊

I would do it to keep the peace tbh , you don’t want a rift with your future in laws and these sort of things can cause big problems. I know it’s your day and it should be up to you but how it wouldn’t really impact on you having her.

I'm concerned that your fiancé's family are laying down the law like this - are they paying for the wedding? Because, if not, they have no right to pick your bridesmaids for you. I would keep an eye on that situation and make sure that, if they start trying to take over your life, you set some firm boundaries.

What does your fiancé feel about this? Is he supportive of you or does he agree with his family?

View quoted message Family are tricky aren’t they! Ultimately It’s your day and you should do as you please. However if it will cause arguments and it’s not too much trouble to have another bridesmaid then may be the easiest option.

Does she have a large friend group or any siblings? Not in a mean way but were you asked as she didn’t have other options?
I’m sure she would understand when you let her know you’ve been planning your wedding since you were a little girl and have always known who yours bridesmaids would be.

I have always said I only want children as my bridesmaids and my sister/ cousin and best friend have understood that I haven’t asked them, even though I was bridesmaid for all of them. My MIL thought it was a bit strange that I didn’t ask any of them but I explained I’ve always imagined my wedding having just children and it’s been my wish since I was little.
Definitely have a coffee with the sister in law and see how she feels. She may not even want to be a bridesmaid, but still wants to come on the hen etc. Then you can explain the situation to the in laws