Bridesmaid can only come solo to overseas wedding and just for wedding day not welcome party or after party

I’d say it totally depends on the circumstances, can you provide any more info?

Naturally you would be upset she’s your bridesmaid. But as above I agree with circumstances aswell. Did she agree to be a bridesmaid before or after she knew it was over seas? This is a big factor. If she knew ALL the details and still agreed I would be upset, but me as a person probably wouldn’t say anything as I’m not like that. Is she nervous solo so the wedding day is more than enough for her socially and the most important part. Finances? Time off work? Child care? There’s lots to factor in. Just make it clear that she needs to be present on your wedding day that’s what bridesmaids are for which I am sure she will be. We now have a wedding abroad 4 weeks before our wedding and financially/time off work we can only do 3 days. And that obviously includes travel so won’t be part of the pre and post celebrations but we are there on the day and that’s what matters. I will point out we are only family of the guests not part of the party but those are our reasons.

View quoted message Basics are always knew it was going to be an overseas wedding knew back in June it was happening 13 months later. Had said they were making it into a holiday it’s now turned to leaving husband and child at home (they are both very welcome) the back and forth has been ended with her saying she thinks it’s best to just be a guest.


Better to know now then 6 months down the line!

View quoted message Oh no!!! I’m sorry you’re upset about this!!! See, we all agree to things through excitement and really we should all have a think about it. It is better to know now but would have been better to be organized from the beginning! I know you’re upset but do you have other bridesmaids or was she the only one? Although you are upset now on the day you won’t give it another thought.

If they are no longer able to make this part of a family holiday, then I can understand why she would be reluctant to spend several days overseas for your wedding, since that will probably impact on the amount of time she is able to spend on a family holiday with her partner and child later. It's much better for her to be honest with you now than drop out at a later stage. While it might be annoying/disappoint for you, I'm sure she has good reasons for her decision. She obviously cares about you, or she wouldn't be making the effort to fly out as a guest just for one day.

(NB: I'm assuming you told her at the start that you were expecting your bridesmaids to make a multi-day commitment to your wedding. If you didn't, then she probably just assumed she would be needed for one day only, so in that case, it's even more understandable that she no longer feels able to come)

View quoted message You are totally right to be upset. Of course it's a big commitment for her but you are asking her to be in your inner circle for a very special time of your life. You gave her plenty of notice and extended the invite to her husband and child. It would be very different if you said no plus ones and no kids to her. Hopefully you have other people around you to help with planning and celebrating ❤️. Hopefully in time you can mend the friendship

Expecting someone to travel internationally for your wedding is a LOT, especially in the current financial climate. Your friend may have initially been very excited to make your wedding part of a longer trip, but once reality hit and travel and accommodation costs started adding up she may have had to change plans. I understand being sad, but if she was close enough a friend to be your bridesmaid, I would set those feelings aside and thank her for attending in whatever capacity she can afford.

I understand that it is disheartening for you, but I think the problem these days is that everyone's situation can change in an instant. when your bridesmaid agreed to a wedding abroad and staying for longer etc maybe she was in a different place financially, or maybe some other factor has happened since she agreed to join you.

you can't really say 'well, you had 13 months notice' because that really means nothing when the country is going through a cost of living crisis and things are changing constantly, she has said she would be there for the actual ceremony so it isn't as if she's said she's not coming at all. I imagine this is her way of still showing you she cares and wants to be there for your special day but can no longer commit to the scale she had agreed to before. And at least she hasn't let you know last minute, like you have previously said.