Bridesmaid dilemma

That's a toughie. First I wouldn't worry about the parts of her wediing that were the same or similar to what you've planned. Presumably there only a limited number of people who'll be at your wedding who were also at hers. Not that it would matter anyway. I can totally understand you feeling bad about the bridesmaid situation at her wedding. It sounds like she didn't tell you the whole truth about her BM's which suggests to me she knew you'd feel bad and she was doing something that was a bit disrespectful. The question is do you feel close enough to her to want her to be an important part of your day. If not, then you gave to talk to her. X

Hmm a tricky one, and i am having my sisters as bridesmaids, not sure how i would pick between friends. Some brides worry about copying and then don't like talking to other b2b that they know others want it to be a big surprise for everyone apart from the inner circle. I on the otherhand will have no surprises as i tell everyone everything I think it would be worth going out for coffee and cake and tell your bridesmaid that you were hurt by not being asked to be her bridesmaids and find out her reasons.... it might be her friend who she has known less time had been really mucking in and helping out and she wanted to promote her to recognise her efforts.... but ultimately it is upto you and where you think this friendship is going

Are you saying because she didnt ask you or tell you everything bout her wedding that you now dont want her as your bridesmaid?

Personally I think that might be a bit OTT if thats the case but i concede i am not you, if she hadn't told you much bout her wedding then realistically you dont know why she had the 4th bridesmaid, you arent privvy to that so dont go down that road of thinking why didn't she have you, she didn't for whatever reasons she decided, and perhaps her knowing you would be upset she felt it best not to tell you

Taking her wedding out of the equation/question are you still happy with having her as a bridesmaid? This can be difficult to answer because her wedding IS an issue but think bout it and see. Her wedding was just that HER wedding, and as we know from here and other wedding forums not everyone sees weddings, either their own or other peoples the same way.

As for her having same things as you, first of all not everyone at your wedding will have been at hers, and 2ndly MOST people wont remember what she had anyway

Noone will know that she has had the same things as you at her wedding... I mean all weddings are weddings they all have flowers and bridesmaids and colours and favours. Ok so some were the same, but who is going to know??

As for Bridesmaids, each Bride chooses who they want and who means the most to them. It should never ever be tit for tat.

Thanx for all of your opinions.Maybe i came across wrong. We have known each other since we were both 3 years old, and were both bullied at school, to which we both supported each other. We used to talk about moving in together and being each others bridesmaid when we were younger. Thats y I chose her, because she has been there for me, and I have her, she is (or was until 6 months ago) the closest friend ive ever had. I dont mean to come across rude or selfish, just to be asked to be a bridesmaid means that that person values you highly in their life, and thats why I asked her. It upsets me that all weve been through together that she doesnt value me the same way as a freind. Thats why im unsure whether to have her as mine, not tit for tat

I'd have a chat with her, she might not realise how upset you are

Hey, I was the same, I had 2 best mates at school went through everything with them and we all always said that we would be BM for each other.. But I have chosen ONE BM neither of which are them..

I am still good friends with them but its more a every 6 months a year thing now.. I have 3 kids they have 1 (None) and the other ( 2 but parents that look after them every weekend so she can go out) so I am no longer part of their going out and getting off their faces every weekend life.

So my BM (MOH) I only met 3 years ago but I have never been colser to anyone in my life... I speak to her literally all day everyday (on messenger) we have soo much in comman, she was the one ju,ping for joy when I said I was getting married etc.

Maybe my old friends will remember maybe they wont, but I am not 18 anymore (god I am 30!!!!!!!! EEEK!) and its not the same now. But if they get arsey about it then they wont even get an invite!

I didnt mean to come accross as mean in my previous post its just its YOUR wedding hun, if she is not such a good friend now then in 18 months or whenever will it get better or worse?

x

She more than likely does value you as a friend as much but a) doesnt show it and b) perhaps more likely has different values.

I am 43 i have a friend who i have known since we were both 15 at school, at school we didn't get on but once we left school we became extremely close, then i move away and we became less close however since the 'invention' of emails/texts etc we speak 'virtually' practically every day, she is godmother to my 2nd child, but she wont be a bridesmaid for me this time around, although she was at my 1st wedding, her partner flatly refuses to marry again (once bitten twice shy kinda thing)y or have kids so i wont ever be her bridesmaid, nor godmother to her child but that doesn't mean she doesn't value me any less than i do her. Different people have different ideas, maybe she doesn't realise how much her asking you would have meant, nor does she realise what it means to you having her as a bridesmaid......different courses for different horses but neither are right or wrong just different, but i do think you owe it to yourself and to her to tell her how uspet you are, or it will eat away at you

Hope you can get it sorted x x

But if one of these had chosen you?

I was bridesmaid for my brother and SIL so to return the gesture she will be one of my bridesmaids. Therefore I have also asked OH's sister, so she doesn't feel left out. And since we have been wedding planning I have become closer to my SIL2B and can tell that she is genuinely excited for us. To me, that is what a Bridesmaid should feel ?