Bridesmaid Dilemma!! Any experience letting someone down??

I wouldn't worry about having a conversation where you tell her she's not a bridesmaid. When you don't ask her to be a bridesmaid she will understand from that. But if you're not close anyway, surely she won't expect to be asked?

Karen84 I'm not sure.... I have never mentioned her being a bridesmaid in past talks (before the engagement) but I do feel as though she will expect it.

I feel bad asking her sister and not her tho...

Even so, I think she will get the message when you just don't ask her.

You shouldn't feel bad asking her sister, particularly if you're close to her. You need to feel confident in who you will be able to rely on as the time draws closer, and on the day itself. There are so many threads on here where brides regret who they have picked for a number of reasons. Just stay firm with your decision is all I can suggest,

It definitely doesn't make you a bad person! Cross that bridge when you come to it. I can totally understand why you'd feel like this, and I would probably be the same, but I think you would create more of a problem if you told her why you didn't want her to be a bridesmaid at the same time as when you asked your sister etc to be your bridesmaid, if that makes sense? Not that I'd expect you to do it on the same day at the same gathering or anything, but in all the initial BM 'fuss'. Let her figure it out, and if she gets the hump then she gets the hump, but she'll get over it, and we'll be here to give advice. She might not be bothered!

This is so similar to my situation! My H2B has 2 sisters, one of whom I'm extremely close to and the other is the complete opposite - we really don't get on at all. I have asked his 'nice' sister to be a bridesmaid and asked the other sisters daughter (my H2B's niece) too. It's never come up about her mum being or not being one, not that I've seen her and it wouldn't be expected either.

i think you just have to stand your ground we've these things even if it's slightly awkward for a while. If you're not close she shouldn't expect to be asked and shouldn't really get the hump about it! I'm in the camp where I'm starting to regret asking one of my others - you really should just choose the people you 100% want standing next to you on the day and dont give in to pressure

If you did want her involved somehow, what about her doing a reading?

If, as you say, you aren't close/don't want her, just point out how happy you are that her kids are involved and focus on that. Dont feel guilty. Think of the extra cost of another BM dress/finding something to fit them all, hair/make-up etc etc.

Hey,

first of all I completely echo what the other girls have said - it is your day and the important thing is to have the people you want around you. She will get the message she you ask for her daughter to be involved but I think just not saying anything to her is better than drawing lots of attention to it with a specific conversation - whilst it feels all consuming for you at the moment and I can totally understand the dilemma it's maybe best not to make a big thing of it!

If she does bring it up and ask either whether she will be a bridesmaid too or ask why she hasn't been asked, have a few clear thoughts in your mind about what you would like to say, but I'd make sure it was really clear but still kind. I hada. Similar thing with two girls I was asking to be bridesmaids but didn't know which to pick as MOH and knew both were expecting it, so when I decided, I sat with the one who I didn't choose and talked her through my thoughts and ways that I would love for her to be involved and what skills she had that I would appreciate her help with over the coming months and she really understood and has been brilliant. Maybe with this lady if she brings it up you could ask for her support with her daughter, (I don't know how old she is!) making sure she feels confident with walking down the aisle etc so that she feels involved in someway but you have control over how?

Its not not easy but ultimately the people who really matter are you and H2B, so our motto has become seeing as we can't please everyone we may as well please ourselves first!!

Good luck xx

I'm not sure if I want her involved at all, other then the obligatory day guest. Maybe asking for the children would suffice then, I'm not good at confrontation and I really couldn't handle the hump from her on top of how I feel about it all.

I'm in the position where if I had my way I wouldnt even have her as a day guest!