Bridesmaid dilemma! Help please!

You have to choose the people who will help you to enjoy your day, not people you feel obligated to choose but don't really want.

You've explained all of the reasons why you don't want her, and they are perfectly legitimate reasons. Have you explained it to her gently?

As for worrying about making her anorexia worse, as long as you aren't cruel to her then you shouldn't blame yourself for that. H2B has a mental illness and he has taught me that I am not responsible for making him better or worse, he is. If she tries to say that you have made it worse then, harsh as it sounds, that is another reason not to have her.

Hi hun,

I had a kind of similar situation. Growing up, my very best friend and I made a pact that we'd each be the others MOH when we got married. But as is life, things change. When I got engaged I too realised I couldn't afford more than 3 bridesmaids. Problem is - I have 2 sisters and a niece who I also love dearly and who made it obvious they wanted to be my bridesmaids (as well as cousins etc etc!). It was a really difficult decision to make; however it had to be done. I didn't want to dwell on it so I told her as soon as I could, and yes she was a bit gutted, but I explained my reasons and she did understand.

That being said, I haven't left her out completely, and I'm still getting her involved in my day. I have asked her to help my MOH (sister) in planning my hen do. And I have also asked her to read a poem at our ceremony. We have even gone shopping together for her wedding outfit - it's not the same as my bridesmaids but it coordinates with our colours

I think as long as you explain your reasons you should not feel guilty. It is true what they say - it is your big day and you should involve people as much or as little as you want to. You can't please everyone! But if you want to, maybe giving her some special duties for the day (such as a reading) might lessen the blow.

Good luck x

This. I was a bridesmaid for a friend two years before my own, but I had my two sisters and no one else. Also, by the time my wedding came round we weren't keeping in touch anymore, so I didn't even explain the situation, I simply didn't ask her.

In your situation, I'd probably mention to your friend, when you see her, that you need to ask your two sisters in law and friend, and that you can't really have any more than that. You're not being unreasonable!

My feeling is that you should have whoever you want to be your bridesmaids and certainly shouldn't choose someone because they chose you. Having said that, I have an anorexic daughter so I understand a little of what your friend is going through. Anorexics have a tendency to push their friends away, partly so they can hide their behaviour and mostly because the illness is so time consuming and absorbing that they genuinely can't deal with anything else. This may explain why you've had so little contact recently. From her point of view, anorexic brain in control, she thinks you've deserted her. Deep inside she probably knows she is being illogical but genuinely can't help it. Please don't change your plans to make her feel better, but please also don't think you're making it worse. I can guarantee you're not xxx

Yeah agree with the others, don't think you should feel too bad about this.
Its really not your fault and you don't have legitimate reasons for not having her, as someone suggested you could maybe mention to her next time you'd love to have her but only limited to 3 and you want to keep it in the family or something.
She might be a bit upset but will hopefully understand that that's just how it is and come around to it.