Bridesmaid due around wedding date

You're not being a bridezilla. Of course you're going to be torn about this. On the one hand you're thrilled for your best friend, but on the other you're gutted for yourself and all your beautifully laid plans. It's only natural. The timing sucks, but that's life, and you're right to be making contingency plans. The key will be finding a compromise, for both of you.

My advice would be not to rely on her for any jobs, just in case she decides she can't face it, or in case the baby comes early. I would sit down with her and talk about this, so you can tell her your worries and make sure she understands you're not trying to kick her out of the wedding, but that you need a back-up plan just in case - for her sake as well as yours! How far away is the wedding? She might be confident right now that she'll be able to manage, but she might start to have second thoughts nearer the time when she realises how hard being heavily pregnant makes things. But by then it will be too late for you to make other arrangements, so you need to plan accordingly now. Do you have other bridesmaids? Can one of them step in for the make-up if she can't do it?

As for her dress, why don't you tell her to come wearing anything she feels comfortable in? That way you don't have to worry about finding and paying for a dress, which may or may not get worn. She won't match the others (if there are others) but does that matter? She could carry the same flowers as the others.

Can she really not come on the hen? Isn't there even just one part she could manage? Even if it's a wild night out, are you having a meal as part of it that she could maybe come to? That way she'll only lose a bit of her deposit.

I agree with the advice in the post above. I think you should have an open conversation with her. I would definitely book another make up artist. Baby could come early but also she will be very uncomfortable and it's just easier for you both to take the worry away. Also if she attends the wedding for the full day then she'll need to be resting in the morning, otherwise she'll be exhausted by the end of the day.

I agree with the post above about the dress, just say she can wear whatever she wants (maybe suggest she chooses something in your wedding colours), and maybe say she'll still be a bridesmaids and included in all the bridal party photos and named on the order of service etc. Then see if you can return the dress you've already bought or sell it on?

How come she can't make the hen do? I've been on 2 hen dos whilst pregnant - I had one last week and i'm almost 7 months pregnant! If she's adament she can't make it then work out the numbers and how much it would effect everyone else if she didn't pay. And maybe come to some arrangement with her. If the deposit has been paid then hopefully she'll understand you'll still need the full amount as numbers were finalised.

Hope that helps! x

From the photography side of things from my experience what it could mean is that she may not end up in all the bridesmaids shots that you had in mind or perhaps they can not be done exactly where you would of liked, im thinking about particular backgrounds here, all this is due to being heavily pregnant and uncomfortable and and not being able to walk far ( or at all )needing to sit down and take a rest.

But having said that I have also shot weddings where a bridesmaid has said it was due the day before and she was absolutely fine and was kind of hoping that all the moving around might just kick start things !

Hi, this happened with me and my sister, she is due on my actual wedding date haha. I just asked her if she still wanted to be a bridesmaid and she said no, which was fine with me, she wouldn't know what size dress to order and she doesn't know whether she will still be pregnant or have a tiny newborn baby.

However I wouldn't have dreamt of telling her that her baby wasn't invited, we are only having nieces/nephews anyway but I personally don't think it would be reasonable to expect a new mum to leave her baby for a full day or day and night, and I wouldn't have been able to with my children anyway as I breastfed them both and my milk wasn't established enough until about 3-4 weeks in to be able to express enough for a full feed, never mind a days worth, so that is worth bearing in mind when you decide whether the baby will or won't be invited.

Over the hen do she will surely understand about losing her deposit, but again I wouldn't expect anyone to pay for something that I knew they wouldn't be attending (I would feel uncomfortable) and am sure if you speak to the venue they won't still charge for her.

Lots of people have asked me if I am annoyed at her timing and seem surprised that I aren't, but at the end of the day I wouldn't expect people to put their lives on hold for our wedding, it isn't important enough to anyone else.

MY sisters chief bridesmaid was about 7 months for her wedding, she wore the bridesmaid dress that had been ordered (it was a corset back so we were able to have it as loose as possible. It didn't fit perfectly but it went on! Then she changed into something else for the evening.

She also came on the hen do, which was an afternoon tea then a night out - she just didn't drink and went home early in the night.

I do think that if she does have a tiny baby then it'd be unfair to make her leave it - at least all day, could you let her have it there in the evening if someone looks after it for the ceremony? Although most newborns seem to sleep a lot, so maybe it'd be okay? Or let her know that if it starts crying you'd want her to take it outside?

I was 3 days old when me my took me to her sisters wedding, I was a month premature and my mum discharged herself from the hospital early as she wouldn't miss the wedding! Apparently I cried a lot during the ceremony so she just took me outside, but that I slept through the wedding breakfast.

Has she said she doesn't want to be a bridesmaid anymore? Do you know for sure she won't fit into the dress? Also has she said she can't make the hen or are you assuming? Has she said she can't do the make up?

i think you're worrying unnecessarily. Just ask her up front if she still wants to do your make up and if she's still going to be a bridesmaid. If she says yes then you don't need to worry - she said yes and she knows the plans and what she can and can't manage. If she says no then you don't need to worry about offending her - and you can book another MUA.

When it comes to the hen I would say if she cancels then suggest (gently) that she could maybe help out with covering the cancelation. Or get someone else to come in her place? If she's coming but not taking part in everything she will still be paying.

Also don't say "adding insult to injury" when you're taking to her as her pregnancy as neither insulted nor injured you. Just put the ball in her court and let her sort herself out. Don't micromanage too much or you'll wind up super stressed and you don't need to be.