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Bridesmaid Duties

josephine, 2 March, 2009 at 22:55 Posted on Planning 0 4

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Hi,

I'm new to this forum, and I was wondering whether any brides-to-be or bridesmaids could help me? I'm being a bridesmaid at my very good friends wedding next month, and quite frankly I'm terrified. I'm hugely honoured and happy to be asked, and I'm so happy for my friend, but I'm quite shy and self-conscious and don't really know what will be expected of me on the day and in the lead up to the wedding. I'm a fat bridesmaid, which doesn't help, and I've been panicking about photos (I always look so awful and shiney!). Obviously this day is not about me, and I don't want to convey my anxiety to the bride who quite frankly has more than enough stress in her life at the moment, without worrying about me. I was thinking that if I knew what to expect, and knew I was making myself useful on the day (not just hanging around like a spare part) that I might feel better. I want the day to run as smoothly as possible for the bride and groom, and I was wondering if you could tell me what you expect(ed) of your bridesmaids on the big day? What would you want your bridesmaids to do? There are 4 bridesmaids altogether, including a matron of honour who is pregnant so Im not sure how much she will be able to do on the day and I live a few hundred miles away from the bride so I can't be on hand for the day-today stuff.

We had the hen night on Saturday - one of the other bridesmaids organised it, and I made up 25 goody bags for everyone, and the matron of honour provided the obligatory paraphenalia and a lovely photo album.

All the bridesmaids are buying their own dresses and shoes (which have been agreed on)

The bride has been dress shopping with her mother and underwear shopping with the matron of honour, so that's sorted.

I am taking a few days off work and going down early to help with wedding-preperations, including decorating the church etc. Ive booked the hotels for the bridesmaids and one of the other bridesmaids is organising the meal for the night before the wedding (she lives with the bride so she knows restaurants etc in the area)

I was thinking of offering to put together the order of service/order of the day cards as Im not sure they have thought about them...

Anyway, what else should I do/be doing? What should I do on the day? The bride is stressed and disorganised and incredinly busy with work, the wedding and other stuff and when I have asked her, she didnt seem to know...

Thanks for your help. I'm not trying to make the day all about me, truly, just having a little panic on my own!

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Latest activity by Bridget Gump, 3 March, 2009 at 22:30

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cantwait2bMrsC · 3 March, 2009 at 16:26
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Hi, welcome to hitched.

Not sure i've got much advice for you but thought i'd bump your thread up in the hope someone more useful will respond! It sounds like you've done quite a lot already to help with preparations and being there in the few days before to help with decorations etc... i'm sure will be really appreciated. Maybe you could mention order of service cards to the bride - it may be that she hasnt even thought of them, in which case would probably be really pleased you'll do them, or perhaps she doesnt want to have them. So far My bridesmaids havent been involved at all really with planning, apart from my CBM who's been dress shopping with me, though i'm sure i'll be finding plenty of stuff to get them to help with over the next couple of months! As for what you should do on the day... hopefully someone who's been a BM before, or someone who's already married, will answer that one.........

Good luck!
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soon2bsummers · 3 March, 2009 at 16:34
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From my experience as a BM (well, chief BM!) on the day there is really nothing to it!!

Just try to relax and enjoy the day. I'm sure she will let you know if she needs anything.

Sarah xx
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Stazzle · 3 March, 2009 at 17:05
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I think you have already done more than enough! I would be grateful if I was the bride.

It really is down to her to plan all the things you mention, and unless she is desperate and turns to you for help I wouldn't worry.

Enjoy the day, and welcome to Hitched! Are you a bride-to-be as well or just posting solely as a bridesmaid?
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cat26 · 3 March, 2009 at 21:48
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Blummin ek I wish you were my Bridesmaid, you have done ten times the stuff mine have!

I think with the amount of bridemaids your friend has she may have things covered. But sometimes not all Brides know all of the bits they should consider/do for the day, gently mention the order of service cards etc and offer help, but step back if she refrains. Just saying you can help with other bits will be enough and even is she has nothing for now, I am sure on the day you can help guide guests, keep guests entertained while photos are going on etc.
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Bridget Gump · 3 March, 2009 at 22:30
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I was chief (and only) BM for my friend last year, I organised her hen party for her here (she lives in NL), but there wasn't much else I could do as the wedding was in Italy. On the day I just tried to help where I could see it was needed, i.e. handing out buttonholes. She also provided me and the ushers with lists of instructions, which were great as then we knew exactly what needed doing.

With my bridesmaids (or brideslaves, as I'm now referring to them ?) One is helping out quite a bit with things like table decs, invitations, as she is a professional stylist. The other has helped lots with dress shopping, as she has very similar taste to me, and she is helping mum sort the hen party. The third and two little ones aren;t helping that much at the moment as one lives in another country and the little ones are only 9 years old. On the day I'll provide them a list of little things to help with, like putting some food up in our room etc.

I think your best bet is to ask the bride what she wants you help with. She's very lucky to have such a thoughful BM and friend.

SK
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Bridesmaid Duties

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