Bridesmaid help

Hi Miranda. My best friend had a bridesmaid just like this and that is the exact reason why I am not having her. I’m currently trying to work out how to tell her she won’t be mine. She caused problem after problem. Personally. I would call her or send a message and say, our relationship has clearly been effected and I don’t want anymore negativity leading up to and on the day of our wedding so I am retracting your invitation. She’s put herself in this position as a grown adult, let her be. Some people just don’t like people having attention and they act so childish. I’m hoping your friendship hasn’t gone down hill with your bridesmaids you have now.

View quoted message Thankyou for your reply! Thankfully my other girls have been amazing and completely see what’s happened and that it’s caused so much stress and tried to help as much as possible! So so difficult when there’s always one person to spoil things! X

Thankyou so much for your reply! I think this is best and hopefully no more arguing! Thankyou xx

View quoted message I’m so glad your other bridesmaids understand. Don’t let that one person or any person ruin anything for you. Tell her what is what in a kind way and enjoy the rest of your planning! X

I'm so sorry you've had to deal with this. Why has her behaviour caused the other girls to be out of pocket? If it is genuinely her fault, then she really needs to reimburse them.

It's up to you whether you keep her as a guest or not. Disinviting her is almost certainly going to end the friendship, but it sounds as if that won't be a great hardship! How do you feel at the thought of her being at your wedding? If the friendship has soured to the point where you don't feel comfortable with her being there, then you need to tell her she is no longer invited. But if it's not going to bother you that much, then it might be worth letting her come and seeing if the friendship rebuilds over time.

I am sorry you are going through this, it is the last thing you need this close to the wedding. I am 6 weeks away from my wedding and I remember the 4 month mark was probably the most stressful time.

Personally I would uninvite her. Her behaviour has clearly shown she doesn't have your best interests at heart and so do you really want or need a friend like that? She doesn't sound much like a friend to me. People change and although you have known her a long time, that doesn't mean you should hold onto a friendship that is hurtful and damaging to you. Also if she did come as a guest, she sounds like the type to hold a resentment and you don't want to worry about her behaviour on your wedding day.

If you are questioning whether you want her there and your overall friendship with her (which sounds like you are), you have already made up your mind about her and you just need the courage to end that friendship. You really don't need to keep that kind of toxicity in your life. True friends would be so supportive on this special day and she clearly isn't.

It sounds like your other bridesmaids are very supportive and you have a good bunch of friends there, so I would focus on that and having the best day.

This is why I never invited my best friend to be maid of honour or a bridesmaid. She is too fussy, too particularly and wouldn’t want to wear anything I pick so rather than fall out I decided not to bother! I think she’s forgetting it’s not her wedding by the sounds of it. Just say you can’t have her wearing a different outfit and hair from the others so it would best to not be a bridesmaid but still come to the whole event. Just say that way you can be comfortable wearing what you like. Leave it down to her if she wants to come or not. Simple

It sounds like her being a bridesmaid is done now as she has stepped down, so as far as all the stress about that goes, write it off and move forward with your other bridesmaids (who sound great!). There’s no point holding on to resentment, they will look amazing in the dresses you chose even if they’re not what you’d have gone for if the other one didn’t have a say. So that is done, don’t waste any more energy stressing about it.
The only decision you now have to make is what to do about her going forward.
Personally I wouldn’t uninvite her from the wedding as that is the nuclear option, and could cause even more stress.
Instead, utilise your other bridesmaids to keep her in check. As you say she’s a friend from 10 years ago, are there any other guests going that she knows? If so, make sure she is seated with them so she isn’t feeling isolated (and therefore more likely to complain).I promise you that on the wedding day, you won’t care if she’s there or not, and you won’t care what mood she’s in. You honestly will not have any capacity to even think about her.If I’m trying to rationalise her behaviour, perhaps she has been feeling jealous/anxious about the other bridesmaids being closer to you, as she is an older friend, and she’s dealt with that (poorly) by trying to have some control over the decisions. My best friend had a bridesmaid exactly like this: she was her oldest friend and wanted to assert her position as “best friend”, constantly trying to make sure her opinion was the one that was considered the most important. I was MOH and I think that really upset her as it made her realise she wasn’t as close to the bride anymore. She didn’t like any of the dresses, didn’t want to come to the hen do (in the end she came to the dinner part of it, refused to eat anything and didn’t even take off her coat). At the wedding, the rest of us basically took it in turns to keep her busy and away from the bride, who had an amazing wedding and doesn’t remember anything about her causing any issues! The only time she came close to causing a problem was when she kept trying to get up to rearrange the bride’s dress during the ceremony - the bride’s mum eventually told her firmly to sit down and kept her hand on her shoulder for the rest of the service to stop her from getting up again!

View quoted message Thankyou so much for your reply!
Atm we are not speaking anyway as I had to get it off my chest with her (which she didn’t end up agreeing with what I have to say) the two other bridesmaids are my sisters and I’m very close to them and the other bridesmaid is a really good friend of mine and I have a better bond with the 3 than the friend in question so this makes sense with the jealousy and feeling a bit out of place!
Not sure if we will be speaking by then or not it’s just sad and unnecessary so close to the wedding when already feeling stress and nerves etc but hey! Oh my god that sounds awful at your friends went to rearrange the dress! Glad got firmly told off! Haha and that’s a really good idea actually having the bridesmaids distract her! That’s if she goes in the end haha Thankyou so much! X

View quoted message Thankyou for replying! That’s so sad that yeah couldn’t have your best friend as a bridesmaid because of the way she is! I don’t get why people are like this for other peoples day! I think for now it’s looking she won’t come anyway which is super sad thinking but also probably better and less stress

View quoted message Thankyou for your reply!
I know I feel this time it’s all a bit more stressful trying to think if you’ve forgotten anything and needing to make sure have all the funds to pay people etc without people also making it stressful!
I think my mind is made up and for now I wouldn’t want her there as like you said it will be jealousy on the day and I don’t want any negativity at all! Also congrats you’re 6 weeks away how exciting!! Xx

View quoted message Thankyou for replying!
So the other girls already planned hen do and paid for the accommodation but she hasn’t yet and now she’s not going on the hen do I don’t think she will! They could’ve found a cheaper hotel as less of us going! I said I would reimburse them as I feel so awful and wanted to pay anyway but they were so generous and wanted to pay for me which is lovely but hate the thought of people losing money! We also said would all chip in for activities etc so one less person also the night before we are all staying at the venue I said again I could pay for their rooms but they wanted to pay for themselves im staying in a room with my MOH and the other girls are splitting cost with a triple room which one of them has paid for already, but the friend in question still hasn’t paid her back for this! And now she’s no longer staying the night before anyway! Meaning again they could’ve got a double room and been cheaper and the place is a bit funny with refunding them! I just hate anything that comes with money and would so love to just pay everyone back because it’s not fair on them and tbh I don’t think she will reimburse them at all as she doesn’t think she’s done anything wrong anyway!
It’s got so so awkward and not actually speaking now which is so so sad and makes me almost feel like the bad person but I also now just want to try and get on with wedding planning without stress and negativity with the people I love! Thankyou again for your reply! Hope you’re well xx

View quoted message

That's really tough. It sounds as if she has no intention of reimbursing them which is really mean. It sounds as if she 's an old friend rather than a good one - a good friend wouldn't put you in this position.

I think you are right to try and focus on the positive aspects of your wedding planning, and on the people who are being supportive to you. I hope you can put it all behind you and have an amazing wedding day.