Bridesmaid is getting married!

Im being secretive about our wedding plans with everyone except my mum & OH! None of my BM's will see my dress until im in it on the day.

So I think if someone on my wedding was gettin married 4 months before me I would feel the same as you. I want everything to be a surprise & to be perfectly honest im not interested in other peoples opinions - if we like something, were having it, end of.

I think though it would be nice to talk to someone about timings, seating plans, fittings etc, things that wont actually give away details if that makes sense? Those things to me would be 'safe' topics.

Like i say wasnt sure if it was just me having a moment. we were talking at weekend about table centrepieces and i felt a bit cagey about what i should say in case i gave away myt idea to her, especially with hers being before mine and us having similar wedding guests

Sorry but have to say bridezilla..

I’d be chuffed there was someone to share all this with but then I’m not a competitive person at all so it’ll make no difference to me x

My friend has been engaged for 3 years and is getting married next month and i'm her MOH. in the 3 years she has been engaged i have been engaged and married and she was my MOH.

Although we were both planning our wedding we both wanted completley different things and they were at different times of the year. We also have different friend groups as well so if we happen to have the same things at our weddings it doesn't really matter as no one else knows.

Plus the fact you might be able to go halves on certain things like bridesmaids shoes or bags etc.

I wouldn't be bothered either but then our wedding is very 'us' so I can't see any of our close friends wanting to replicate our ideas anyway!

That would absolutely be a concern if it was me. But its something out of your control so I would try not to think / dwell about it. And say / give away as little as possible about your own ideas / plans.

IE my CBM has told her mother the colour which I am totally pissed at. But i cant do anything about it so lettin it 'swoosh' over my head.

Maybe be a touch bridzilla for the laid back brides out there but so what - were all different! Thats what makes hitched so interesting.x

Both my BMs are getting married this year, both after me and i am BM for one of them too and it is great to have people to drag to wedding fayres without feeling guilty bout being slightly wedding obsessed plus we all have very different types of wedding planned so its all good

From someone who has been through this DO NOT let it bother you,

All that matters is that you & your OH get married so don't sweat the small things

My ex best friend and CBM moved her wedding to, 2 months before mine

i at first wasn't over the moon about it but one thing led to another we fell out

and we've been friends for over 11 years so if your friend is close to you

do not fuss over it, it's really not going to effect your wedding

You will still have an amazing day regardless

One of my friends recently got engaged and there's just under 12 months between our weddings but it can get a little bit awkward sometimes. An example was that we have kept entrance music a secret and she told me she wanted the song we'd picked. Now for me there is no problem if she has the same music but I had to tell her I had picked it because I didn't want her to think I'd nicked her ideas etc. It's no biggie though and I have found it really nice chatting about wedding stuff and going to fayres together etc.

It must be a bit strange for you as you have been involving her in the excitement and planning for your wedding then suddenly it's been switched 360 and you are now in what was her position and now being excited and planning for her special day now too!

At least you can see it from the other side now and both of you can enjoy planning together. Just keep some things to yourself and if she asks be frugal with the truth in fact throw in some wacky decoys such as illuminous balloon centrepieces that glow in the dark ?

Illuminous balloons- now thats an idea ha!

Apologies to anyone who is having illuminous balloons ?

I don't think it would bother me. And if it did, i'm going to be honest and say it's only because I would be jealous. ?

I wish my bridesmaids would get married - i'd be thrilled for them once the green eye'd monster wore off. One of my BMs (My cousin) was due to get married 31 July this year (ours is 12 August) but she had to postpone due to getting pregnant - I wish she had still had her dream too.

I think on the one hand you should see the positives in this.. you have someone who is interested in wedding-talk to talk wedding with! I have a BM who lives 200 miles away and another one who isn't really that interested so the only people I can talk wedding to is you guys.. people I've never met! My H2B works away loads so I can't discuss much with him.

But.. on the other hand.. I understand how you feel. You don't want her to steal any of your ideas and your wedding may seem like a copy of hers.. there's also the subconscious competition factor... but you have to remember, you and her are bound to have different tastes.. and trust me, your wedding to you will be better than hers no matter what because of what it means to you.

Hi jaijai85

I am in a similar situation, my friend was due to marry in December 2012 and my wedding is in June 2012, now they have brought the wedding forward to April - only 6 weeks before mine! At first I felt the same as you, however now I am glad to have someone to discuss the plans with as other friends are a bit bored of the wedding talk lol!

Our weddings are also very different in style so ideas wise I dont think there is any need for worry. The only problem so far has been hen nights as they were going to be quite close, but now I have decided to have mine early so that way our friends get chance to save up money inbetween and I get to start celebrating earlier!!

H

xx

?Honestly, I wouldn't be bothered about sharing ideas - I change my mind loads anyway!

Also, who would even realise that some of the little details are the same - as long as you don't pick the same dress then I think you'll be fine - most people (unless they're planning their own wedding) do not pay attention to any of the little bits that we put so much effort into. I was BM last year for OH's sister and even though we put so much time into the table decorations and favours etc, I can't remember what they looked like now so I doubt any of the other guests would.

Unless you're having a really really different style of wedding and incorporating lots of non-traditional elements then you're bound to have some of the same things as other people - what if your guests had attended a wedding the week before that had your same flowers - you wouldn't even know about that.

One of the best things I've learnt from coming on here is that everyone has very specific ideas about their wedding - no 2 are exactly alike. Enjoy having a wedding buddy, I'd love to have one!!!!

I understand why some people are saying its a tiny bit bridezilla, but Ido sympathise with you because i was in a (vaguely) similar situation. When I got engaged no one took much notice of it and most of our family's reactions were a bit 'blah' (I didn't even tell a lot of my friends I was engaged because I felt so depressed afrom my family's reaction). A couple of months later my sister got engaged and everyone got really, really excited and I felt even worse. Then my sister and her OH chose a wedding date that was a month before mine. As it happened the wedding venue they wanted wasn't free on the date they wanted so they are now getting married after I am, but for those few months before they finalised their date I was secretly really p*ssed off with her. Rationally, I knew it wasn't her fault and it wasn't right of me to blame her but I felt like she was stealing my thunder. Also, I know from my own experiences that when there are 2 weddings close together which have a lot of the same guests then people tend to compare them.

Anyway, even though I felt a bit rubbish at first, I am now really enjoying having someone to chat to about wedding stuff (other than Hitched people obviously) and we have become a lot closer. And I honestly don't care any more if guests do compare our weddings because for OH and I the day is going to be completely ours and no one else's opinion matters. I think you probably just need some time to get used to the idea.

I'm going to have to put my money where my mouth is, now, because one of my bridesmaids just got engaged and plans to get married before me! It's fine, I just might not tell her all the details of what we're doing for everything.

i think this is what i will be like! i am really pleased for her and really happy that they are getting married, but just dont want to give too much away ha!

I did this to someone. My (soon to be SIL) was engaged a few months before us and I am her BM.

When we got engaged I called and asked if she minded us getting married in the same year (but 3 months later). I had waited 9 years for a proposal and didn't want to wait ages to get married.

She was fine. IN fact she said that she was glad that the first wedding she will be going to as a married woman will be ours. She will be my BM too.

We talk loads about ideas as our weddings will be quite different. That said, we are usuing some of the same ideas- e.g. bunting. I love bunting I wasn't stealing her idea though- I would have wanted it anyway!

I say talk to her about it! You will prob have diff ideas and taste anyway!

Unless you are having compeltely unusual centrepieces and the likes, chances are you will have similar. How many people on here are having fish bowls for example? There are many things similar in everyones wedding and TBH - no one really rememebers what the table decoratons were like!

Colour schemes will probably be different so even if some things are similar - in different colours they're not going to look similar.

Don't wory about it.

I'm sharing lots of details with my girl friends via email since only few live around here. I've been having so many great moments when they replied how they love the ring or dress or color scheme or the bags... For me that's the greatest part in getting married. They also compensate for my fiance's rather pragmatic attitude towards all the details

The best response was from my bridesmaid: "I love the rings, I love the dress, but above all I love your smile on the pictures". Can't get much better than that...

Just think about how great it can be to share - and I'm sure your bridesmaid has her own style and ideas. She probably just wants to share and not steal your ideas. Besides, you can keep some things that are very important to you for yourself but still be helpful to pick something for her that suits HER.

I think I would be wary in case she had the same tastes but i would still love the fact that one of my close friends was also getting married and that you can share the experience together!

My friend (i use term loosly as havent seen her since she got married) knew the song i wanted for my first dance as it meant something to me and oh and she went and picked it for her wedding anyways just because she couldnt think of a song! Didnt even tell me til day of wedding and that she picked it cos they didnt have another song?!!

Long as your friend wouldnt copy anything im sure it will be fine!

xx