Bridesmaid is pregnant!

Awww congratulations to your bridesmaid!

You're not being selfish, the first thing you said was that it was fantastic news and then went on to say you were ectstatic for her - this was about as far as possible from being a post about you.

If there's a chance she now won't make it to your wedding it's only human for you to be disappointed, the fact you chose her as a BM implies she's a close friend and natural you'd want her there on your big day. You seem to be being realistic and understanding though

Aaah lovely news. could she maybe be a witness instead so she is still involved in your day?

Thanks both of you, bit worried I was being selfish, but after telling my CBM and my mum, they're getting annoyed for me I think which I didn't want! The more I think about it the more upset I'm getting, just haven't got the heart to ask her to step down

I should discuss it with your BM. You'll find that once she gets a a little way into her pregnancy she starts to suffer all the usual pregnancy ailments & be delighted to step down! Very few ladies feel good all the way through their pregnancy & many like me feel rotten the whole way through lol! You might find that she feels she doesn't want to let you down but if you gently broach the subject with her she is glad to take a bit more of a back seat with your wedding but obviously still attend if she is able to. HTH

Hey All,

Need some more advice since my last post! Just found out my bridesmaid's due date is a WEEK before our wedding date. I have gingerly asked if she still wanted to be bridesmaid about 2 weeks ago (before I knew the due date, thinking it was June as she assured me it would be!!) and she completely had the hump with me for even suggesting it, making out I didn't want her there because she would look fat in the photos (I never thought this at ALL,!!!) after calming her down, she said she still wanted to be bridesmaid. Now since then, she has told me her due date and I'm thinking of asking her to step down....is this selfish of me?? I know she'll be busy with her new baby so just thinking of her. She's probably going to be angry like last time - but bearing in mind I didn't receive even a Christmas card from her (!!!) and she said if she has a girl she going to take the name I was going to have if I had a little girl (Grrr!!!!!) I'm starting to wonder if It was the right thing to do asking her in the first place....

Any advice on how to handle this?? x

It's gonna be difficult getting a dress to fit her, you wont know til the day if she has had the baby or not.. How does she think you can prepare for the hugely different sizes she could be?!.. I find it odd she still wants to be Bridesmaid tbh, I'd move to a Witness or 'Reader' so she's still important although sounds like she has the hump with you so you may not need to demote her if she carries on lol

Hi BrideBrat, we already have bought the dress and are having it made to her measurements - this was a month before she fell pregnant so it's already bought and paid for and cant be returned. I've already asked my godparents to be witnesses so can't unask them, I guess I'm just afraid of her reaction really - she's been really weird with me lately and I can't understand why x

Do you think it would be possible for you to come up with some sort of 'Plan B'? You could say that you would still love for her to be a bridesmaid and if everything goes okay with her having the baby before the wedding she can still do so, but because become a mother can also be an overwhelming experience you like to have something in place that could make it easier for her to step down nearer the time if needs be? (Im trying to think about it being a positive for her and not causing too much friction in your friendship). That is ofcourse as long as you are happy for her to still be a bridesmiad?

This is a really tough situation ur in, I don't envy you. Hopefully once your friend has calmed down and as her pregnancy progresses she'll realise it's impossible to be your BM. If she's due a week before ur wedding date, chances are she could be overdue or if she goes into labour on time it can still last days. When I had my baby, she wasn't very well and I had to stay in hospital for week. There's too many unpredictable factors. I would let the dust settle over the new year period, then gently bring it up again. I wouldn't go down the route of suggesting you need to know for u to plan your wedding, but more about the impact on her and her baby's health , helping with a wedding even when it's not ur own is stressful. One of my bridesmaids isn't pregnant but she is trying for a baby , she and her husband are due to get ivf next year but they're not sure exactly when as they haven't received an app yet from nhs. So I need to wait till October before I know if she'll definitely be able to be my BM , so dresses need to wait until then.

Just buy a floaty dress! I would be pissed off if I got preg and meant that I couldn't be a bridesmaid. I would chat to your bridesmaid telling her that she doesn't have to do anything. She'll either be massive, or with little baby so either way she won't be up for a long day. Tell her she can leave when she wants.

Flip this on its head....she got the hump when you questioned her being bridesmaid.....that suggests that she really wants to be there for you and part of your big day. Just think, she could be focusing everything on her pending birth, but instead she still sees it as important to be there with you.....I'd be chuffed rather than worried. I've done loads of weddings whereby one of the bridesmaids have been close to dropping.....its never been a problem. You've got to remember that these sneeky little babies are a law unto themselves....not appearing when you want them to or appearing when you don't....its a fact of life and has to be embraced.

I hope that upside down view of things may help.

Hi i know your mood ,you just express yourself i know this

Hi , i am pregnant too due 24th april and i was supposed to be a bridesmaid on 5th june . At first i was fine with that but as time went on and my belly has got bigger and the reality of having a baby has set in i realised being the bridesmaid would be juat too much. what if i am overdue , what if it is not sleeping and i dont feel great, what if i am breastfeeding. and realistically unless you are a supermodel i dont think anyone would look great a week after giving birth. so I think your friend is being overly sensitive,although completely normal being pregnant! - she is not really thinking of the bigger picture. My sil was great when i explained that although i was letting her down i felt i would rather do it now than before she had paid for dress alterations and shoes etc and i couldnt do it come june. To be honest it has been a great weight of my shoulders some ppl said i was worrying about something that might be fine at the time but getting it sorted now has settled me. My sil is going to try get my dress made into a flowergirl dress for her daughter and i am going to buy myself a dress of the same colour scheme so that i can still be in pictures but wont have the added pressure and i will be able to check on my baby (my sis will baby sit and she 2mins along the road from the venue). ok long story i know but it was just to show you that in my opinion you are doing what is best for her, she can still be part of the day but with the pressure off. And i am sure she will come to realise that herself soon enough. so dont stress xx

When is your big day i cant see it mentioned? is it summer? due baby, hot summer months, bridesmaid dress... not a mix i would like.........not to mention if she has a c-section. If she goes ahead with this i would say you have a very brave and loyal friend!

Maybe a wedding and christening at the same time?

Hi! Your not being selfish and I know exactly how you feel I get married in just under four weeks and my sister will be 9 months pregnant! I'm not sure if I'm more excited about being an auntie for the first time or getting married! But like you I'm also a little gutted as she lives in Portsmouth and we're getting married in Yorkshire and she's only deciding two days before if she's coming so she may not be there - but my nephew will be after the wedding which will definately stop the post wedding blues!!!!

xxxx

I bet she is peed off that you suggested she step down. Pregnant women are not the most rational of people and anything can set them off (I burst into tears because I couldn't iron a shirt properly in my last pregnancy and then turned it on my OH saying he didnt love me. W.T.F!). She is either going to be horribly overdue and terribly uncomfortable or a week past giving birth and believe me, leaving the house with a week old is bad enough, never mind going to a wedding! My friend had her two week old at my first wedding and spent most of it trapped in a room breast feeding cos she still hadnt got the hang of it. She went home about 9pm, the stress was too much.

Try and explain that you are only doing it because you are thinking about her. Or fib and say yes you will still be a BM and hope she sees sense soon!

Hi everyone, thanks to all for your replies.

Just thought I would give an update of the situation, yesterday my BM had her 2nd scan, and I was speaking to her last night online, and asked whether she was given a definate due date. After what seemed like hours for her to reply (now know it was because she was reluctant to break news!) she said "please don't kill me, it's 6 days before your wedding" to which I said why would I kill you, congrats I'm happy for you both. She didn't reply so I thought I might as well ask, so I asked her if she wanted to stand down and she replied "I didn't want to let you down, but I don't think I'll be able to" bless her! So all this time she's been worried about my reaction and I've been waiting for the answer! In the end we both agreed she is to step down and we are both OK with it - she's less stressed and I'm less stressed knowing I wouldn't have to change the plans at the last minute (as selfish as that sounds) can't really say I'm sad, more relieved than anything - as long as she's happy and I'm happy that's all that matters, right? Next stage was worrying about her dress that's already been bought by my mum... and my mum is giving it to me as an Easter present as wouldn't accept any money for it bless her! So unfortunately I have one less bridesmaid, but less stress and a dress in the process! It's all take the rough with the smooth it seems!

Anyway, thanks to all of you for your kind words, I feel so much better now the situation has been resolved.

xxx

I think this has worked out best for all concerned! Phew!