Bridesmaid issue......am I being unreasonable?

Awww thats a shame that your friend/bridesmaid doesnt seem that onboard. Its especially not nice that she forgot the date of the dress fitting.

The txt and money issue I can kind of relate too a little. She may be going through a stressful time at the moment with finances just after xmas so isnt in the best of moods and planning ahead financially might be difficult for her. It would have been best if she waited until you told her the cost though before she sent a txt like at as as u say she doesnt know the cost yet. Maybe its her way of hinting for u not to arrange anything too expensive. Maybe you could consider arranging the hen do with her so as to consider the cost implications for her and the other bridesmaids as if they have other things coming up and children and obviously Christmas coming then money might be tight x

Hi bubbles!

Sorry you are feeling a bit disappointed...not how you should feel at such an exciting time.

dont worry you're not being unreasonable..I would be upset too. However on the first incident...perhaps she just totally forgot if you hadn't discussed it that close to the event? I'm quite an organised person and would never forget something like that but realise that some people are just genuinely disorganised and forgetful about dates if not reminded. Maybe if she has a lot going on and she hadn't spoken to you that week she just genuinely forgot?

the second thing I do think is out of order as with being your bridesmaid she should be coming from a place of excitement and helping you to feel excited bout this, not initially coming back with a negative response, particularly when you hadn't even suggested anything at that point. Hopefully she just said it without thinking how it came out.

maybe just see how things go before confronting her as you don't want to make things awkward. The one thing I've learned from this wedding process is that you can't expect your wedding to be at the top of everyone's priorities and although it's the most important thing going on for you they may have other stuff going on too. For me, I still don't think it's an excuse not to be a good friend and be excited when you are talking about hen dos but fingers crossed its a one off and she will be more excited when it's closer to the time!

good luck! Xxx

Thanks both. I am organising a weekend and trying to include as much in the cost as poss. I am giving them all 9 months notice and I totally get not everyone can afford it but it was the instant negative that upset me.

i am a but super organised and would never forget the dress fitting, I get not everybody else is like that but my other 3 bridesmaids made such an effort,

one arranged two different babysitters and organised afternoon tea for us all

the other drove 70 miles and arranged babysitter

the other flew from Dublin.

all she had to do was remember!

i don't want to be all bridezilla I just thought she would be more excited and into it. My wedding isn't the be all and end all but I think I should be able to expect my bridesmaid to be up for it.

Not sure whether to ask her if she is ok and perhaps something is going on I her life she hasn't said? Xxx

The first incident seems a bit silly, I'd be annoyed by that too.

Second incident I can understand, if she can't afford it then there's not much she can do. Would you rather she strung you along and let you book everything and then tell you?

If she's not normally like this then yes maybe something is going on in her life, try speaking to her

I think you're being slightly unreasonable on both counts. Why haven't you consulted BMs about free dates for dress fittings and hen nights, so that you can all decide the best times together.

Also, it's a hen 'weekend'. It's not going to cost £20, is it?

It's a tough one. I can kind of relate to the second problem. I know you have given them 9 months but that still might not free up enough extra money. Maybe she is trying to save for something else? Not that I condone her not being onboard or excited about your hen do. Sometimes when money is involved it gets difficult.

On the first point, I would have been mortified if I missed an appointment like that. Nothing I like more than shopping with my friends and then throwing bridesmaids shopping in as well - I would have made sure I remembered that. But that's just me.

I agree with others that forgetting the dress fitting is rubbish. Re. The hen do I get where she is coming from. I've just been invited to one that says they just want an idea of who is free atm. I'm concerned if I say I'm free, something will then be booked that I don't want to pay for. I will be going to 4 hen dos and 4 weddings this year, plus my own and trying to buy a flat, so am a bit worried about giving an open commitment. I appreciate she is bridesmaid but still she may be concerned re money.

Forgetting the dress fitting appointment is a bit slack, but try and remember that people are different - I'm also pretty organised (althought I'm often late ?) but a few of my friends are quite flakey and always show up late or cancel last minute. It's not personal, just their personalities. As long as she's happy with the dress you chose in her absence, I would let it go.

Completely agree with everyone else about the hen/money issue. It's not easy for everyone to spend over £100 on one weekend, even with that much notice. A few of h2b's friends couldn't make his stag even though they had 9 months notice too - at the end of the day they've got children and partners, if you're skint and can't afford a holiday yourselves you'd also probably begrudge your partner spending £150 minimum on a weekend away!

Try not to be hard on her. If you're not planning your hen until October it sounds like your wedding is ages away anyway so she's hardly going to be excited about it now!

Sorry I do think you're being a bit unreasonable. People have busy lives and forget things, at least she apologised. Secondly she didn't say she couldn't come to your hen do she said that because of money she may not be able to, at least that's giving you some warning and when you give her the price she can decide if she can afford it. Can't see what's wrong with that?

I'm the kind of person who, even if you reminded me two days before, would possibly still forget I was supposed to be at a dress fitting - hence why I put everything important in my phone with a reminder alarm!!! I would therefore not be annoyed with her about that, probably just laugh it off tbh.

As to the hen weekend, I'd probably have replied in exactly the same way - because you didn't give a price!! I would assume that a weekend was likely to be expensive and as we are not well off, would suggest that I wouldn't necessarily be able to afford it. I actually think she's being quite fair - she hasn't said no, just told you she can't promise to be there. That's much better than her promising and then letting you down surely?

Maybe I haven't explained it in all detail but to be honest, when I have been bridesmaid I have accepted it as a privilege and would not forget a dress fitting. She apologised and I didn't have a go at her at all, it just upset me she forgot. I left that as I didn't want to make a big deal.

i am very reasonable when it comes to money, a lot of my mates have kids and I get that, which is why I am trying to get as much included. The issue is she just got back from a £5k holiday so I didn't think it would be a massive issue. I get nobody wants to commit without having a price, fine, but the response was 'no promises', not 'I will try my hardest to come but...'.