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Beginner June 2019

Bridesmaid let me down - did I do the right thing?

LuxuriousBlueStationery76190, 23 February, 2019 at 01:32 Posted on Planning 0 1

Hi everyone, I’d really like to get some opinions on a drama with one of my bridesmaids...

So I have 6 bridesmaids altogether (2 cousins who I was close growing up with and my half sister (who arnt involved in any planning it’s more so they feel included and I’m the eldest so it was expected by my family somehow), and 3 friends, one of whom is my MoH and lives abroad, one lives in Leicester and one close to me in Mcr).

The 3 friend bridesmaids I have known for about 4 years and chose them as we all get along well as a group, and I really wanted to have a hen mini-break with these 3 as thought it would be really enjoyable and a great way to bring the group closer together, especially as apart from me and the friend in Mcr we all don’t all see each other often as live in different places. I don’t go on girls nights out or hols really so I was really excited for this...

When I asked the friend in Leicester to be a bridesmaid she was really excited and supportive, and made suggestions for how she could help, though she never committed to doing anything. We were all planning on a WhatsApp group details about our trip, and suddenly out of the blue the bridesmaid in Leicester posts in the group she has decided not to come to this anymore and for us to have fun. I have to admit I was shocked and hurt to deadbeat that when she had fb spoken with me directly about her concerns first and it came so out of the blue. We were all shocked and told her so, and after a few days of the silent treatment from all of us she finally sent me a short message saying she was sorry if she came across abruptly and she still wanted to support if I would still have her. I was careful to respond with a calm voice message expaking that I was upset and very very surprised and asking what was wrong, and suggesting that if she had other issues going on (as maybe MoH suggested she may have but wouldn’t say what) then perhaps it was better if she attended the wedding as a guest with her husband and didn’t need the responsibilities of bridesmaid duties. I got no response to my message which was also hurtful. I know my MoH has remained close to her and speaking to her throughout these months when she’s been avoiding talking to me, and finally she sends a message via my MoH that she has cancelled her hotel room. I tell my MoH can she ask this girl why’ve she feels she can’t speak to me directly and why she has disregarded our friendship, but she is very evasive and not keen to get involved or help. She’s generally poor at answering messages anyway and takes a few days to respond to anything, but she just seems to be completely avoiding getting involved in this, even though she’s in a position where she could help...which compounds my sadness abut this situation and makeshift me feel really unsupported tbh.

Sorry for such a long message I just needed to get this off my chest! I’m quite sensitive about the fact I’ve lost a lot of friends over the years through moving away or people not communicating an issue or what’s going on and just letting the friendship wither, so I think I’m just sensitive about this happening again.

No one ever tells you how stressful planning a wedding is and how political...it really shows you how lovely some people can be and vice-versa.

any thoughts welcome, thanks for reading!

Mel xx

1 replies

Latest activity by LuxuriousRedStationery801, 25 February, 2019 at 21:35
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    Beginner
    ExpensiveRedFlowers57797 ·
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    A bridesmaids one and only responsibility is to be there for you on your wedding day, anything else is extra.

    Your friend thought she could go with you and your friends on this trip but something happend that made her change her mind and she does not feel comfortable to tell you. To me this sounds like it could and issue that she is embarrassed about (health, work or financial issues), something that is not her place to tell (health issues of a partner or family member), or something that she thinks you or your friends won't take serious and will try and convince her to change her mind (anything from mental health or anxiety to something important at work is happening that week, she want to quite drinking, who knows).

    If she is truly your friend then respect that she feels she cant make the trip and its a good enough reason for her. Tell her you she doesn't need to tell you what it is but if she needs someone to talk to you are there for her and that you look forward to seeing her next to you at your wedding.

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    Beginner January 2019
    LuxuriousRedStationery801 ·
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    We got married 5 weeks ago and I would never plan a wedding again!! Would do the whole day again in a heartbeat though. I’m afraid I can’t offer any real constructive advice but I would try and keep the other bridesmaid out of it as it can cause issues down the line. I don’t know whether you still wish to have this girl as your bridesmaid but I would give her the option again of not doing so if you feel she’s going to continue to let you down etc. The fact she’s cancelled her hotel room doesn’t look promising and I’d hate for you to spend the build up to your wedding continually stressing and worrying about someone who isn’t being upfront and honest with you

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