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H
Curious August 2021 Cheshire

Bridesmaid nightmare

Happyyellowcakes15704, 1 of July of 2021 at 11:13 Posted on Planning 0 7
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So I asked 2 friends and my sister to be bridesmaid in Feb 2021, booked and started playing April 2021 for wedding August 2021. I asked for a low key hen as I didn't want to spend that much and didn't have a MOH as thought they could all help.



I offered to pay hair and makeup, dress, hotel room night before accessories.
I live an hour away from them. So with the dresses they are all different sizes and all bigger than me so needed them to try some on. Firstly I looked online and asked for their opinion then I asked them to go shopping with me at a place 45 mins away so it would be closer to them. Offered them dates. Nothing! Let me down so after several date changes I went myself. I found 3 but again wasn't sure on size. They made excuses as to why they couldn't make it so went to buy them and they'd gone. Only £20 each!
So I then started looking online and ordered their size to my house. Again gave them dates but they made excuses as to why they couldn't attend so I reordered dresses to each ones house to try on. 1 small so refunded which was fine. Sister did drive up so that helped to try on one.One friend said it fit but only sent me a top half photo so I asked about zip She said she hadn't even bothered doing it so I drove round to zip it up. Far too tight so ordered another size. She still hasn't tried it on as she said she is isolating and got childcare issues and has a lot on. This friend also can't attend my hens due to childcare and stay night before even though she has a husband.
With the hen, only one friend was helping saying the other 2 weren't. It is a meal and drinks not rocket science and they've made it complicated. Due to covid changes they've changed and can't get refund for some people who can't attend. I've paid £120 to give back to people to save the hassel.
I'm so upset. I do a lot for these bridesmaids and feel like they've made hardly any effort. I get people are busy but I've been working throughout frontline nhs so also stressed.
I don't want any hens or to get married. Devastated and let down right now.

7 replies

Latest activity by Happyyellowcakes15704, 1 of July of 2021 at 15:00
  • Sarah
    Curious April 2022 Hampshire
    Sarah ·
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    Ugh that sounds like such a nightmare! I'm so sorry you have been let down by your bridesmaids- it really is not a nice feeling. It doesn't sound like your friends are not as enthusiastic as they really should be for your wedding.

    Really there are only two options with this. In my opinion you have enough reason to talk to them and discuss the importance of being a bridesmaid and the priorities that come with that, and you just can't afford to make so many allowances, especially when your wedding is so close. If they are your friends, they should understand. The flipside of doing that is that you probably would not want to have a raging argument with them and end up falling out- if you think there is a risk of that, the other option is to try and reach compromises with them. Maybe if they feel they have too much on, they should come to the wedding as a guest instead. Or, they should buck up their ideas and actually start acting like your friend.

    I'm also having issues with one of my bridesmaids- they are acting awfully uninterested in the wedding and we have had a slight argument over something petty and unrelated to the wedding. They are not acting like my friend either, so I somewhat understand how you feel. Weddings are so emotional and can cause a lot of drama (probably fuelled by jealousy and control freakiness), so you're certainly not alone!

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  • H
    Curious August 2021 Cheshire
    Happyyellowcakes15704 ·
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    Thanks Sarah. Really appreciate your response.


    The other thing is both my hens are cloaer to them than me too as I made things easier. I'm like what more do you actually want? It's really distracting me in work and haven't even asked about alterations.I'm sorry you're having similar issues too. It's like you only get this task once so make the most of it. I've been bridesmaid before and just gone with the flow.
    I really want to say about being a day guest instead as the one whose the worst at helping and refused to tey on her dress so late on refunds would probably prefer that but I'm embarrassed if I do everyone will know that we've had a fall out.
    Xx
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  • Sarah
    Curious April 2022 Hampshire
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    I think it would be worth thinking about asking the most difficult bridesmaid if she would prefer (rather than, I want you to...) to be a day guest instead. She obviously claims to have a lot on and it might be a case of her not wanting to upset you by bringing it up herself. I think the thing to remember with this is that your guests won't think you've had a falling out- otherwise I doubt she would even be a day guest!

    I've honestly noticed that the majority of the wedding planning drama is usually down to the bridesmaids Smiley ups you'd think that your closest friends would be the least of your worries!

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  • Emma
    Rockstar August 2021 Wiltshire
    Emma ·
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    I would definitely ask them if they want to be a guest instead of a bridesmaid, they obviously don’t have the time or want to do the jobs associated with being a bridesmaid. No one will know at the wedding, even if the other guests realise that they are no longer bridesmaids. Most people will just assume it’s because of childcare/money/etc.
    We’ve had this problem but with grooms men. 2 of them aren’t going on the stag, it took them a month to go get measured for the suit and then took them over a week to pick the suit up.
    We’ve now turned around and asked for the suits back and refunded them. And they are now guests and not part of the wedding party. They’ve both taken it really well and understand as they weren’t putting the effort in.
    Try not to let them stress you (easier said than done) and remember it’s your day and you and your partner are the most important parts of the wedding ❤️❤️
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  • Marcie
    Rockstar August 2021 Bristol
    Marcie ·
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    They sound a bit shit tbh, I would be so upset if any of my bridesmaid were being like that. With the most difficult one you will have to be firm and say would it be easier for her to step down , that you really want her to be a part of it blah blah blah but you don’t want to put pressure on her. Hopefully she will drop out, good luck , hope things get better x
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  • H
    Curious August 2021 Cheshire
    Happyyellowcakes15704 ·
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    Thanks Marcie. I will wait a few days and then ask her. X
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  • H
    Curious August 2021 Cheshire
    Happyyellowcakes15704 ·
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    Thanks Emma.
    Sorry to hear that about groomsmen but glad things have worked out. Hopefully she will be a guest too but no refunds as she took ages getting the dress from her neighbours house as she wasn't in to collect on the day.
    X
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