Bridesmaid not being co operative

If she's nixxing all your dress suggestions and saying 'i'd rather not be a bridesmaid than wear that dress', and if you don't want her to be a bridesmaid anyway, you have a perfect opportunity to sack her. However, rather than telling her you're doing it because of her attitude, you could phrase it as 'I'm sorry you don't want to wear the colour I've chosen. As this is the colour I want, perhaps it would be better if you were simply a guest rather than a bridesmaid and you can wear what you like rather than something I've made you wear and you'll enjoy the day more.'

This way she doesn't have to wear yellow, you come off as someone who's considering her feelings rather than being a bridezilla, you have a better chance of preserving the friendship, and you get to have the bridesmaids you want in the colour you want. Everybody wins!

I don’t actually think she wants to be a bridesmaid and is behaving this way as she doesn’t want to be the one to tell you she doesn’t want to do it but wants you to do it. I was a bridesmaid and hated every minute of it and I even told my friend I wasn’t comfortable with it and I tried so hard to get out of it and she told me I was just being silly and I rather stupidly went along with it all! I wish she’d just said to me that I didn’t have to do it if I didn’t want to! I honestly think she’s just waiting for you to do it as she doesn’t want to be the one to say it.

You are totally not being a bridezilla - you're asking them to wear yellow dresses for ONE DAY - it's not as if you're demanding they dye their hair to match! It's your wedding, not 'Sarah's'. If she doesn't like your colour scheme, she has two options - either decline to be bridesmaid or wear yellow and wear it nicely!

In view of her attitude, I'd say you were totally justified in telling her you no longer want her to be your bridesmaid, especially as it sounds as if you already have another potential bridesmaid waiting in the wings. You really need supportive friends around you on your wedding day, and 'Sarah' does not sound very supportive to me!

You could try giving her the choice of either wearing the dress of your choice or not being bridesmaid, but in view of her attitude so far and your fiance's view of her, I would simply tell her that your invitation to be bridesmaid is withdrawn. It's up to you as to whether or not you then invite her to the wedding at all.

It sounds as if you are beginning to see that your 'old friend' is maybe not such a good friend after all. That can be incredibly painful - I've just gone through something similar myself, after spending years of excusing increasingly appalling behaviour on the basis that we were 'such old friends'. And like you, it was my fiance who woke me up to the fact that 'friends' should actually be treating me like this! But once I'd been able to accept that my 'best friend' wasn't actually that good a friend, it's been very freeing. I've been able to focus on the other friends in my life who truly ARE friends, and I have so much more time for them now I'm not running round pandering to the whims of my selfish, demanding, self-proclaimed 'best friend'. I hope you are able to turn your experience into something equally positive.

If you are expecting Sarah to pay for the dress, then she is allowed an opinion.

If you are paying for the dress, then say "this is the dress, if you don't like it perhaps it would be best if you weren't bridesmaid" perhaps offer her a reading instead?