Bridesmaid not invited my fiancé (will be husband) to her abroad wedding

I know this is hard, because the fallout will impact your wedding as well, but I certainly wouldn't go to her wedding. I'm personally of the belief that you should invite partners to weddings because it's wrong to ask others to celebrate your relationship when you won't respect theirs. However, I think even most people who aren't as strict as me would agree that not inviting a partner (whose own wedding you were being a bridesmaid at) to a wedding ABROAD, when some other partners from shorter relationships have been invited is really quite shocking.

I think you need to talk to her about this and tell her how you are feeling. Maybe point out to her that some other partners are invited, and that she has a major role in your fiancé's wedding. If she doesn't change her mind, I would decline her invite and and tell her she is no longer a bridesmaid. Of course, this is easy for me to say but a lot harder for you to decide to do!

I’m so sorry you’re in this situation, it’s really horrible for you.

I can absolutely understand that they have to limit numbers for a wedding abroad - you never know, she might have been stressing about this decision as well. If she is inviting some partners but not others, my assumption would be that they know those partners better, as you say they all live in a similar area, otherwise I have no idea why she would make that decision.

I think I’d suggest having an honest conversation, explain that especially seeing as she’s a huge part of your day you’re surprised that she doesn’t recognise that you and your fiancé come as a package, especially seeing as you’d be travelling on your own. If she’s really unable to accommodate him, I’d say that you understand but unfortunately you won’t be able to justify spending money on a holiday without him.

Personally, I would try to separate the outcome from your own wedding. Let her know that even though you’re unable to go to her wedding, you and your fiancé are still very much looking forward to welcoming her and her new husband to yours. I honestly think that even though you’re hurt, this is the only way to avoid causing a big ruckus and drama. Effectively, take the high ground.

I would just decline her wedding invitation with thanks. People who have destination weddings should expect to have a large number of people decline, especially if they are not inviting long-term partners, so she shouldn't be surprised.

It's a shame that she hasn't invited your partner, especially when she's been such a major part of your own wedding, but I'm sure you will know the headache that comes with trying to fit a guest list to a limited budget/venue.

I'm fully of the opinion that other halves should be invited. However (and this is a different situation but it might help) we recently found out that one of FH's friends has a girlfriend that we never knew existed!!! So obviously we didn't invite her and we've sent out enough invites to fill our spots. Our venue is in Cornwall, so basically a destination and a lot of our guests are making a bit of a holiday of it. Friend has been super understanding, said he'll bring his girlfriend along for a holiday, but then he'll still come along to our wedding solo and she'll have a day to herself. We've said we might find ourself with someone declining last minute due to illness or something, in which case we know she'll be in the area and we'd of course invite her to join if a spot frees up.

I know your situation is significantly more frustrating, as this is your bridesmaid and they obviously knew about your FH!! However, it might be an option for you to go, bring FH along for a holiday so you make the most of the destination wedding, and you never know he might wind up with a place if your friend knows he'll be around anyway.

Completely valid if you do choose to decline anyway - I'm not disagreeing with any of the other advise you've got here - but I thought this might give you another approach to think about.

My view is similar to others here that I feel partners should be invited, especially long term ones. I would always invite someone's husband/wife/long term partner. In fact for my wedding, my FH has invited a friend from work and although neither of us have met her husband, we have invited him too. I personally would not feel comfortable going to a wedding without my FH and therefore I treat others how I would want to be treated in the same situation. I made sure that I had space and budget for all our guests to bring their partners. We know virtually all of them but there are a couple we don't know, but out of respect for our friends we never doubted inviting their partners.

The fact she is your bridesmaid makes this all so much worse in my eyes. She also knows him, so its not like he is a stranger. I would decline the invitation and seriously question whether you want her as a bridesmaid. I know this is something I would struggle to get past. For me its the lack of respect she has for your partner and relationship. That's not the behaviour of a close friend.