Bridesmaid problems

I think if it's your wedding then regardless of who is paying you should get to pick the colour. If two people don't want to wear any shade of blue and can't discuss or meet up then you have to ask yourself if they want to be bridesmaid for you or whether you want them. I realise your wedding isn't going to be the be all and end all of their life but saying "everyone has to come to me" or "I want a different colour" is a bit much in my opinion. Time for a heart to heart maybe.

I agree with Jayne. If they are being difficult, unhelpful and won't wear a dress in the colour you would like then you do need to re-evaluate if they should be in the wedding party. My girls (i'm having 4 bridesmaids) like yours will have to pay for their dresses as i'm a stay at home mum so we only have my partners wage coming in and with the cost of weddings we really can't afford to buy the outfits for our bridal party even though we would like to. I have said to my partner though if any of the girls start becoming difficult or won't wear a colour that complements our colour scheme regardless of who is paying for the dress they will get the chop from the wedding party and he totally agrees. Wedding planning is stressful enough without our nearest girls adding to the stress. You seem to of given them enough leeway in terms of colours and styles etc for there to be no complaints really x

Agreeing with the above.

If their hearts were really in it they would wear whatever you want them to wear.

I feel your pain, I am having similar problems with a couple of my bridesmaids. But I totally agree with Jayne and they shouldn't be dictating when, when, what to you, it sounds like you have been more than accommodating to them.

I started by wondering why you where even asking them but then saw you expect them to pay, if you want to dictate to them then YOU have to pay... you can not tell someone else how to spend THEIR money

your two choices are let them pick and pay for their dress

or

buy it for them and have what you want

you dont get both

If they are all over the country do you need to meet up? Can't you FaceTime them while they are in a bridal shop trying stuff on? They will probably be more relaxed about it once they have tried a few things on and know what suits them.

Ultimately I agree with Sorbet though - if they are paying then they choose. I think you can tell them you would like it in blue but after that you're just going to have to be happy with what they choose or pay so you can control it.

What colours are they saying they would prefer to wear? My BMs are all in different pastel colours, is that an option (Not pastels necessarily but do the colours they want co-ordinate at least?).

I tend to agree with a few of the more recent posts where if you're asking them to pay for their own dresses, it's going to be more difficult, especially if they have dramatically different styles & everyone will be wanting to find something they can wear again perhaps if they're paying for it...

I don't see the problem they have if you ask them to buy a dress in blue but not not navy. It wouldn't bother me at all if I was a bridesmaid paying for my own dress and I just got told what colour I had to buy my dress in. It's YOUR wedding, yes they're paying for their own dress but they don't have to spend a lot on it :/

I'm paying for my bridesmaid dresses (I've only got 2) but the dress I chose cost me £75 each, the multiway dress. I want them wearing the same colour but they can have the top however they want.. I didn't even ask their opinions on it. I chose it, showed them it and they'll wear it.

I agree with Sorbet in that I don't think that you can tell them how to spend their money. If I was asked to be bridesmaid but then told that I had to pay for my own dress and it had to be a particular colour, I wouldn't be massively pleased. I am of the opinion that if you ask someone to be in the bridal party, you should pay for their outfit but I know that not everyone is in the position to do this.

Can't you buy their dresses from the high street or online? ASOS do lovely dresses at a reasonable price. That way, you can dictate what they have to wear.

I have to agree with the previous posts regarding who is paying for the dress. I really think if a bride can't pay for the dress themselves, they have to be aware that this may cause some degree of resentment, as it is the norm for brides to cover these types of costs. I guess the only solution would be to make the cost of the dress cheaper by offering to pay for at least half. But rather than just offering take definitive action and actually transfer the money to the bridesmaids, as they may think your original offer was half-hearted. I really don't get when bridesmaids are asked to pay, as at the end of the day they are doing you a favour and may incur other additional costs for attending your wedding. Most of the time the dress is never worn again by the bridesmaids to so really its a waste of money.

When I first started reading this I was along the lines of its your choice in colour and your being really fair picking the dress so I was annoyed they were complaining of colour but after reading they are paying I think you have created a rod for your own back I'm afraid. if you were paying I doubt they would complain as they would most likely only wear it once but if they are paying it will be something they want to wear more than once so I get where they are coming from, yes it's your wedding and your colour scheme but if they were buying a dress as a guest they would have fee rein and may even begrudged now having to be limited in colour choice when they are still paying. I understand you have offered to pay if it was an issue but I would seriously consider footing the bill regardless so you have more say

Also you may find they are putting off meeting as they would rather not be spending money on a dress at this moment in time. Uni students are currently footing a rather high bill for rent for the next term so they may be financially tight as their loans won't kick in until sept either

I think your being unreasonable, i just cant get my head round why brides think its okay to ask bridesmaids to pay for things the bride wants, if you cant afford them then dont ask them?! Youve said yourself there students and when i was a student i could just about afford to eat and pay my rent never mind spend a fortune on a dress id only wear once.

Maybe have a rethink about whove you asked and if you can be a bit more flexible with your budget, the dresses dont have to be expensive, ive got 8 bridesmaids and there dresses are all from asos £18 in the sale.

Good Luck

If they're paying I think they should def choose the dress! Especially as they're students as you say - they probably don't have loads of spare cash to spend on dresses they don't absolutely love!

I think you have to decide whether you want to choose the dress and therefore pay; or if you want them to pay and then you get to choose the dress!

I personally would be unhappy if I was expected to fork out for a BM dress unless it was a dress that I absolutely loved.

Also I'm paying for my BMs and chose the colour but they all chose their necklines as I wanted them to be happy with the dress even though I'm paying.

Hey Queenie, this is a difficult one as you don't want them all just to look like standard guests. My friend got married in the States and had about 10 bridesmaids. She gave them all £30 each and said they could get whatever they wanted as long as it was gold. Most exceeded this amount obvs, but some found some bargains on Ebay. Would this be an option?