bridesmaid pulled out, advice please

Aww big hugs! It's not nice not knowing what an earths the root cause of a situation.

If it was me I would just leave her, I'm sure in a few weeks she will come grovelling back. You never really know if she has other things going on in her life that are making her act out but unless she's willing to talk about any situations she may have with you there's not much you can do.

I understand she's costing you a lot of money but I wouldn't ask for it back as if you were happy to pay for it in the first place you will just give her more course for argument if you do ask for it.

I think it's one of them things, as sad as it is, that right now you just need to accept her desision and not let her ruin your day.

If she is a good friend of yours, are you not worried about how she's been behaving? If this is not normal for her, I would be concerned that she might be unwell, or going through some sort of personal stress, or that perhaps I had been a bit of a bridezilla and pushed her too far. She may just have turned into a ***, but most people don't do that without some background to it - if you value her friendship I'd try to find out more to see if you can help.

If you ask her for money for the things you've bought, I think a)it will ruin your friendship forever and b)you probably won't get it back anyway. Keep hold of it for now in case she improves/changes her mind, and if not, sell it on ebay. Offer the hotel room to someone else if it really looks like she won't be coming.

How strange - and stressful for you too. Could she be jealous of you?

Whilst I can see your side of things and there is a logic to your reasoning regarding the costs I think you should not ask. Could you return any of it for a refund? Or sell it on as new & unworn?

If I was you I'd be thinking exactly what you're thinking! But stepping outside the matter means I can look at it more calmly. I just think there's no point in you asking for money because although your request is a fair one, she's never going to pay and it will cause even more bad feelings. The other possibility is worse... she may change her mind and agree to be your BM then you'd have to put up with all this on the wedding day.

Same as every one else really. If she's a good friend and you don't want to lose that friendship, tell her you love her and if she needs to chat about anything your there. We can all get wrapped up in our own bubble and miss key things about others. Really wouldn't be asking her for any money back.

I agree with everyone else, & asking for money is rubbing salt in the wound. She's being emotional for one reason or another, offer an olive branch to explain how she's feeling, if she rejects it leave her be. She'll either change her mind & want to explain or will just leave it as it is. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this on top of normal wedding stress, I do hope you get it sorted.

Really sorry to read about your situation. I can't really add to the very good advice you've already had, but I just wanted to say I've experienced this type of behaviour from former friends in the past and it really hurts. Try and get to the bottom of it if you can. Good luck.

This.

Thank you all for your advice, very much appreciated. Unfortunately, this isn't the first time she's behaved like this, and I used to be the one to calm her down or tell her to stop it when warranted. I did send her a message asking how we could resolve this but just received quite a few nasty messages in response so it looks as though she's decided that I'm to blame for the argument (she has done this before with other people when she had behaved badly, I guess it's a coping mechanism). I do feel rather foolish asking her now to be involved with the wedding if she's going to be like this so perhaps she's done me a favour-I do wonder now how likely it would have been that she would throw another wobbly before or on the day anyway. Feels like the money to pay isn't so bad now. I guess sometimes there's not much that can be done and it's best to let people go. Thanks again all.

IS there anyone else who could act as a bridesmaid for you?

No, but my 3 remaining ones are lovely and supportive so I am lucky really. I'll just cut my losses and get on Ebay