Bridesmaid trouble!

All sounds a bit crazy to me...

You aren't alone, bridesmaids can be interesting. I had a mini falling out because i wanted to keep the dress budget tight, she turns around and says:

if the groom gets to spend x on suits why cant we go nuts?

Because i love the groom and he's also paying for the wedding, if you want a more expensive dress you need to chip in.

I'm not paying for a dress I'll wear once and throw out

But you expect me to buy 4?

Things got teary, i asked her if she still wanted to be in the wedding and we worked it all out.

To be honest, let your friend suit herself, just say: sorry i can't afford to pass up this mua, its a shame you don't want to come but i understand

If she continues to kick off you may want to re-evaluate your friendship / her role in the wedding

Oh no! There seems to be so much drama with bridesmaids and i think it is a big friendship test for any friendship! I think it is a massive shame she won't come and whilst I can see her point it may be uncomfortable, she needs to be grown up about it and set that aside for the sake of your friendship and your big day. I'm sure the make up artist wouldn't care, so why should she? Do you have another bridesmaid that could step in and have a word with her?

I'm such a peace-keeper so I would probably give in and go with a different make up artist, but really, you shouldn't have to. Its her decision and if she wants to be like that, I would say be civil with her for the wedding and then both go your own ways after.

I'm not convinced she isn't acting a bit crazy - who cares if she used to date him? She's dating him now so why is she bothered?

But weddings make people crazy. I agree with the above - tell her that it's a shame she's deciding to miss out and leave it at that.

What is it with bridesmaids? On my first trip down the alse, I had my sister as one of my bridesmaids and boy it was hell. She hated the dress I choose and wanted a different one instead. I agreed on it purely because it did look better on than the first one. Day of the wedding she was as useful as a chocolate tea cup! I had two BM's one being my sister and the other a member of his family who was 5. She sat there with a right face on her in the hairdressers because she liked to have her hair all up and it wasn't, she bitched and moaned like it was going out of fashion, but that was tough on her. When it came to the make up artist she didn't like the look of her and refused point blank to have hers done. I ended up saying "do whatever you want, I'm past giving a ***." And I was.

All that matters on the day is you and yours getting married. That's all that matters. Make up, hair, dresses, they mean so little in the grand scheme of things. Lay it down to her and say something like, either have it done or don't, but don't moan about it to me. You can be part of it or not at all." I know it's harsh, but weddings bring out the worse in people and one thing seems to lead to another. If she's your friend, if she cares for you and how you feel, she will put her differences aside and have her make up done with you, just like you want. It's your day, no one else's. If she can't put on her big girl pants and do everything you want to make you happy on your special day, then she's not a friend. Xx

Thanks guys!! Think I just needed a rant tbh.

I've had my rant and now I'm just under the mindset that she's the one that is going to be missing out

thanks xx

I would just tell her that you are getting your make up done by this lady and if she doesn't want to then she can make her own arrangements to get her make up done.

I know my view might be unpopular, but I have an alternative thought. While she hasn't been the best friend that she could have been in regards to keeping you in the loop, has she truly done anything really awful? I mean could there be more to it for her? If she's in an on/off relationship but you're happy and settled, getting married etc is she not telling you because she feels inferior? Or has she always been like this? Then there's the ex thing, if they're in an on /off relationship how ex is she? I mean I know that if she was an ex from a recent off period, in her shoes I might struggle. From a different perspective she might be worried that she'd be nasty to the MUA and didn't want to spoil your morning but put herself across badly and argued with you as she didn't feel comfortable sharing the truth. Maybe it's worth having a heart to heart where you explain that you feel like she's shutting you out of your friendship, it might be worth it, I don't know her so I may be waaaay off but I thought an alternative view would be useful.

I posted a while ago that friends and family, however annoying aren't worth falling out with over weddings, I lost a friend of mine who I didn't speak to for quite a while, I just assumed she'd be there. I should've called, then she might still be, I'm going to do my best not to collect regrets over this process, it is after all my day and more important to me than others (as it should be).

On a final aside one of my BMs just got a new boyfriend and she spends all her time with him, all of it, and I find it truly annoying. Whenever I ask her to do BM stuff she's never got the time but I know that she's happy and like it or not her life takes precedence over 1 day next April. I mean she even forgot to tell me that her job was moved temporarily to Berlin, lol. How do you forget to tell people that?! So at the moment she's living overseas then coming home and seeing him and you know what, I'd probably do the same if I was her. Maybe she's not being the best of friends from my perspective but I haven't spoken to her about it.

Anyway just a few thoughts, I hope they don't sound horrid or anything, I just know that there are two sides to things and if there's a chance of your best friend remaining your best friend it's worth me writing this.

Hope it all gets sorted x

I was supposed to be my best friend's bridesmaid about 5 years ago but we fell out because I tried on a bridesmaid's dress on my own in a shop without her or the other bridesmaid there. We had been friends since we were 3 (now on our 30s) and it was sad but that we fell out but I'm still so angry 5 years on and I know that we will never talk again. Her last words to me were something along the lines of: Go f**k yourself and I wasn't to come to her wedding. She then wrote me a letter which only added insult to injury and we have never spoken since.

That's awful, I'm sorry that happened to you, people do and say many things to hurt each other and it's so sad because at the end of it we only have one life to live. I hope that you have more considerate and caring friends now. x

Thank you. She said that me trying a dress on on my own was an "odd thing to do" and she wanted to be there when I first tried any dresses on. I had never been a bridesmaid before and I had some time to kill one day between appointments so I thought I'd try some dresses on when I had time to kill. She lived far away and the other bridesmaid did too so I just thought I would use my initiative and see what styles were out there in the colour she wanted. We had discussed that if I was in town I may go in to a shop and see what was there so I really didn't (and still don't see what the problem was) Anyway, apparently it was the wrong thing to do.

I don't get it either.

Thank you! I was to made you feel like a complete weirdo for doing it! I'd be happy if my bridesmaid showed her own initiative and did that!

That' bizarre, you were clearly trying to be helpful. I'm sure she regrets it now but doesn't want to say. Do you think you will ever try to patch things up?

I honestly don't think so. Too much time has passed now.