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Beginner November 2024 Lancashire

Bridesmaid troubles

Mae-Jones, 14 April, 2024 at 23:47 Posted on Etiquette and Advice 0 4
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I have a few bridesmaids, some know each other outside the bridal party whereas some only met through being bridesmaids. I’ve planned a few bridesmaid meet ups so they all get to know each other more before the hen / big day which I thought was all going ok.
They have planned my hen do and all was going great people had paid deposits / booked flights and generally excited (everyone had over a year to to save and pay) I thought great!
Recently tho I had a message from one bridesmaid saying she’s no longer going to the hen do as she feels uncomfortable with my other bridesmaids and an ‘outsider’. Even tho everything has been booked and I honestly told her when planning there’s no expectation to come abroad but she was fine and we’ve had the bridesmaid catch ups so everyone knows each other, I’m not expecting people to be best mates but to be ok spending a few nights together for a hen do they have planned and of course the big day plus she gets on really well with two of them.It’s now made things awkward as I’m wondering if she doesn’t come to the hen do, how the others will react, how the wedding morning prep will unfold and I really don’t want to be upset (I’ve been on and off crying all week). Please can someone advise as I don’t want this dampening my hen do/ wedding but equally don’t want to ruin a friendship?

4 replies

Latest activity by Greeny, 25 April, 2024 at 10:03
  • R
    Genius July 2020 Monmouthshire
    RomanticGreenStationery27135 ·
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    I think you need to ask her if she is happy to be bridesmaid still. Spending a few days abroad with a group of people you don't feel comfortable is very different to spending a few hours with them + lots of other people not far from home. So she may be fine at the wedding, but not at the hen do. On the other hand, she may be wishing she could drop out completely but not want to say so for fear of upsetting you or letting you down. So the best way forward is for you to let her know that you'd love her to still be bridesmaid but that you understand if she wants to drop out.

    As for how the others 'react', you've said that you made it clear from the start that not everyone was expected to attend the hen, so it really shouldn't be an issue. If it is, then perhaps you have your explanation as to why she feels uncomfortable with the rest of the group.

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  • L
    Dorset
    Lucy ·
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    I’m a bridesmaid this year and I’m having a tough time with 2 bridesmaids I don’t know re the hen do. depends how involved in this you want to be! You either leave it alone or say to everyone how important it is to have your girls around you etc and maybe have a quiet word to the other girls and reiterate you don’t have to become best buds but we need to be accommodating. I think hen dos can be tricky because not everyone has the same expectations/ time they can give etc. I agree that the wedding morning is very different to a hen do so if she doesn’t come to the hen your morning should still be fun and special and I think it was take a really awful person to mess that up! You don’t really want to back a person into a corner to attend a hen do when they feel super uncomfortable as it sets a really bad tone for the weekend I think! Good luck xx
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  • Rebecca
    Beginner September 2024 Middlesex
    Rebecca ·
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    The situation you find yourself in is really difficult

    Try meeting with a bridesmaid, listen to her side of the story without bias. Perhaps her feelings are related to a specific incident or misunderstanding that can be resolved. Show that you value her feelings and understand that she may feel uncomfortable. Discuss with her that everyone at the bachelorette party is someone who is important to you, and that your main goal is for everyone to feel comfortable and enjoy the event. If your bridesmaid decides not to participate in the bachelorette party, try to maintain good relations and offer other ways for her to participate in the wedding preparations. She may be able to help you with something else that doesn't involve interacting with people she doesn't feel comfortable with.

    It is also important for you to remain calm and collected. Your wedding is your day, and while it's impossible to please everyone, your own well-being should be a priority.

    Remind yourself that despite the challenges that arise, your wedding day should be a joyful occasion for you and your partner.

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  • Katrina
    Rockstar February 2025 West Midlands
    Katrina ·
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    I hope you get this situation sorted out. If she wants and has to drop out respect her wishes. I do hope though she can still attend your wedding and help on the big day.


    If not you may have to reconsider your friendship ;/

    Best of luck with wedding planning pray you get this sorted.

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