Bridesmaid troubles....

Hey gracefly, thanks for your response! I really feel like my day is a bit of a joke to her at the moment. I received the message this morning but still not got back to her coz gob smacked! Maybe it is a reaction, but she is pregnant which is amazing in its self, and she just needs to realise she can't do and have everything?!

I would not be happy if that was me. It wouldn't bother me after the wedding. One of the reasons I picked my bridesmaid dresses is because they can wear them again but definately not before the wedding. I would message back and say that they are special for your day so don't really want them to be worn anywhere beforehand.

Rach xx

Thanks ladies! I feel like I need other people's opinions to confirm to myself that I'm not out of line! Grace - I can't believe your cousin thought that was acceptable! rach - I'm going to say that on the reply!! It's not supposed to be this hard is it? Xx

I agree with everyone else. This is definitely a no no.

Personally I find it cheeky and very forward of her to even consider asking ?

Just to look at it from another angle, maybe she appreciated the amount of effort you'd put in choosing dresses that everyone liked and she didn't want you to have wasted that effort choosing her a dress she would never wear.

Having said that, I'm assuming the dress won't fit her once she's had the baby/lost the baby weight. So it seems a bit strange that she would want to buy it, because this wedding the week before yours is surely the only time she will wear it. I would say that it's odd to want to wear a dress that was specifically intended to be your bridesmaid dress, to another wedding beforehand.

Just another thought along these lines, maybe she's been worried about what she's going to find to wear to the wedding when she's that far along, and thought this was an easy solution. If its a wedding that is completely unconnected to yours then she prob hasn't thought about how it'll make you feel other than that none from your wedding will have already seen it.. however if she does make it your wedding what will she wear to yours? Can she not just wear whatever she plans to now wear to your wedding to the wedding the week before?

My answer would be no, plain and simple, those are your bridesmaid dresses for your special day and are not to be worn to any other event before the wedding. They have been selected carefully to be part of your day. There are plenty of dresses available on the high street for pregnant women at the moment, having just been one myself very recently the selection is mind blowing as opposed to when I had my son 4 years ago. I think its not fair to put you in that position and I would never dream of asking a bride if I could do anything along those lines, the cheek!
I agree she probably hasn't even thought about how it will make you feel, whether you will share guests with the other wedding or not, if she has the money to buy the dress, she has the money to find another.

Although I think she's a bit out of order asking to wear the dress to another wedding, I am going to be completely honest here, and think it's quite rude of you to ask her to step down.

If you asked if she wanted to step down, then fair enough, but if you didn't, I'd be awfully upset if I was your pregnant friend. Ok, so she may not be able to help as much as some BM's would but then that's why you have more than one. And if she is in and out of hospital as she is having a torrid time, asking her to step down as a BM is hardly supportive. My best friend (who will be my BM when I get married) is currently pregnant and I would never consider asking her to step down.

Of course, I don't know your friend, or how she reacted, but perhaps she's quite upset by it, and this is her way of getting back at you?

.

From what you've put, i'm guessing she's understood about the bridesmaid bit, as i would if it was me in that position. Especially like you say if she's having a hard time & she'll be 39 weeks on your wedding day.

As far as the bridesmaid dresses go - the wedding she wants to wear it at, are there any guests there that are likely to be coming/invited to yours? If so, i think you're well within your rights to say something along the lines of 'I'd actually prefer it if you didn't, basically because it's taken x amount of time & effort to find them and x, y & z will have already seem you wear it at the previous wedding the week prior. If you so wish to buy that dress from the shop direct and then wear it, i cannot stop you and have no issues with it being worn after our wedding day. I hope you understand.'

Wearing a bridesmaid dress to a wedding prior to the wedding that i won't be wearing it at wouldn't appeal to me, but i'm guessing that as she's asked she maybe feels you may not be keen on the idea and therefore wants you to be the bigger person, say 'that's fine' and then know she's not going to get bad feeling from you when you later see pics of her at that wedding wearing it.

A big part of it could be that she thinks she'll feel and look good in it at a time when she may be feeling fat & frumpy. Is it a dress that will look good/suit in later stages of pregnancy?

WSS! Definitely not before the wedding. Afterwards is a different matter but not before. I'm shocked she even asked.

Exactly this.

I don't think it was very nice to ask her to step down.

I actually don't see the problem with her wearing the dress as a guest if the other wedding is totally unconnected to yours. If she is buying it off you then fair enough, she wants to get use out of it. If a lot of the guests would be the same at both weddings then I would not be happy.

I think if the wedding before yours is not one any of your other guests will be at then i dont see a problem. the only thing i would be worried about is if she then wanted to wear that dress to your wedding due to it being hte only thing that fits her nicely

I don't want to put the cat amongst the proverbial here but I must be missing the point.

You asked her to be BM then asked her to step down, she loves the dress you've picked so wants to wear it somewhere else and has been nice enough to ask you, which she didn't have to, after all how would you know?

I don't really understand what this girl has done wrong.

It isn't taking the shine off anything, if anything it is just complementing your great taste.

I do agree with earlier posts, if there are mutual guests at both weddings then of course ask her to refrain, but if not, so what, she won't be wearing it to yours and no-one will have seen it before.

Please bear in mind she may be hurt about you asking her to step down, she already loves the dress, lets face it finding stuff she likes and which fits must be a pain for her and she will be a bag of hormones, surely your friendship is worth more than a dress.

I hope you sort it hun xxx

It wouldn't bother me one bit if she wanted to wear the dress to another wedding and I disagree that she was rude to ask. Who's even really going to notice anyway?

Also, I'm not sure I would have asked her to step down either. I would have given her the option to do as she wishes on the day. If she was important enough to me to ask her to be BM in the first place, I would have been happy for her to do nothing more than wear the BM dress, walk down the aisle and then relax and enjoy the rest of the day. Which is pretty much all I asked of my non pregnant bridesmaids. I don't really understand the expectations some brides have of their bridesmaids.

I agree! Even the language used on these boards - "step down" - is like it's some kind of political office or military service! All I'm asking my bridesmaids to do is pass on any nice decor ideas they come across, wear something gorgeous that they'll love and wear again, and turn up on the day to celebrate with me. Maybe I should be milking it more!

I'm afraid I agree with the last few posters. Personally, unless I'd designed the dress myself or made it, I don't think I would have given it a second thought. If it's off the peg, there'll be thousands of people across the world wearing it, and that goes for our wedding dresses too. But I'm sure she'd rather find another dress if her request hurts your feelings, so maybe it's best to just tell her kindly that you'd rather she didn't.

Exactly this.