bridesmaid turning into a nightmare!

Is she the only bridesmaid? If so, and you have no others to match, then why not let her choose something she's comfortable in? If she feels comfortable in dresses which you find a bit tarty then it's only going to reflect on her, not you.

Some colours do make people washed out, depending on their skin tone. Did you choose the colour to suit her or are you dressing her to match your napkins? If she wouldn't normally dress in clubby styles then I suspect she's being unhelpful (whether she realises it or not) because she just feel uncomfortable in anything the two of you have come up with so far.

Presumably you asked her to be BM because you love her. I'm sure you can work it out.

What colour are you after? Maybe someone here could come up with a suggestion that appeals to you both?

Maybe try again to suggest as she is the only bridesmaid (I'm guessing) you want her to look gorgeous and elegant, if you haven't found anything she likes could she therefore add some money to the pot and you both look at Phase Eight/ Coast - she may soon catch on to the style you want?

Or if you are lucky enough to have a frank mother like I do, bring her along she'll soon put a stop to this "tarty-ness"

Just a suggestion x

Hi, I am after a baby pink dress. We looked at coast dresses, to be honest I think they all had too much fabric on them! There is no way I am going to have her dressed like a tart, I feel she is being obstructive. She has no money to add to the pot but as I asked her to bridesmaid I wouldn't expect any money from her. Yes she is the only bridesmaid. Not having napkins btw haha! It feels like it's going to be her way and colour or no way = stress! X

Does it HAVE to be baby pink? Are there any other colours amongst your wedding that she could wear? Maybe you could find a happy middle...

You could try the 'tough love' approach, and just say this is the colour, this is the length, the rest is up to BM, no ifs, no buts.

As for the shoes get some white spirit to get the fake tan off hahaha!

Have you actually asked her what she doesn't like about the dresses you have suggested? Sounds like you'll either just have to put your foot down and buy something or compromise - could you go for neutrals or a vibrant pink instead? FWIW I would hate to wear a baby pink dress - pink looks horrendous on me and pale pink makes me look like a blancmange.

You're not having much luck!

Perhaps you could compromise on the shade/colour so that she can wear something that suits her? But I agree on you sticking to your guns about the dress being classy. Everyone will think you had some control over the length/colour! She may be insisting on a short one because she wants to keep it and wear it for clubbing after the wedding!

At this point I should confess that I chose a hideous mint green meringue style for my bridesmaids and they were all very reasonable about it! (It was 1990 though!)

For a start, Who's wedding is this? Who is paying for the day (food, drink, make up etc.)? I'm sorry, but your bridesmaid is being very selfish, especially to make you almost cry. She should be wearing exactly what you tell her to. You say you feel like she isn't listening to what you want, and that really isn't fair. Also what is she doing messing up her shoes already?!

On a more useful level have you tried talking to her about how this is making you feel? Planning a wedding is stressful enough without someone stropping over their dress. If she is still huffy after a chat, maybe consider asking her if she still wants to be your bridesmaid.

I hope she comes round x

Baby pink was my first choice of colour, we did look at fuschia pink too but she didn't like it (I have seen her wearing this colour on a night out), the other dresses I have ordered now will be a like it or lump it as I don't have much time. Who knew bridesmaid dress shopping = stress! X

Hi Mrswendy2016, we have discussed it and after me telling her on several occasions what I am looking for she then texts me a link for another dress which is a beige colour with gems and a black collar, not what I had visions of for my big day. I am probably more upset at the fact she is not taking in what I am saying, it's getting to the point where I am going to say that's the dress and if you don't like it then tough. Maybe harsh to some but how should a bridesmaid tell me what colour for my day, I know they probably want some input but not on this one. I sound totally bridezilla lol! As for the shoes it out looks like she has worn them outside, grrr! X

I feel for you. I only had one BM to try to keep things simple, and it was a nightmare. I thought I was asking very little of her: 200quid budget for her whole outfit given to her in cash in advance, I let her choose any length or style she is happy with, and preferably sage green, but willing to go with any earthy shade of green, as long as it wasn't too blue, or too 'citrus' bright. And she would have to go shopping without me as I live out of the country. To help her along I sent her links to dresses I liked to give her an idea, but emphasised that mostly I wanted her to be happy.

Should have been easy right? Wrong! she was really resistant to going shopping at all (she hates shopping) so in the end I had to get my mum to drive over (an hour and a half away from where she lives) and take her out for the day. Then she was so fixated on 'getting it right' that she refused to try anything on that wasn't exactly the colour and style I had suggested would be my favourite. She looked miserable in every photo she sent me and neither the colour or style suited her.

My point is - is your BM being deliberately obstructive? (To be honest it does sound like she is a bit) But it also sounds to me a bit like you are being very rigid in the way you want her dressed. Did you pick your style and colour with her in mind, or just with your dream wedding in mind? in my case I had dressed my wedding, not dressed my best friend and as soon as I saw that it wasn't working for her and gave her permission to broaden the boundaries we found something we were both really happy with. Are there any positives in the links she has sent you so that you can give her some feedback - eg I like the colour of that one, but the length's wrong, or that's a really nice material but not sure about the embellishment.........the odd positive comment could give her something to work with rather that just a wall of 'no'.

Having said that it is your wedding, and your money at the end of the day, so Yes, yous hould get the final say. But I would much rather have a BM who looks happy and confident by my side on my wedding day than one who is fed up with what she has to wear!

Https://www.debenhams.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/prod_10701_10001_008010240004_-1

Have you looked in Debenhams? They do have the coast maxi with lots of fabric in but also a slimmer one and a coupel of beautiful Jenny Packhams in pale pink.

That dress is really pretty MOMB ?

People have different ideas of 'appropriate' wedding attire, let alone bridesmaid attire. I was at a wedding recently and thought a lot of the youngsters (say 17-23 year olds) who turned up for the evening function looked like they had dressed for My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding. I don't think the bride was impressed with them, tbh, but it was a 400 person wedding, where they would have been daughters of random people ie. people who she's never met before, other than at other weddings.

Anyway, my point is that your bridesmaid might just have a different idea of what is 'appropriate'. In my circle of friends, most of us seem to believe that as a bridesmaid OR as a guest, dresses should not be above the knee, but we realise that other people just don't have that as a set rule to live by, and will wear club-wear at weddings without giving it a second thought.

You need to tell her straight what your idea of 'appropriate' is. Yes, give her some say in her dress, but no, give her no flexibility on the things you feel are important. Explain to her what the difference is between bridesmaid wear and 'going out' wear.

Same here. I have typical English pink-toned pale skin and it clashes horribly.

Oh dear, sorry to hear about your bridesmaid-zilla. Sounds like a pain in the backside.

It sounds like maybe she is showing you other dresses because she hates the colour you have picked. And while, yes, it's your day and you should have whatever colour you want, perhaps she is trying to steer you in another direction colour-wise because she genuinely looks bad in that colour. Are there any other colours that would co-ordinate with your colour scheme? Black dress for her maybe?

As you are paying for it, at the same time she should just wear what you want her to, but you don't want to waste your money on a dress she will never wear again, that would be silly. And dresses aren't cheap, so it would perhaps be a good idea to get something you do bpth genuinely like even if that means moving away from the baby pink. Weddings are so expensive anyway, you don't want to feel you wasted money on a hated dress.

Whatever happens, don't fall out over a dress. She has been your friend for ages for a reason, and it would be silly to get so upset over a dress. No-one will be looking at her, and this is not the stuff you will remember in 50 years.

I went to a wedding last year and the mother of the bride wore a dress that was so inappropraite and awful. The poor bride was probably mortified by the prospect of her mother wearing that. But she put up with it, and I doubt it's what she will remember in 50 years time. She won't give it another thought, and will probably laugh about it in years to come when looking back at photos. And it just made the bride look even more elegant and beautiful.

Hi Pink & Glitz. How is she now? You don't sound bridezilla at all - it's your special day! If she is totally deviating from the colour/style you want she really is being a plank. Like you say, your bridesmaid shouldn't tell you what they should be wearing. Yes what they would prefer and offer input, but not changing it totally! Stand your ground lovely

Let us know how it goes xxx

Hello, I have found a dress we both love in baby pink! When we put on the shoes, accessories it shows how beautiful she looked in it. I am so happy and more relaxed now, on the countdown now xx

Congrats, and 'phewww' in equal measures!

Edit: Must get rid of that ticker now it's out of date. On the OM's bench now!

Hurray! FLASH!!

Yay ?

There's not many suitable light pink dresses about at the moment, I know coz I had to look too! Does it have to be baby pink and not a similar colour, I got mine off Alexon https://www.precis.co.uk/ and it's lovely and they love it.

If she thinks she is too pale then tell her to have a spray tan, get on the sunbeds or get the fake tan on the go! Or too fat - SPANX my new best friend!

xx

So you're saying that rather than try to work with their BMs to find something flattering (which the OP has done her best to do, and now seemingly been successful), brides should encourage their BMs to not only change their natural skintone in a way that might make them look completely different and feel uncomfortable, but to expose themselves to potential skin cancer in order to co-ordinate with the wedding?

No.

Omg you need to chill out abit what a over reaction to a simple comment! Fake tan happens to be one of the biggest sellers these days and has no bad effects on you skin if you don't wish to take the sun bed route, most woman these days like a tan on special occasions! Chillllll!

I was having the same issue but with 4 bridesmaids. And the fact that they have offered to pay for their own dress (I'm paying for hair makeup and flowers and gifts for them) in the end there was so much conflict I've picked the dresses myself. They are from dorothy perkins and are called Alice and me they are £39 each and have a wide range of colours and are classic bridemaids style.

It is your day. Not hers. You are paying. Not her. It's your colours. Not hers. She is important enough for you to have her as a bridemaids and therefore she should respect your wishes. Search missguided and DP and asos. They have a massive range that are great for bridesmaids. Fingers crossed you find the right one that makes both of you happy. It's long like she's gotta wear a bin bag. Also tell her to get a damn spray tan if she's worried about being washed out. And her hair and make up professionally done will look beautiful.

Failing that opt for the most neutral colour you can find like cream or beige or nude and jazz it up with pink flowers and accessories. Good luck xx