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Lucy
Beginner May 2025 Central & Glasgow

Bridesmaid - unsure on 1

Lucy, 12 February, 2024 at 14:47 Posted on Etiquette and Advice 0 2
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Hi Everyone,

I am having a small (50-60) destination wedding and I am set on having 2 Bridesmen (family) and 1 MOH (closest friend)

My fiance is only having his bestman and no groomsmen.

Now I have 1 other closest friend I was going to have as my bridesmaid. However I am second guessing myself and unsure whether the having that doubt there in the first place is enough to not have her. I fear I may regret having her but also regret not having her.

To paint the picture...We have been friends for around 5 years, will be 6 come the wedding day. We talk most days and rarely cross. However I do get majorly annoyed with her as she essentially copies everything I do, say, buy and I can tell she says things as she thinks it is what I am thinking...

I fear she will spend the entire "bridesmaid" time as taking notes for her own and essentially judging the entire thing rather than just being solely happy for me and supportive like I know my MOH will be. She can be quite immature in the way she presents herself and communicates with people which I don't want to have to worry about when she meets a lot of people on the wedding day as my bridesmaid.

She can be selfless and thoughtful in which I do think may be a good attribute to being a BM but I'm just so unsure.

I'm thinking since my fiance is only having his bestman, i could get away with only having my MOH (alongside my bridesmen) and she wont be offended given its a small wedding etc. I do think she would be the type to then not ask me to be a bridesmaid to her out of spite which I think would upset me but also wouldnt surprise me and only be a bad reflection on her and not me.

Looking for advice on if anyone has been in similar or for brutal honesty on my thought process....

Thanks in advance!

2 replies

Latest activity by Leanne, 13 February, 2024 at 18:18
  • R
    VIP July 2020 Monmouthshire
    RomanticGreenStationery27135 ·
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    If you think that she wouldn't invite you to be her bridesmaid (or do anything else) out of 'spite', then I have to ask why she is your 'friend' in the first place! I think you might need to set the bar higher for your friendships!

    I would definitely not invite anyone to your bridesmaid if you can't trust them to be 100% supportive. As a compromise, could you ask her to do a reading or be a witness? For the record, I don't think you 'need' to ask her to do anything, but if you are uncomfortable about not making her bridesmaid, that might be a way of enabling you to opt out of inviting her while giving you peace of mind.

    As for her not inviting you to be her bridesmaid, I really wouldn't worry about it. Inviting someone to be your bridesmaid is never a guarantee you will be theirs - friendships change, people move on and each family has it's own dynamics. And you'll probably find that being bridesmaid starts to feel less important to you anyway after a year or two of marriage.

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  • Leanne
    Savvy June 2024 Staffordshire
    Leanne ·
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    Hello Lucy ,
    I second what romanticgreenstationary has said . You mentioned more concerns ( cons ) than pros for the reasons of your uncertainty. Why would you be upset if she didn’t ask you to be a bridesmaid ? Is she planning a wedding herself ? I don’t think the idea that you wouldn’t potentially be one of hers is reason enough to not ask her to be one of hers . Nobody can predict what will happen . As mentioned circumstances can change at any moment . You may not ask her then something could happen which could pull you both closer together and she may ask you anyway , because it would feel like the right thing to do . Would she even like to be a bridesmaid ? Could you speak to her about it and then re assess how you feel and go from there . I personally didn’t enjoy being a bridesmaid when I’ve been one and done so out of curtesy , but I think I’d have rather had a chat about it in hindsight . I’d have happily been a witness if I knew then what I know now . I think it’s probably best to have a chat with her about it , every wedding is individual and some people just want simplicity , ultimately you have to do what’s right for you and your husband to be , and I think most people will 100% understand and respect that . Xx
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