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Kirsty
Beginner February 2023 West Midlands

Bridesmaid/flower girl family disagreement

Kirsty, 21 November, 2021 at 10:35 Posted on Planning 0 5
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Just wondering whether anyone could offer me some advice here. I have chosen my 5 adult bridesmaids and my 4 smaller flower girls (my daughter, my best friends daughter and my 2 goddaughters) but my family are up in arms that I haven’t chosen my youngest cousin (she will be 16). They said that it’s tradition to have family and that I was a flower girl for my aunt and uncle when I was one! (Eye roll). I didn’t choose her because she’s too old to be a flower girl but also too young to be a bridesmaid so I honestly don’t know what to do- is there any other kind of roll I could give her? This is the first big decision we have made for our wedding and my family have already upset me over it. Thanks so much! X

5 replies

Latest activity by Teri, 24 November, 2021 at 13:00
  • Louise
    Rockstar March 2022 Devon
    Louise ·
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    Are ur bridesmaids friends, family or a bit of both? I agree she may be too old for being a flower girl unless maybe u made her head flower girl? Is she a more mature 16 old? I would be tempted to say bridesmaid but make it understood she won't be part of any hen do activities if they involve time away or drinking. If you r happy to have her involved it couldn't hurt to have her involved in walking down the aisle with them? It would make it equal to walk in pairs? Hope thats helpful!
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  • C
    VIP April 2022 Wiltshire
    Charlotte ·
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    It is entirely your decision, she is old enough to be a bridesmaid but you shouldn't feel pressured to ask her. Maybe she could do a reading at the ceremony? If you do ask her it could be her role to look after the little ones on the day and when you are getting ready so could have advantages. Is so emotive and sadly family have opinions and sense of entitlement but it is your day so you must stand your ground if it is not something you want to do x
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  • R
    Genius July 2020 Monmouthshire
    RomanticGreenStationery27135 ·
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    Your wedding, your rules. Your cousin is likely to have plenty more opportunities to be a bridesmaid - and she may not want to be one anyway.

    She's not too young to be a bridesmaid though. Too young to join in your hen do and you might not want to include her on things like dress shopping, but there's nothing to stop her walking down the aisle on the day if you want her to. Otherwise, you could ask her to do a reading or be the person who takes charge of any cards or gifts on the day. But it should be your choice, not what family expect.

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  • Jess
    Dedicated October 2022 Worcestershire
    Jess ·
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    It's crazy how political it is choosing the bridal party and I've made some tough decisions myself. My youngest cousin will be 8 when I get married and has never been bridesmaid before so I have asked to be part of the bridal party. My older cousins are the same age as me and I'm already having my sister and eldest niece as bridesmaids so didn't need anymore really. I'm thinking of asking them to do a reading during the ceremony to get them involved in the day. If your cousin has any skills or hobbies that she could contribute to the day that might be another way to get her involved. At the end of the day, it's your wedding and if you don't want her to be your bridesmaid then don't let others push you into anything but there are plenty of ways family can be involved in your special day!

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  • T
    Curious November 2023 Devon
    Teri ·
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    Why is everyone so set on traditions?! At the end of the day it's your wedding, so you do you. I really doubt anyone would fall out with a bride over who she chooses to be part of her bridal party, but if they do then it says more about them than it does you!
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