Bridesmaids lacking enthusiasm?!?!

Awww im sorry to hear this. I haven't had the same problem so can't be of much help. Sorry.x

Me too! Weirdly similar as I have just booked a weekend away at a cottage! The woman on the phone was surprised when asking the name if the bride that it was in fact me making the booking! xXx

Wow so you've booked your own hen?!?! I've literally found where I want to go, and have thought when would be good to go (2 of my bridesmaids and other people going are teachers) and told the bridesmaids this but still nothing! I basically said I would book it, but I don't want to do anything else ie all the plans and fun things. They're still having none of it. Maybe now summers over I need to step it up again, the cottage I want was available when I checked, if it isn't available now I'll be so upset!!

^^This. You can't expect too much this far away from your wedding, to them its miles away, and you have to remember that it is understandably a lot more exciting for you! I asked my bridesmaids if they would sort ny hen as I couldn't do anything else (i only had 8 months to plan my wedding) told them what i'd like, and they were great. Have a bit of faith in them, but don't expect them to be mind readers

Yeah lol I needed to get it sorted coz also like you I have teachers coming so the weekends available were limited and I didn't want it to get booked up!

xXx

All I can say to this is what I learned through the planning process and what I tell everyone else.

Yes, it is the most important day of your life.

However it is NOT the most important day of theirs and you can't just expect them to be as excited as you. I barely got anything out of my bridesmaids until the few weeks leading to the wedding and I also planned my own hen. Honestly don't be worried about it, this is perfectly normal.

You might be boring them a bit to be honest ... I am so confused by the expectations of BMs ... They won't be that excited as it's not their wedding and they have lives ... I am sure they will sort the fun bits out at the hen but if you are worried be specific ... I booked the hen house for the weekend and then was clear that the BMs were in charge on the Saturday ... Just try and chill a bit .... I bet they will get excited nearer the time! !

I'm planning my friend's hen do for Feb next year (getting married in April) - we have a list of names and have sent out "save the weekends" but not booked anything else. We haven't even gone dress shopping yet, let alone chosen shoes - though I suspect we will be wearing our own.

She is one of my closest friends and I am really excited to be a bridesmaid for her, but it's not taking up my entire life. You DO still have loads of time, so there's no need to panic yet. If the hen thing is worrying you, then you need to tell them and be specific i.e. "I would like you to be in charge of organising this, here is a guest list, we need to finalise a weekend ASAP." Don't lose friendships over this.

In all honesty, i think your stressing out about something you don't need to be stressed about. Your wedding is ages away, which is why they aren't organising the hen do now.

Make sure you are clear on what you expect from your BMs. Tell them that you want to go away for the weekend around x date and that you're happy to let them have a list of names, but would like to know that they've booked something by Y date.

You'll have to trust them to get it done in their own time. If you start taking over now, when there is still months and months of time for them to sort this out, you'll look like a crazy control freak - sorry to be blunt

Like everyone else has said, to them it seems ages away. I've just started to get their excitement as we've chosen their dresses. a couple of months ago, they weren't really that bothered. I'm sure it'll fizzle out again for a while and then pick back up nearer the time. One of my bms has her 30th in a few weeks and that's her priority right now - fair enough! Then two of them are off on holiday - so they have things that are more exciting to them. That's not to say they aren't excited about being bms, just it's not their priority.

To be fair to them, i've had days where i don't want to think about wedding stuff - and it's my own wedding. Then i have days where its all i can think about.

My MOH is a little star and is taking it upon herself to do as much as she possibly can, but I would still like some say in the booking of the hen, I am a huge control freak so I couldn't just sit back and 'turn up' when expected!

I agree with what everyone else has said though, I have noticed that when I mention wedding stuff to my other BMs they all have the 'well you've got ages yet' comments to make, so I try not to mention it now unless they ask me first. I could literally talk about my wedding all day, every day until the moment I walk down the aisle (and probably for ages after) but like someone else said, it's not central to their lives so they probably don't understand the way we feel.

I'm sure that closer to the time they will all pitch in

I understand exactly how you feel!! My bridesmaids are all lovely but they haven't been at all enthusiastic about hen planning, I've said I'd do it myself twice but they're insisting on doing it but I feel like I've pressured them somehow. It doesn't help that two are from separate friendship groups and are clashing a bit. Just makes you feel rather unpopular that no one wants to do this kind of stuff for you! I'm bridesmaid for one of them next year two and can't wait to get planning hers!

Everyone else is right too though, I think we need to just lower/manage our expectations.

xx

I understand exactly how you feel!! My bridesmaids are all lovely but they haven't been at all enthusiastic about hen planning, I've said I'd do it myself twice but they're insisting on doing it but I feel like I've pressured them somehow. It doesn't help that two are from separate friendship groups and are clashing a bit. Just makes you feel rather unpopular that no one wants to do this kind of stuff for you! I'm bridesmaid for one of them next year too and can't wait to get planning hers!

Everyone else is right too though, I think we need to just lower/manage our expectations.

xx

My bridesmaids took a while to get excited but once they did they planned an amazing hen party for me. To them your wedding is ages away & they still have lots going on in their lives until then. Advice with the bridesmaid dresses. Don't order them too early. I did and now I'm paying for it with new dresses and alterations. X

I can understand you panicking about the cottage, that is completely understandable as something like that does need to be booked well in advance to avoid disappointment. Maybe you could book it so you can relax that you have definitely got the place you want? Or just say to your sister that you're worried that if it doesn't get booked soon that the cottage won't be available for the dates you want, and ask her to book it for you?

As for the rest of the planning for hen do and wedding, I also agree that it is a little early for them to start getting excited. It's normally the beginning, middle and end that they get excited lol! When you tell them you're getting married, they're excited for you & want to know all about it, then it goes quiet until you take them dress shopping. They get excited all over again but then forget about it until you have to go back for fittings etc. I've left my BM's to sort out their own shoes & accessories as I want them to be as individual as they are & reflect their personalities, also I want them to be happy & comfortable. All but one are wearing flat shoes, the other (my sister) adores heels & has probably bought about 4 pairs & now can't decide which to wear lol. I have been fortunate in that my sister (& CBM) has taken charge of the hen do, although she has booked it a little close to the wedding (The week before!) but it's only a night out not a holiday. Please don't worrry about the rest, they will get it sorted out nearer the time.

Okay so the hen do thing I wouldnt worry as you do have ages but I can understand why you would be concerned when they are not even replying.. that would really hack me off in all honesty.

I would probably say to them if they dont come back to me on the shoes I will pick them myself... To be honest thats excatly what I have done.

I dont expect a thing off my bridesmaids expect for them to turn up to there fittings, turn up to the hen and turn up on the day.. thats it.

My sister who is MOH hasnt offered to help me with ANYTHING and she probably wont.

But a couple of my other bridesmaids have which is nice of them.

I have picked their dresses and ofcourse they can try them on before we decide 100% (they are being made).. shoes I picked myself.. very plain peep toe so everyone wears those... my hen do I have arranged myself... I am the most organised person I know and so to leave it to anyone else would drive me mad in case they didnt get it done.

Best plan is to go ahead and do things yourself and if anyone asks to help or asks to pitch in then its a bonus and a pleasantry rather than expecting it.

That way you wont be disappointed.?