Bridesmaids or No Bridesmaids

Just from reading your question I can tell that you’d rather not have bridesmaids due to having a non traditional wedding and I think that you should stick to no bridesmaids than feel bad for your cousin and end up getting into a spiral of extra expenses. The dresses, bouquets, shoes and thank you gifts can add an extra expense.
Another idea is to speak to your sister about the dilemma and tell her that you might just have your cousin as bridesmaid as she’s really wanted to be one and just get your cousin a £30/40 dress, a fake flower bouquet you can get for £3/5 and tell her to wear whatever shoes she already owns ☺️

Hi,


Could you include her another way? Such as if your having a poem or anything at the ceremony, im not sure if theres a legal age witnesses so she might too young to be a witness. Maybe she could still get changed with you or something. She may just want to be a part of a wedding but you can do this without her being a bridesmaid. Giving her role to do something on the day may help.

Fifteen is well old enough to start learning that we don't always get what we want. This is your wedding. You shouldn't be rearranging it just so that your cousin gets to wear a posh dress and bouquet - and at 15, she is likely to have plenty of opportunities in the future to be someone else's bridesmaid anyway.

Thanks for everyone’s input so far. Just having a bit of a brain storm and to be honest I think her main desire to be a bridesmaid is purely because she just wants to get dressed up and have her hair and make up ect.


I was thinking of having a little pamper spa day the week before anyway, where me, my mum and sister get nails, eye brows, waxing ect so I can extend the invite to my cousin and her mum (my aunt) so she’s still involved in all the girly stuff. And if she wants to wear a posh ball gown style dress then that’s up to her but it’ll be at her own (or her mum’s!) expense. 😅

View quoted message Yes actually that has given me an idea! I know she’s very into photography at the moment (it’s a subject she’s taken at school) and as I’m not planning to have a professional photographer I could ask her to bring her camera and task her with getting some nice photos of the venue and family throughout the day. I know she’s no professional (not yet anyway- but who knows it could be the start of a future career lol ) but her camera should get some quality images rather than selfies which most other guests will be taking on their phones 💡

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As you are not doing any of the traditional wedding things to the extent that your Dad is not walking you down the isle (its not giving away ). If you were to then have bridesmaids your Dad may well be surprised to find out you are having them.

Because you are not having a photographer then I think your idea is great and she will enjoy that much more than being a bridesmaid.

Favors? You htb have best mate who can be best man and then your cousin can be maid of honor and the boom nothing else

I'd say it's your day so don't feel pressured in to having something you don't want. I love the idea of involving your cousin with the photography instead, especially from a feminist point of view 💪

We are having a similar non traditional day to you (we want to walk down the aisle together, we’re not having a first dance, no bridesmaids or best men either). I think as others have suggested you can still include her in the day, but not have her as an official bridesmaid. As others have said too, that way you can save on her hair/make up/outfit costs as well!


Some ideas on how to include her in the day if you want her to have a bit of a role are:
- could you have your cousin walk down the aisle first maybe scattering petals, then would you want parents walking down the aisle after before you make your entrance so they can get involved too?
- could she have a role in the ceremony - e.g ring bearer, or doing some sort of reading
- getting her involved in the pre wedding pampering and photography as you’ve suggested sounds like a great idea!
- not sure how much you have left to plan, is there any way she could help with something, e.g. helping pick and taste the cake?
Overall it’s your day so I’d try not to be pressured into doing anything you don’t want to, and also 15 is very young so I am sure she will have a chance to be a proper bridesmaid later in life! Whatever you decide hope you have a lovely day!!

Interesting

View quoted message It is actually interesting reading this back now as I originally posted it in January!


In the end I did decide to have two bridesmaids but still not my cousin. I realised it would be pretty boring getting ready in the morning all by myself and I also needed some dedicated helpers to arrange the hen events. I let them choose their own dress which they paid for themselves (£25 from Quiz in the sale) and they’re going to wear their own shoes and jewellery. So the only extra expenses is their flowers ( I got them each a wreath hoop for £10 with artificial flowers) and I’m paying for their hair and make-up £80 each.
I haven’t actually seen or spoken to my cousin since I got engaged one year ago (so really not that close to her) so I don’t think she’ll be that upset when she finds out she wasn’t asked. I have also decided to hire a professional photographer but I think I will still ask my cousin to bring her own camera to get photos too so she doesn’t feel completely excluded!