Bridesmaids/family advice

Who you have for a bridesmaid is your choice and it's unfair of your mum to put you under pressure ... BUT .... Please read back what you have written and see if you think you sound like a nice person! ! You don't to me ...I can't actually believe your main reason for not wanting your sister is because she is overweight ... and I hazard a guess that its also to do with her disability since you see fit to mention it when there is no need.

In case you can't tell I'm absolutely horrified. Your poor sister probably won't want to be a bridesmaid if she knew how unkind you are and the fact she will have to be under contract to lose weight .... I really hope you are just a troll and not for real ...

I don't feel it is appropriate for me to comment on majority of what you said, but this --->

"My mum said that brides always have their sisters as bridesmaids (is that true?)"

No it's not im not having my sister as a bridesmaid.

I agree with the above comments,, I'm not sure if you have meant it in the way it's way been written but it does come across very personal against your sister and if that's coming through to your mother tbh i can understand why she might be upset, as said who you choose as a bridesmaid is you choice but I don't think it's a very nice statement to agree for her to be bridesmaid on the basis she looses weight!

I haven't got a sister so don't no about that but my brothers are very much a part of my wedding, I think it should considered on all merits!

This must be a troll ... Her user name makes no sense for a bride......

I'm not abusing you I'm pointing out your post makes you sound like a horrid, shallow and selfish person.

Your question is essentially do I have to have my sister as a bridesmaid and is it okay that mum says I have to ... its the comments about your susters disability, height, weight and need to be "looked after" that do you no favours and made me think this must have been a troll joking .. The update is not much better .... oh and you can change your username ...

"Generally quite normal" ?

I certainly wasn't abusing you, I was just trying to point out how your comments across, as you have said it wasn't meant in that way but it didn't read well!

In any event as I previously said I would consider it on all merits and ultimately it's your choice you don't have to have anyone you don't want as a bridesmaid!

I personally still don't agree with the obese comments, but that's just my opinion!

It's true not all brides have their sisters as bridesmaid. Our best man had downs syndrome so I do find your reasons a little harsh.

Hitched randomly generates these stupid usernames if you sign up and can't be bothered to give yourself a username. But I hope that you are right, nonetheless.

No, you do not have to have your sister as a bridesmaid. However, just basing your desicion on her weight is incredibly unfair. A couple of my bridesmaids are overweight/obese, but they are gorgeous and special to me, and I would never disregard someone due to their weight.

You say you two are not that close - THAT is a reason to not pick them as bridesmaid, the weight issue shouldnt even get a look in. Bear in mind, that if she was your BM that could trigger some very close bonding with you two, and you will become close. She obviously wants to help plan your wedding where she can. She may not be able to go out on a wild hen night, but she can accompany you with dress shopping and choosing flowers etc.

You are right, your mum shouldnt be blackmailing you with financial help, she should be doing to help YOU, not to make your sister a BM. If you really dont want her as this, then tell your mum to not worry about helping out.

If you stick with your desicion, then let her down gently. Remember, your OH loves you for who you are, love your sister for who she is.

This thread is weird. I can't believe anyone growing up with a disabled sister would be so careless with their language. Nor can I believe any mother of a mildly-disabled child would be talking about them never getting married (whyever not?).

This. People with a disability are not abnormal. Your posts do make you out to be a very unpleasant person and I really feel for your poor sister and mum.

No, sisters do not automatically become bridesmaids, regardless of disability, weight, appearance or any other factor.

Should you consider weight and able-bodiedness when choosing bridesmaids? Only if you're a shallow, nasty piece of work.

Ignoring the shallowness of the rest of the post.

No you don't have to have sisters as bridesmaids. I have 2 sisters. They are not bridesmaids. My 2 best friends are. I'm not close to my sisters, and since one of them only recently decided she could even be bothered to come to the wedding I certainly wasn't going to let her be in the wedding party and have potential to mess me around.

I think you need to be careful how you write things down my sister is mentally disabled but that doesn't mean she is not normal!?! My sisters not only my bridesmaid but my maid of honour she doesn't drink so she won't be coming on a wild night out for my hen but will be coming a long for a bit until she has had enough but I couldn't imagine my wedding without her, she's even doing a reading all the other bridesmaids are amazing and are fiancés sisters and my two best friends and treat her the same as they treat each other as she is the same as us she's just unique in her own little way. So to see a post like this doesn't annoy me when you refer to the word 'normal' it just disappoints me that you are so small minded to think everyone needs to fit into a normal category and if you have a disability it makes you somehow 'abnormal' we'll it doesn't! I hope you are a troll or if you felt you had to ask your sister to be bridesmaid she said no.

'Also for very shallow and selfish reasons I don't want her to be a bridesmaid as she's so overweight.'

Shallow and selfish are the perfect words to describe this attitude.

Never mind not having her as a bridesmaid, you don't HAVE to have your sister. But tbh that's not the issue is it. The issue is your awful attitude to this woman, who obviously wants to be part of HER sister's wedding.

I actually think having her do a reading etc is a lovely idea, and if you had asked the question without all the rubbish about her disability and weight you would have probably had a bit more luck on here! If you had simply said 'Does my sister have to be a BM? I would like her to do a reading and announce us as bride and groom, but we're not close and I'd rather my friends were BM's' then I/hitched as a whole would have said 'yes that's fine!' but instead all you seem to focus on is her weight and disability.

You come across cold and cruel. Maybe in real life you aren't, but your posts portray that. Your sister has a disability. It doesn't stop her being your sister. So what if she is overweight, obese, needs looking after? So what?

Well done you. What business is it of yours whether other people are fat though? Why do you care?

And I might have thought you could see that losing weight - something you were able to do with ease - might not be quite so straightforward for a person who isn't neurotypical.

I didn't actually think that the OP could get any worse! !!! Now you have the cheek to comment on people's weight in general just because you lost 3 stone!! Wow ... I don't actually have the words for the sheer arrogance of you and the level of disgust I'm feeling right now! ? everything you say makes it worse!

She describes herself as selfish and shallow.... I think she's commented on herself enough.....

Troll you are and forever will be. Because if not then you truly are the nastiest piece of work I've come across since the one whose bm got pregnant deliberately to spoil her wedding.

So glad you didn't hang around!

?

What ever happened to her I wonder....... I lost track of the thread

Simply put no you dont need to have family as bridesmaid

and

while im aware you seem to of bailed in case you (or anyone with similar views) read this I have to say the bit I found offensive was the line 'since she will never get married herself'... says who???

mentally and/or physically disabled people get married and have relationships all the time, as an ex carer I find this a very offensive statement - Ive cared for many mental challenged people who have been married and/or had children (and yes 2 of them need to live in assisted housing) and they where perfectly happy... assuming that someone cant be a part of 'normal' things like marriage, parenting, relationships etc... is just ignorance in its highest form

Oh my God, you lot do love a witch hunt don't you???? First the poor woman who dared state she didn't want a pregnant bridesmaid and now this poor Hitcher, who in my opinion has done nothing wrong either. Unlike the rest of you, I would never dream of commenting on a life-long sibling relationship, the details of which none of us can possibly know or understand. But what I will say is this - I fully support her in being concerned about having such an overweight bridesmaid - and also agree that for the vast majority of large people, it's sheer laziness that stops them from doing anything about it (see the current post about losing weight - people who care about their image will shake themselves up and do something about it for an important occasion like a wedding). The fact of the matter is (and deep down you all know this but will just never openly admit it), overweight people don't look as good in clothes as slim people so I wouldn't want to spend money on a bridesmaid dress for an overweight bridesmaid .... (waits for the squawking to start up again)

That last post actually made me laugh.

What are your criteria for someone being attractive enough to be your bridesmaid? I didn't realise I needed to have an America's Next Top Model style competition to pick my bridesmaids.

Wow MOB14!

Your right in that many brides wish to go on a diet because it's their day and they want a particular style of dress etc - I definately fall into this catagory! But it's not a bridesmaids wedding - I wouldn't expect any of mine to lose weight and I picked my bridemaids because they are my friends not because of their size, shape, height, hair colour or how they will look in photos. Everyone also has a different shape - what suits one person may not suit another regardless of size!

TBH I'm not bothered about how anyone looks in photo's its more important that I am marrying the person I love with the people I care about around me and that we all have a great day and it's fun!

What you do with your wedding is your business - I don't agree with your perspectives or attitudes and I think if you voiced them with anyone in person - mum, sister, cousin, friend then they would probably give you a look of slight horror and disappointment.

You have joined two unlinked statements and use of 'so' indicates that you feel the second logically progresses from the former. It does not.

I am happy to admit that, in very general terms, tall and thin people make better clothes horses than short and fat people (for most clothing styles, although I can think of a couple of notable exceptions). I don't actually think this a particularly controversial statement, despite your attempts to make it so. There is a reason the catwalks of the world are populated by willowy forms. However, I fail to see why that premise necessarily leads to not wanting to spend money on a dress for someone who is overweight. As Peanut said, my wedding was not a Vogue fashion show and my bridesmaids were not selected according to their vital statistics.

Would a fat bridesmaid look better in most dresses if she dropped a few pounds? Perhaps. It's an interesting discussion on how the fashion industry is massively biased towards thin people anyway.

Should you exclude a dear friend because she is fat and someone thinner might look better in the dress you are providing? Well, you see to think so, and that makes you as repellent a person as the OP.

There was no need for the OP to bring her sister's weight into it. "I'm not close to her and don't want her to be BM, what shall I do?" would have sufficed. By bringing up weight, the OP is showing that, in fact, it is quite an important issue to her. As I say, repellent.

My bridesmaids are a size 8 and a size 22, they are wearing the same dress and both look stunning. It is irrelevant that one is classed as overweight.

Ok, as expected, I'm now the subject of the latest Hitched witch-hunt because of my views on weight, but I actually couldn't give a toss, at least you've moved on from the OP.

I would have no hesitation in voicing my opinions to my mum, sister, close friends etc etc, because they would be of the same opinion as me and that's that. We all care about our health and our looks and always aim to look our best. We might be brutally honest, but better that then tell someone falsely they look amazing when actually they look like the back end of a bus!! It makes me laugh that anyone who doesn't fall in line with the humdrum and boring opinions of the majority get verbally attacked. But attack away, I'm sure you will, like I said I care not a jot!

Your views on weight, like the OPs are unreasonable and downright offensive. As a person who is of over average weight, I can assure you that laziness is not the root of being overweight. Nor do I look like the back end of a bus! I am not beautiful, nor am I ugly. But...nor does my beauty or otherwise rely on my weight, but on my personality and my treatment of others.

For all I know, you are the most beautiful model in the entire world, but your views make you ugly. Being "brutally honest" does not make you a nice person. It makes you tactless at best and downright cruel at worst. I know you will pay no attention to what I say, because people who think looks are the most important aspect of a person never do, but I pity you. One day you will be old, have wrinkles, faded eyes and even bingo wings and maybe you will even be larger than you think is healthy.

You're going to be miserable. Good luck!

Oh and this isn't offensive??! This is a prime example of what I've said before about this community. For your information, compared to you I am old (fifties) and undoubtedly have wrinkles etc, but I always make the best of myself and look as good as I can (but certainly not a model!!). Over the course of two years, I've lost two stone in weight, gradually and carefully, and now feel brilliant. So I do feel qualified to speak out and I know that losing weight isn't easy. But don't hide behind any excuses (unless there's a medical reason and if you refer to my original post I did say the vast majority of overweight people, not every one).

If all that is true, then you should be ashamed of yourself for getting to your age and not having learnt to judge people for who they are and not what they look like. But, as I said, people like you dont pay attention. If you had, you would know that I am 42, marrying a 50 year old so I don't consider you to be old.

I judge people by who they are and what they look like, because if they haven't got a valid reason for not looking their best, I probably won't waste much time on them (and I've wasted far too much time on this post!)

I judge people by who they are and what they look like, because if they haven't got a valid reason for not looking their best, I probably won't waste much time on them (and I've wasted far too much time on this post!)