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Bridesmaids/family advice

22 August, 2014 at 11:40

Posted on Planning 40

Hello everyone, I wondered whether I might be able to get some advice/an outside perspective on a situation that I'm really stuck on. I'm only just engaged (1 month ago) and so haven't really done any planning for my wedding and probably won't get married until 2016, however I do have an idea of...

Hello everyone, I wondered whether I might be able to get some advice/an outside perspective on a situation that I'm really stuck on.

I'm only just engaged (1 month ago) and so haven't really done any planning for my wedding and probably won't get married until 2016, however I do have an idea of who I want to be my bridesmaids.

I was speaking to my mum last night and she found out that I wasn't planning to have my sister as a bridesmaid (my sister is a disabled adult living in sheltered accommodation, she's mentally disabled, but it's not too severe, she's also about 4ft10 and around 15 stone) and she got very angry and upset with me.

My mum said that brides always have their sisters as bridesmaids (is that true?) and that especially as she's disabled and won't ever get married herself she should be in my wedding.

I'm not that close to my sister, and so I'd prefer to have friends that I'm closer to as my bridesmaids and who can actually help me with wedding things rather than having to be looked after. Also for very shallow and selfish reasons I don't want her to be a bridesmaid as she's so overweight.

My fiancé doesn't have any siblings to include and my brother isn't going to be a groomsman (although I am going to ask him to walk me down the aisle as my dad passed away a few months ago). I was planning on giving my sister a special job, possibly reading a passage about love (Corinthians) that we had at my Dad's funeral, which I thought was a lovely tie in as my dad won't be there and maybe announcing us as Bride and Groom, so that she feels involved and more special than being a bridesmaid.

My mum told me she was planning on putting some money into the wedding, but that she'll only do that now if I have my sister as a bridesmaid (on the condition that she loses a lot of weight - which is very unlikely anyway). I could agree to this, as it's unlikely my sister will lose weight. But I am unhappy that my mum is basically trying to blackmail me into this and that she's already making demands.

She also hinted to my sister that I might have her and now my sister keeps asking me who my maid of honour is going to be.

I don't know what to do, and I'm feeling rather stressed and upset about the situation. What does anyone think of the situation?

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40 replies

  • ClaireyLou85
    Beginner July 2016
    ClaireyLou85 ·
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    I just wrote a looong post, but deleted it, because to be frank I think all this is utterly insane.

    Discrimination is repellent, judging people by their size is also repellent.

    Also, discrimination cuts both ways - the OPs mother is being equally bad for treating her sister like a child because she has a disability.

    But anyway, OP, it's your day, do what you want to and don't be strong-armed. You can always elope.

    Here are some kittens. Can we all please calm down now?

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  • Chucklevision
    Beginner July 2015
    Chucklevision ·
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    Hmm I've been watching this thread with a bit of interest & a bit of horror. I have to say I view the world slightly differently to you. I take people by who they are & their actions. Whilst I take care over my appearance, the appearance of others matters not a jot to me. I should imagine your view point goes both ways because I can't imagine giving someone who is so shallow the time of day either. The weight of a person is the business of THAT person only .

    You mention that you had weight at one point so presumably you were a fat lazy person who looked like the back end of a bus too. Well done for getting it together to change that but it surprises me that people that were once in that position have no empathy.

    I'm struggling to understand why someone's worth should be linked to their weight.

    Maybe I take offense because I am a chunky monkey....

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  • S
    Beginner November 2014
    Sazzle24 ·
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    My dad has been ill since I was 11 so the past 13 years have not been normal for me either as you state in your post you want something to be normal for once. Well he's physically and mentally disabled and is now living in sheltered housing. He is giving me away. Regardless of anything she is your sister, your immediate family and for selfish reasons (as you've stated yourself) you don't want her as your BM. You're not the only one who has had a hard life and quite frankly coming across as spoiled. If my sister was disabled then you know what she can have her own way all the time, that wouldn't even bother me. Sorry but I'd be surprised to see anyone supporting your post. And if you're not close to your sister then that's probably your doing. As you stated yourself she's disabled. Read your post back and see how you come across.

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  • ForTheLoveOfMrsBrown
    Beginner January 2012
    ForTheLoveOfMrsBrown ·
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    Oh man, I need to commit this statement to memory. Then anytime I feel like I've been unkind, or unfair, or a bit judgy, I can remember it and feel better knowing that at least I never said this.

    Look at what you've said. Look. Do you not see how terrible an attitude that is? I mean, really, you don't see anything wrong being like this?

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  • MadamRed
    Beginner April 2017
    MadamRed ·
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    I wrote a long post about this, but instead I'm just going to leave this here:

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