But what if i don't want to change my last name?

For you maybe, but not for everyone. Not for me, for one. It's fine to want to change your name as a personal decision, but blanket statements like this will always annoy people, because it seems like you are denigrating their choices or implying that their marriages are somehow 'wrong' or 'not real' because they didn't do the same as you. Maybe you don't mean that, but that's how it can come across to others.

tl;dr: Let's just all be tolerant and respectful of each others' choices, mmkay?

To be honest, even that sentence sounds as if you're being judgemental of those marriages where the partners do not share the same surname. You may not have meant it that way and I'm sure you can see that making generalisations is not helpful. You are posting a public forum where people will be making very different lifestyle choices from your own. If you make generalisations you're likely to hurt someone's feelings and are going to get pulled up for it...

Anyway...I took H's surname and can safely say that of all the things we did when getting married it had the least impact on our relationship. It's just a name not a new identity. I would not describe it as a big part of being married.

You say it is a big part of getting married - I think that kind of answers your question doesn't it? You should really be taking your own advice and take his surname if it's so important.

I used to be a Smith til I changed mine by deed poll. I agree, it's pretty dull! I was very happy to be rid of it, not cos of any issues in my relationship with my parents, I just always hated having such a common name.

I've had a similar wobble about changing my name but have worked through it with both my OH and family.

Growing up I had my mother's maiden name (deadbeat father) ad when she married my stepdad she changed her name. Both my siblings have the same name as my mum and stepdad so I was the odd one out. When I was about 10-11 I was given the chance to change my surname and refused. Partly because I love my name and it reminds me of how much my mum had to sacrifice to look after me (She was very young and got kicked out when my grandparents found out she was expecting at 16), but also my first name is the same as a certain football team and my stepdad's surname is another football team.... School would have been unbearable!

At first I thought I would definitely change my name when I got married. I happen to like my OH's name. But the more I thought about it, the more I thought I couldn't change my name just like that for similar reasons in pp's. This is who I am and it's who I've been since...forever! My OH realised this and encouraged my to keep my name and just add his on.

I also spoke to my mum ad she was so pleased I was thinking of keeping my name, she told me she regretted not hanging onto her's. Coming from a matriarchal Jamaican family, I can't think of a better way of honouring my mum as well as OH's Polish roots.

I've just rambled, haven't I?!

Bottom line: You should have a serious talk about it with your OH. It's obviously very important to you. It should be something you both have an opinion on, but ultimately it's your choice. HE shouldn't be able to vito (what I think is) a reasonable compromise.

x

It should absolutely be your choice if you change your name and if your H has an issue with it I would question which decade he was living in.

FWIW I did change my name but my H wasn't bothered either way. I just preferred his surname.