Buttonhole Politics...!

You can't actually stop guests from wearing a buttonhole that they've bought themselves but you can tell FMIL that you are getting buttonholes for wedding party only.

I would just say that your buying button holes for wedding party only, and your advice would be for your guests who wish to wear one - to pick one that will suit their outfit? I've worn buttonholes to weddings before and never thought of matching the wedding flowers? I've always just let the florist pick pending on my outfit.

As Nutella says, you can't stop people buying their own, and they often do especially the ladies, but you don't have to provide them for all the guests only the principal wedding party.

I remember having the exact same problem with my mother. I only wanted the wedding party to wear button holes. but as she was paying for the flowers she was having what she wanted - as you can imagine this didn't go down well.

She wanted button holes for my side of the family but wasn't willing to pay for the grooms side to have them. In the end she ordered them but as the additional family members presumed they wouldn't have button holes they never picked them up from the hotel reception (civil ceremony) to wear them.

to be completely honest i only realised this after the wedding day. i diodn't even notice on the day it's self.

also this year we went to my cousins wedding and my mum decided to my our family button holes to wear. without asking my cousin. me being stubborn hence the name decided not to wear one as i hadn't been asked to. plus the fact the pin would of snagged my dress

don't know if any of this helps

Just say you're not having buttonholes for the family and hope she takes the hint. She might just not realise it's common not to have them these days rather than trying to be disrespectful of your wishes.

You can't really stop guests wearing them if they want to. My SIL is a florist, so to family weddings (inc cousins, family friends etc), H and his brothers and dad always wear a buttonhole to match their outfit (or whatever SIL has in stock!) and the girls wear wrist corsages or hairpieces, again to match their outfits.

I'd just say to your FMIL that they should just choose whatever colour they want. They won't be as fancy as the bridal party ones and honestly, I couldn't tell you who wore a buttonhole to our wedding and who didn't.

I keep reading the thread title wrong ?

I can understand why you'd be upset, but as others have said you can't really stop others turning up with one.

You could perhaps make it known to your mum that you'd prefer if only the bridal party had them and that it would put you in a difficult/awkward position if your family had one, but not OH's. Hopefully she'll understand and hold off a bit.

As mentioned earlier, it is probably most diplomatic to tell people you are ordered buttonholes for the wedding party, but if guests want to wear one, they should select one in a colour that matches their outfit. I know a bit how you feel, I'd be a little irked if someone wanted to match into my wedding but then it is kind of sweet and guests always wear buttonholes, I wear one to every wedding I go to, its just polite.

If she insists on getting her own buttonholes you could ask her to get, for example, red ones, but then your wedding party will be having, for example, white ones. That way your wedding party still stands out and you're keeping her happy by letting her have her own buttonholes.