Can I have flower girl & pageboy just at ceremony- not reception?

The only children that will be at our wedding are my two children and my nephews.

My children fight and if any of the four children were disruptive I would still want them there because I love them and they're an important part of my life.

I do think it's a bit mean that you don't want them at the reception if they play a part in the ceremony. ?

Can't you get them lots of things to do during the reception? Also as most of their relatives are at the reception, couldn't you put them on seperate tables?

I don't think it's fair to ask the parents to bring them and take them home again and if it was me being asked to do that I wouldn't be totally happy but it depends on if the parents can logistically do it and whether they want a night off without the kids there or not.

My sil has 2 kids and they got someone to collect them about 8pm as they wanted a night to themselves but I never once asked for the kids to leave early and was pretty gutted to be honest.

Why would you do that? Children are children, and behave like children, but they are great fun. I really don't understand this "no children at weddings" thing sorry, makes me quite angry actually. I'm inviting 28 children. ?

Good for you inviting 28 kids, you can obvioulsy afford it. I will be fitting the bill at £30 per head for children over 2yrs hence, if I had 28, that would be £840! I obviously dont have children, & know several parents that enjoy an adult night out, without kids running around & having to keep an eye on them. I'm not saying kids arent great fun, I just dont want them at my wedding.

What about your Godson though? Without sounding rude, you don't even want him there.

Yes, would like godson there, & his 2 sisters & my cousins kids & friends kids there, but where do you draw the line? Do I just have relatives children? Or just kids in the bridal party? As I live in UK & wedding is abroad, I have only met my godson a max of 6 times & he is only 6. I doubt he would even know who I was, but I think it would be memorable for them to at least be in the wedding ceremony.

I think ultimately it is your and your H2B's deciosn. However, in my opinion if you do not want children at the reception then you shouldn't have them involved at all. It would be a little mean to have them for half of it and then pack them off, they would probably be too little to understand why and it may cause upset with them and the parents too.

MAybe you could come up with a compromise where they go back at a certain time to give you the adult atmosphere for the rest of the evening.

I do think its reasonable for you to only allow certain children at the wedding though. Just because you have invited some children doesn't mean you should have to invite every child of people on your list.

Hope this helps x

Thanks laura & others for your comments. I shall rethink the whole thing & maybe just have those kids in the ceremony come to the reception, or none at all. I have plenty of time to consider the options.

I think it's either don't have them or have them for the whole thing, sending them home after the pictures seems a bit unfair

As someone who doesn't have any children I can totally understand - I know kids can be disruptive, shout in the wrong places.. But I have made the decision that one day I am going to be a mother and I wouldn't like mine to be excluded from anything I was doing.

I understand there is a significant cost implication -have you tried talking to your venue about this? It seems unfair for them to assume a 3 year old eats the same as an adult,! Ours is 70% reduced for under 5's and 50% off for under 12's, which I think is fair considering the amount of food they will be eating.

Utlimately though - it's our and H2B discretion and I think you should do whatever you need to do in order to have a good time.

I have accepted that one of my 2 4year old nieces probably will come up to me when we are taking our vows and ask if I want one of her rose petals and that my 2 year old nephew will scream the church down or talk through the ceremony at the wrong time... I am taking it as adding to the charector of the day! But if thats not right for you - fair play!

I think your second message sums up the choices - either have certain kids at both or don't have the god children at the ceremony. we're only having family children - and if other people with kids can't see that's different then they can sulk about it.

Re the disruptive thing perhaps you can have a word with the mum (and dad?) and see what they suggest? Or perhaps you can have the kids alternating with other people so it goes Kid Mum Dad Kid 2?

So what do you think the parents will be able to do with them after the ceremony?

I wondered about that - I would have thought also that if people from the UK are bringing kids then you'd have to have all of them - you can't expect people to find babysitters in a foreign country. But she said something about only have met the godson a few times so I'm wondering whether the kids lives abroad.

I totally understand you not wanting to have children at your wedding.T

he only child under 9 at mine will be my nephew, the others are cousins who are travveling from australia and they have a part in the wedding (youngest one will be 14_ and my 2 step nephews ( youngest one will be 9)

All of the children that are being invited will hve a part in the wedding.

I can see you reason for wanting them to play a part, but you cant no invite them to anything else. Are you sure your venue doesnt do half price for kids? mine is half price up to 10 years old.

Im sure you will find a way of making everybody happy

x

Sorry, I thought in your opening post you didn't want your Godson there because he was 'disruptive' and 'argued endlessly with his sister'. Maybe I read it wrong?

Your Godson may not know who you are but his parents chose you to be his Godmother and I think it would be quite snide to turn around and say to them that you only want him at ceremony, especially after they've shown you how much you mean to them by asking you to me his Godmother.

I was just about to write the exact same thing, i know i wouldn't want to leave my future kids with a sitter in a foreign country!!

If you've only met your godson a few times then why do you feel the need to have him involved? I see my nieces and nephews at least once a week and i'm not even having them so i'd never consider a child who i've only met 6 times times in 6 years.

I think the OP lives in UK, but all her guests live abroad so I'm guessing her Godson also lives abroad, if I remember correctly from another post.

RaeF & brideseekingblush, to clarify things. I live in UK & H2B is British, but I'm from Aus originally, hence getting married there. ALL guests except parent in law live in Aus & most locally to venue, so kids wouldnt be in a foreign country with an unknown sitter. The £30 per head for kids is 50% of the adult price. Things are priced per head there, rather than an overall costing. Will be having a blessing + party on return to UK, so paying for 2 weddings.

I'm not worried about cost of wedding party children at reception. I just wanted some opinions about whether anyone had just had children for the ceremony only, how people felt about it, & what the outcomes were. The reception usually doesnt start till later in Aus, so the kids maybe asleep by 7pm, therefor parents may prefer them to be in a bed, rather than a push chair in the corner. I shall ask their mothers what their thoughts are & go from there. In general people think they should come to the reception also, & thats all I wanted to find out, so thankyou everyone.

I am actually having a "budget wedding", in a lovely wooden-floored village hall and we are having "afternoon tea" and in the evening a sit-down "crepe dinner". Some of the 28 kids invited are babies so I won't count them as they won't really be eating scones and clotted cream!! Most are ages 2 to 6. We are spending less than £1000 on the whole catering.

Of course come parents enjoy an adult night out, but it's not a night out, it's a wedding! And you can't ask for your godson to be there at the ceremony and then go home for the rest of the day, I find that really mean. It's possible some of our guests will choose to go home earlier because of their children, I know a couple will have their son picked up early evening by the grandma, but that's their choice. I'm not a parent yet but when I am, I would probably decline an invitation if I couldn't bring my kids... couldn't afford to get presents, maybe pay for a hotel AND a babysitter...

Anyway, I have strong views on this, and I know some ladies have opposite strong views, that's the way it is ?

I agree with froggy, but i think this maybe because i am a mum. I wouldn't dream of saying to people that they couldn't bring their children. If they decided not to bring their children because they want time on their own (although i would find this strange as i see weddings as a family thing) i would except it because its their children and their choice. But to say you can't bring your children is a bit harsh. If someone said that to me i couldnt bring my son to a wedding i would decline the invitation. My wedding day is mine, my h2b's & our sons, i see the day as more of a complete joining of our little family rather then just about me n my hubby.

And to invite the children to be part of the ceremony and then tell them they then have to go home while everyone else is going to have fun will be really upsetting for them.

I understand you may not want other children their at all, but i think you should definately have the ones that are part of the ceremony, come for the reception.

Good Luck in what you choose to do

x