Can we be refused a church wedding?

First of all congratulations.

Why do you want to get married in church if you don't go?

Most churches will require you show some commitment to the church by attending services before your wedding. They may also ask you to attend a marriage course.

They are within their rights to refuse to marry you if you refuse this, and I doubt they would consider a lack of babysitter as an excuse. Children are usually very welcome at church, even if they find it difficult to sit still or are a little noisy - this is understood.

I should imagine that the church would require you to attend for 6 weeks or so before the wedding. It will also show respect to the church you want to get married in ?

In answer to your question "yes" you could be refused a church wedding but it all depends on the priest/vicar and how things are done in your parish. The best way would be to arrange to meet up with them to discuss it.

As for your children, they would be more than welcome in the church services, there are loads who come along to my church and there will probably be a little "sunday school" type thing where the little ones get taken out during the mass to do some painting or read stories.

Just to add, if there is a requirement for you to attend x amount of weeks before your wedding, remember you kids will be 2 years older by then, so it might not be as much of a problem.

We are getting married at a church near the reception venue not our local parish and have been asked to demonstrate a qualifying connection. These are the ones our church gave us:

__ A I was baptised in the parish (by a Church of England service/form of baptism)

__ B I have been confirmed (by a Church of England service) and my confirmation

is entered in a register belonging to a church or chapel in the parish

__ C My parent or grandparent was married in the parish by a Church of England

service

__ D I have had my usual place of residence in the parish for at least 6 months *

__ E My parent has had his or her usual place of residence in the parish for at least

6 months during my lifetime_

__ F I have habitually attended public worship at Church of England services in the

parish for at least 6 months **__

__ G My parent has habitually attended public worship at Church of England

services in the parish for at least 6 months during my lifetime**

Therefore anyone that resides in that parish is entitled to marry there no problem. I'm not sure if this varies by parish though so speak to your Vicar

Short answer : yes, they can refuse.

Long answer is: there will be specific requirements, including church attendance, for you to get married in a CoE church. Mostly you have to live in the parish, attend regularly, agree to meet with the vicar (sometimes several times) beforehand to discuss your marriage and vows, and confirm that you were both baptised. Oh! And not be divorced.

You can ask for a bishop's order to get married if you do not meet those requirements, but these are only issued in certain circumstances - such as having a specific personal and religious connection to that church and the parish.

I honestly wouldn't get married in a church as I feel it's hypocritical to not attend or contribute to the place, but then expect to have use of it. But please don't take that personally, as everyone is different.

Schwelly - I had a friend who did this and they expected once a month, but check with your church. X

Make sure you ask the vicar Schwelley.

OP the short answer is yes, but depends on your vicar. Children are welcome at church services and most churches have some activity for the little ones whilst the adults do their thing.

I think you'll have to bite the bullet if you want to get married at a church. You'll defo have to do the marriage prep course.

Schwelley - double check as I think they differ. We're also marrying at the church next to our venue and ours have asked us to go 3 times in the six months prior to the wedding. Although we're going there at least every couple of months since we got engaged. They had a 'guest vicar' there once who we were chatting to and he said we needed to attend once a month but we clarified this with the benefice officer who said it varies from place to place but as far as they were concerend this was an outdated rule and that the 3 times was sufficient.

To the OP I think at the very least its good manners to attend a few times at least if you want to marry there - as far as I know I think also just one of you can go, and this still meets the attendance criteria if babysitting is a real difficulty. Although the list Moonbeam provided is the same as what we were told too, so if its a church within your local parish you may not need to attend - probably best to speak with them.

I totally agree that you don't need to go to a church to believe. However, if you're not comfortable attending church for whatever reason, I don't really understand why you would want to get married in one, and I suspect many ministers would feel the same.

My understanding is that you have a right to marry in your local parish church, unless there is a reason why they would not marry you. The rules are different for YOUR PARISH than they are for brides who try to marry in parishes where they do not live.

The main grounds I'm aware of for your own parish church to refuse would be if the vicar does not marry divorced couples, but you don't appear to be in that category. It is possible they will expect you to attend on a monthly basis for at least 6 months or even attend a marriage prep class, but don't worry about this. Just see what they say.

It is easier to meet the requirements to marry in your own parish church than at a church in a different parish.

Schwelley we've been told at least 6 times, starting from 8 months before to allow time for reading of the banns.

To those that question others desire to get married in church when they don't regularly attend - i find this a little harsh. Neither my partner or I attend church regularly anymore but getting married in church is important to us. We have both been Christened, grew up attending church and both have our beliefs. I want my marriage to be in front of god, HOW i worship in the past, present and future may fluctuate but the fact remains that i do worship and have faith. I would never question other people's approach to religion. It's not our place to judge...

Yep - that's right they don't. And no one expects them too and then when it comes to the actual day its all part of the joy of a family wedding.

I am getting married June 2015 and have had the church booked since January 2013. It is not our local parish and is in fact about 200 miles away. We had a meeting with the vicar and as long as we gained a Marriage licence issued by the local Superintendent Registrar, after we resided in the parish for the required 8 days, then he is happy to marry us.

We do not need to attend church leading up to the wedding. when we did meet the vicar to talk about getting married in his Church, i did ask him if he has ever turned people away. He simply said yes, if he feels they 'are't ready' after the informal interview he gives then he says for them to return maybe a year later!

He was extremely lovely and can not wait for him to marry us!

Joan to avoid all doubt I would speak to the minister and ask what the process is. All churches and ministers will be different. That said, I cant see a minister being too happy about someone getting married in their church without actually attending a least a few times, so its worth considering this.

Bill. The OP was talking about her children not sitting still in a church service. Not a wedding. But thanks for the photos...again....

Oh yes I see now - you are quite right they were referring to the church service they would need to be attending inorder to qualify to be married and not the wedding service itself.

But the same still applies in that the Church embraces children and many have a little corner with books and toys for them, and whilst the two of them attend the service the other can take the kids to the toys or outside- that will still count as attending.

It's entirely dependant on the church and the minister, some will say if you have a connection with the church then you can.

The best advise would be to go speak to the minister of the church - they will ask you some questions generally why do you want to get married, why do you want to get married in a church etc.

My mum is a minister and is performing our service (but not the legal bit as it's not her church) even she grilled us on similar questions, I then got told off as I thought she was joking at first!

They are nice people - just don't ask for all things bright and beautiful as a hymn most clergy hate it as most people don't know any other hymn!

If it is a church of England Church and you live in the Parish and neither of you have been divorced then normally the vicar will be happy to marry you. We had a meeting with the vicar and he asked why we wanted to get married and why we wanted to get married in Church. I gave the most rubbish answers ever. We didn't have to attend any services but choose to attend when our bands were being read. Both H and I attend a non C of E Church and could have married there, unfortunately the building was too small. We got permission for an elder from our Church to do the sermon and we also got a friend who is a vicar to do the prayers.

Church cannot refuse you to get married there if you want to.

I regularly go to church, however not the church we are getting married in.

There are rules on the Church of England website which we read before we first met with the vicar and it was generally that you should worship at the church for 6 months prior to your wedding. He told us that once or twice a month was considered 'regular worship' although I have to say we wanted to go more often than that, simply because we wanted to get married in a place that meant something to us and felt like our own - the only way to do that is to regularly go

I'd say meet with the vicar because, in short, yes they can refuse to marry you and this did happen to my sister just 2 weeks before her wedding.

Me and my Oh aren't particularly religious now but I did go to Sunday school as a child. Getting married in a church just seemed like the one thing we didn't even have to think about. It was a church or nothing lol. Our vicar pretty much said to us that as long as we go and hear our banns read, thats all they expect from us. He said that he thought personally it was so easy to get married elsewhere nowadays that if the thing stopping people was having to attend church for 6 months before then why not cut out that expectation. The long and short of it is, churches need money to thrive and weddings are a big part of their income, so our church is just happy people want to get married there at all.

It's always nice to see wedding photos tho Rodney, Bill has such a wide selection!