Can your sexuality change?

I once read somewhere that sexuality is fluid....

Make of that what you will!

In Footlong's ideal world, nobody should have to define their sexuality as an innate characteristic (ignoring, for the moment, how the characteristic of sexual orientation might emerge). If it's ever necessary, it should be a transient adjective that best describes how your gender interacts with the person you are currently boffing. Nobody would have to 'come out'.

I think sexuality is fluid. In fact, I think many people would be surprised at how easy it could be to shrug off the label you have stuck to yourself, when the right person comes along...

I guess either is possible. Though my uncle is gay and my grandparents tell me they knew from him being 3 years old.

I met a woman the other day with a little 4 year old girl who was playing with batman toys and had a Spider-Man top on, and her mum said if she says good girl to her she says back no mummy I'm a boy.

But is that actually sexual orientation? No it's not is it, it's gender orientation. So if my uncles body matched his mind he would actually be a straight female.

Tis a very interesting topic.

Agree

Nothing fucks me off more when someone says 'I always knew you were gay'

I came out at 23 but had sexual encounters (I don't like to refer to it as $ex as looking back it wasn't sexually satisfying (for me at least)) with 3 girls which at that age is actually more than many 'straight' guys so by default does that make me more 'straight' than them? What gives such people the right to judge my sexuality when I am sexually more experienced with heterosexuality than they are?

Couple of questions to throw in the mix

Can someone who has never had sex know their sexuality?

Can you truly know your sexuality if you have not tried both?

Do any of you remember a time when you noticed your sexuality?

I can remember being in something like year 5/6 at school and realising that I was expected to like boys like all the others girls and having to choose a boy to have a crush on.

Interesting point about gender orientation...

Have you ever turned round and called someone out on it and said 'how, how did you know?' (and my resposne would also include why couldn't you have told me and saved me time??

? I'm going to remember this one for future reference.

Funky, cheers for the heads-up. One of Boy's home friends is gay - Boy claims to have always known. Apparently, they couldn't get him out to play football because he was too busy watching Heidi. Boy told him this when he came out.

Although somewhat pertinent to the conversation, said boy is currently in a heterosexual relationship.

I think you can, though experience can change things. Sexuality is about who you have sexual thoughts/feelings about as well as who you enjoy having sex with. I've had some crap sexual experiences with men, but they don't make me less straight!

I remember meeting a very earnest Christian medical student once, and the topic of conversation got onto sexuality. He was telling me how there was a guy at his church who "used to be a homosexual" but when he started coming to church and accepted Jesus into his life, he stopped wanting to be gay any more. I can't help wondering if a) it was a miracle, b) he was just hiding it much better and was miserable or c) his new-found faith had made him want to not be a "sinner" enough that he made himself believe he was straight.

Not sure it does change? I'm Bi, although Obvs married now (to a man - proper big hairy one). I am still as Bi as I ever was, being married doesn't change that. I'm a one person, one relationship girl. Also, I was probably aware of being bi since maybe Primary school age? Maybe earlier actually? I didn't admit it to myself until 18/19, and even then it was a bit confusing.

I find sexuality stuff hard to discuss and view, apart from the 'anyone can love anyone / find sexually attractive' POV, because that's all I know, iykwim?

I choose a boy, whom was a choice no one esle had made and was quite far out and himself utterly uninterested in girls. From that point on he actually became an object of interest for the other girls and satisfied them for quite some time without needing to question me again.

I still have no idea what I am or whether I will eventually decide upon a label or just keep wandering. I am fairly open about being attracted to women but have never actually got to that point of doing anything serious. As a teen craving attention the easiest/obvious choice was to have sex with lots of random young men. The pressure of my mother telling me she knew I was gay may have made me feel exceptionally reluctant to act upon that desire as well. Although as teen I never envisaged myself ending up living with a man let along marrying one.

I did wonder if saying I was bisexual was a cop out that I couldn't nail my flag to a post and was my sexual attraction to women the normal fluidity of things as opposed to being homosexual or was my heterosexuality just a reaction to my mother? So I can argue myself in circles?

ETA those are my views on my own situation as opposed to anyone elses IYSWIM?

If i was to tick a box it would be straight as im married to a man and have never been with a woman.

But, I find woman attractive (more so than men mostly). I think that sometimes there is just a right person (or people) for an individual and they can be either male or female. I fell for H and his personality and character, if i had found similar in a woman, why would i not be with her?

My brother is gay and i didnt always know but it didnt surprise me.

This is interesting and does sadden me a little.

My lack of faith is very much linked to my sexuality. If God made everyone he made gays too so if he 'hates fags' (in the extreme interpretation ) I don't think he can exist otherwise why did he make us?

Do you think it didn't surprise you because it didn't matter? I sometimes think that's what people mean when they say they always knew as opposed to actually knowing.

Probably because it didnt matter, i know he went through hell with family/friends, but we were brought up to respect that people can love either men or women, so i found it pretty normal.

I just don't particularly understand why he would "hate fags" so much, myself. It's never been properly explained to me apart from "The Bible says so."

Do you consider sexuality to be genetic or an conscious choice? There was an article on the BBC a couple of years ago https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-12825688 When it first went up on the website it was under the headline 'Gay gene found in mice' it was obviously changed to be a more accurate description of the research but it always left me horrified at the implications of homosexuality being a 'genetic defect' that they could 'treat' now they had found a gene.

I agree that it must be genetic rather than conscious choice, although I think society may influence peoples inner feelings such as in Helenia's earlier example.

If you asked me when I was younger if I would like a 'cure' for homosexuality (I'm talking in a proven medical sense rather than some crazy exorcists style expulsion) I would have jumped at the chance but now I'm comfortable with who I am no chance.

I'm a believer in love transcending gender and sexuality. Lust on the other hand, is easier to label. E.g. I fancy men but not to say I wouldn't fall in love with a person regards of gender, does that make sense?

Neither, both and other.

I don't think genetic makeup is especially important. I think developmental factors are probably the key here - how ones brain develops, whether you got a high dose of a particular hormone as an embryo, and so on. I think social factors might play a little role.

I hate the obsession with the, thus far largely unsuccessful, attempt to pin sexuality on genetics. As you say, that opens the door to 'correction' theories. However, I am aware that some of my gay friends would welcome such a breakthrough, because it goes some way to explaining their own personal struggles.

Genetics, choice, development, social influence? I mean, who cares? If we can answer the primary question - why the f*ck are we obsessed with what consenting adults do in their private lives? - society would be far more enlightened than if we identify that 'a drop in chemical X when babies are developing is correlated with a small increase in frequency of people identifying as homosexual' (or something similarly dry).

Well, having seen *those* pictures of wickywack.........! ?

In all seriousness though, I'm a big believer in loving the person, not the gender. I don't think it matters who you love / shag / whatever, as long as it's consensual and you're not harming anyone. Having said that, I've always had relationships with men. I find women aesthetically pleasing; they generally look better than men, but not sexually attractive.

For example, I can look at a woman and think 'Wow, she looks really great!' but I don't look at women and think 'Phwoar, I'd like to boff the clunge off that!'

And usually, the 'Wow, she looks really great!' is followed by '***.'

I don't at the moment feel like this would ever change. I wouldn't purposely avoid having a same-sex relationship, but I wouldn't force myself into one either for the sake of appearing 'interesting' or 'exotic'. There's NOTHING worse than faux-lesbians who put on a show of 'Oooh, am I? Aren't I? Oooh, let me snog my best mate and feel her tits' in a pathetic attempt to rouse male attention.

And I think you can fall in love with someone without that sexual element; platonic love is common, whether it be family, friends, whatever.

Hmm. Why did Hitched censor 'B*tch' but not 'shag', 'tits' or 'clunge'?

I don't know really know what my sexuality is. I've had feelings for women before but never really been brave enough to act on them. I'm now in a relationship with someone I love, am sexually attracted to and intend to be with for the rest of my life, so I feel labels are irrelevant at this point. I'm a fan of the spectrum theory: some people are 100% gay, some people are 100% straight and everyone else is somewhere in between.

I don't think it can change as such, I think people either supress or express it due to family/friends what have you. I also think that women are more likely to be open about attraction to other women. It seems more socially acceptable to people (well, round here anyway).

For some reason I think it's seen as more acceptable for women to be bisexual than men, and I think men are probably more likely to suppress any attraction they may have for other men for that reason. I have been in two relationships with men who previously had had sex with a man, and I know a lot of people who would probably find that very weird deep down, despite considering themselves very open minded people.

This is what I was trying to say but couldn't quite word it.

I would like to think that you just fall in love with a person regardless of gender. However, I have never been attracted to women sexually.........but as skep said I can appreciate the beauty of another woman (and be jealous lol) whether it is in looks or personality.

I went to Bham gay pride last month and met a great bunch of people and one of the questions you get asked is "straight or gay" when I spoke to one girl and I said I was straight she couldn't believe that I had never even kissed a girl! She was there with her husband and had had same sex realtionships before she met him.

I think it is a shame that people have to hide their feelings............it shouldn't matter the sex of the person more so how they treat and respect you.

he he he ?

I have to agree with the "loving the person not the gender"

Problems always seem to arise when you have to put yourself in a box, straight, gay, bi, etc - why should you have to choose!

There also (generalisation) seems to be a huge divide between gay men and lesbians which I find a bit odd, it was explained to me once but it never made much sense.

My 2 GBFs both had sexual experiences with women, despite 'always knowing'. With my bridesman I hate to say I "knew" but from the moment I met him in our uni block kitchen he was so camp I just assumed he was gay. It wasn't until 3 years later that he actually came out. Most of his friends and family were expecting it, except for our 2 of our female uni friends, both of whom he had dated, one of whom he had slept with and had to dump when he finally had to admit it to himself about how wrong it felt.

I would definte myself as straight. I do freely admit that I can find some woman attractive, however I have never wanted to take things further than just looking. I'm not sure if that's lust or jealousy though! I've drunkenly kissed one of my female friends when she grabbed me and went in for a snog, but she only did that to get a reaction from a man which I remember thinking was completely ridiculous.

I don't think there is any right age to do if I am honest.

Personally I am always quite shocked when I hear when someone 'came out' at 13 etc only based on my on experience of not having a clue at that age and once you 'come out' you cant just 'go back in' your 'outing' will follow you around the rest of your life and could have negative effects on future relationships.

I also cant imagine what it must be like going through school being openly gay I imagine there would be no end of bullying.

From the age of 16<21/22 I was a major druggy which killed any sexual feeling I had (for men or women) so when I stopped all that sh!t and with a clear head I realised what I wanted and had just moved to London so thought I wanted to start a fresh.

I only told my parents in September last year along the lines of "Dad I have some news, I am getting married, the person you think is my flatmate is actually my boyfriend" I promised myself I would only tell them if I ever got married to avoid any unnecessary upset. My mum took it very badly (we have not spoken since, not that we get on anyway so not fussed) my dads been great and is really happy for me, so I am glad I made that decision.

Many of my gay friends are not out to their parents.

Really? That shocks me.

I do think that sexuality can be fluid. I know people that have been in a same sex relationship for years and then ended up getting with a man shortly after breaking up with their girlfriend- their answer was that they fell in love with who the person was as opposed to what type of body that person was in.

I have a pondering- have you always known what you are? I am straight. I have no same sex tendencies at all. Sex with a woman makes me feel a bit iffy tbh. I have always fancied boys. So is the reason I have been set on this sexuality category since a young age due to the fact I am conforming to societies "norm" ? f you are gay/lesbian have you always known even if others had not and is this why gay men have sex with women or lesbians with men to try it out etc? Why dont straightpeople try sleeping with the same sex first and then go to the other?

I hope I have explained that properly. Am *** at typing, especially half a bottle in.

The reason there is some negativity towards bisexuals particularly women in the gay community is the fact that some (not all) bisexuals are just confused or want casual fun with women which often results in the gay woman who is sharing those relations to get messed around/hurt leaving them fill like a casual play thing.

The view of bisexual men among gay men is slightly different on the basis that some men feel like it is a conquest to 'convert' a guy that also sleeps with girls. Also bisexual guys are usually more butch and most guys prefer manly men.

I think there are 2 main reasons why there is a divide between gay and lesbians.

1- Many lesbians are very butch (like men) and many gays are rather camp (like girls) so similar to the hetro world a manly man is not going to want to hang out with girly girls and visa versa. You obviously have those that sit in the middle of both extremes (like me) who can happily hang out with the lads or with the girlies.

2- If you are gay and single and wanting to meet potential new partners you would not want to frequent a gay bar full of gay men if you are a lesbian and visa versa. Also lesbians obviously don't want to hear talk of willy's nor gay guys hear about fanny's. ?