Can’t find the dress

You might find it easier to go round on your own - sometimes, it can be hard to say no to a dress if those who have come with you love it. Plus, as you say, you can feel pressured not to 'bore' those who are coming with you!

Have you been able to narrow down a style/silhouette that you like?

I don't know why you are having so much trouble finding a dress, but from listening to other people talk, I've noticed that there are often two big issues involved. The first is that there is so much pressure to have a 'perfect' dress and a 'perfect' day - sometimes, reminding yourself that it is just a dress and you will only be wearing it for a few hours can take the pressure off! The second issue is that people often feel obliged to wear a dress that is 'extra' or 'outside the comfort zone' because it has to look extra-special, and maybe that person would prefer something closer to their normal style anyway. I had huge pressure to wear something 'more weddingy', but I went with a very simple dress because that's what I felt comfortable in. So maybe try to ditch all the expectations and just look for a dress that you like and feel comfortable in. (And realistically, nothing in life is ever 'perfect', so why would a dress be any different?!)

View quoted message Thanks for your reply. I do agree and feel like I’ve been trying to find something that has that wow factor but perhaps I do need to think about what I actually feel comfortable in.


I liked a slim fitting one from the first shop I went to which did have that wow factor but I didn’t like the top of it 100% and I always wanted a puffy dress so that threw me off a bit. I’ve tried on numerous puffy dresses now and if I like the top of it I don’t like how the skirt falls and vice versa. It’s hard to find one that is exactly what I’m looking for. Also with the puffy ones I only like the satin ones so they are a bit plain and maybe I’m worried about it being plain?
I am thinking of going to another one next week and just bringing my mum rather than my mum and sister and then if I still have no luck I might brave it and go somewhere alone!

I wouldn't overthink it too much. The only person who is going to remember what your wedding dress is like long-term is you! Even with my closest friends, a year or so after the wedding, I'd be struggling to come up with anything more than a generic 'long, strapless, slim-fitting' or 'long sleeves, full skirt' kind of description! And unless you are inviting the wrong kind of people to your wedding (the really negative kind) your guests are going to think you look great in whatever you wear. I've seen the whole range of bridal wear in my time, and every time, the reaction from most people has been 'how lovely'.

If you like the plainer dresses, then go for one of them. You can always dress it up a bit with jewellery or accessories, and I think there's something very classy and timeless about some of the plainer styles. Think of style icons like Audrey Hepburn or Grace Kelly who looked absolutely stunning in some very 'plain' clothes!

View quoted message That’s very true! And Audrey Hepburn and Grace Kelly are two of my favourite actresses!! I love their styles. I will see how it goes next week and hopefully I will find the one. Your advice has been really helpful x

Which city wise are you? I was the same till I went to my last one and just absolutely fell in love with their dresses !! I bought my final dress I tried on there

View quoted message Aw amazing! I’m hoping that happens for me haha. I’m near Manchester

View quoted message Ah that’s a shame I’m in Nottingham and found an amazing shop in Newark!

View quoted message Aw thanks anyway. I have a shop booked in for next weekend and I’m hoping I really like one in there!

I'm getting married next year, and this is my second marriage. The first time round I spent FOREVER trying to find a dress - went to so many different shops (mainly on my own) and everything was so lacy (which I didn't like) and not for me. Eventually, I found one I loved! This time round, I'm changing my mindset. The dress is only part of the day and I am going for a totally different style and no veil. I got too bogged down and stressed out trying to find "the one" last time round. This time I am being more open minded and less strict on myself...you wear that dress one day and it's not worth stressing over. I wish you loads of luck Lucy!

View quoted message Thank you Lynne! It’s so easy to get stressed out over the little things. And you’re completely right. I know it’s just a dress I will wear for a few hours and never again. It is just hard to not want everything to be perfect. I’m going to just try to find one that I like and not worry too much about it. But easier said than done haha. Hopefully will go well next weekend!

View quoted message I hear ya! It really, really is - that was me during my first wedding prep! Older and more experienced me has decided I just want a big party with loads of fun, and to scratch what anyone other than my fiancé thinks. Don't put too much pressure on yourself and enjoy it all Lucy!

View quoted message Thank you so much. I’ll try my best haha 🥰

I am in a similar boat as I have been to two wedding shops previously and found lots of wedding dresses I liked but they weren't the one for me. I'm waiting for that butterfly feeling as it is a dress that resembles a special day and you need to feel comfortable and special in it and when you look back at your photographs you can feel special all over again as it will remind you of your day. There will be a dress out there somewhere!

View quoted message Yes, that’s exactly what I’m waiting for! I’m sure there will be a dress out there. Just trying to be patient and don’t want to bore my mum and sister who I keep bringing along to dress shops with me 😂 I’m sure you will find the dress soon too!

One of my amazing friends was getting married and gave me the thoughts that have always stuck with me. Go with what is you. When she was trying on dresses, we went to Karen Millen and she got a white cocktail dress, with a black trim and she looked incredible! She wanted to wear something that was completely her.

15 years later, I took that open mind with me and found something I loved for my own wedding. Sometimes, you don't need that feeling of love at first sight, you just need to put something on that makes you feel great. Even if you don't pick that dress, you know the style that makes you you. Do that, be you, and don't do it for anyone else but you.

P.S. A glass of fizz never goes amiss whilst shopping. Squiffy shopping is the best

View quoted message Thank you! Such good advice. It’s definitely important to wear something that you’re comfortable in rather than something that’s not you just so that you can wow people. Will definitely take that into consideration when shopping x

View quoted message Thank you! I will have a look into that! X

I am looking for marriage with a urman girl who will take care of me and good and 25 years old

I went had my head set on what I wanted ( I don’t do dresses) Aha my dress is the total opposite to what I wanted. Try on something random, you may love it.
Happy shopping!

View quoted message Thanks Georgia. I’ll definitely try that. Going on Saturday!!

Thanks for sharing...

Hi,


Just wanted to let you know I’m the same. Of course I want to find something I love but if I can’t I’m just going to go with one I like. On the day with all the hair and makeup done etc. if you take always this idea of perfection then I’m sure you’ll find a lovely dress. For me the most important thing above all is that everyone has the best day. A dress will not make your wedding day beautiful. The love from all your guest will. Don’t give up hope and I wish you the best of luck x

View quoted message Thanks Charlene. I actually went dress shopping at the weekend and found a dress. I paid the deposit (which is non refundable) and now I’m having second thoughts and regret my decision 😭 been a nightmare so far and don’t know what to do now!

View quoted message When is your wedding? A dress shop told me that new ones are out in September. Would they allow you to choose a different dress if you wanted to? Don’t over think it. It is an important part but at the end of the day it’s just a dress. All the memories you make on the day are what’s important.

View quoted message Hi, the wedding is July 2025 but she said it’s non transferable so wouldn’t be able to switch dress. She said she may be able to ask the designer if I can choose one if they’ve not already processed the order but she said she would wait until Saturday bc I’m going seeing it again and I’ve looked at more dresses from that designer and can’t see any I like 😭

Poor you!

What did you like about the dress that made you put the deposit down? And what is making you have second thoughts now?

It might help to remind yourself that this is JUST A DRESS! Yes, it's an important one and you want to feel comfortable in it, but at the end of the day, it's just clothing that you will be wearing for a few hours - don't let worrying about it take away the joy of preparing for your marriage x

View quoted message I liked the shape of the dress I think and I liked the back of it. But I normally hate sequins and lace and I wanted just a plain dress but with lace on the train and the one I’ve chosen has sequins and beads and lace on the bodice of it and now i don’t know why I chose that. It’s also a bit plungey and I never wear anything low cut so I just wish I chose something more me rather than trying to be extravagant. I want to feel comfortable and like myself. And my boyfriend said he hates lace and anything like that and now I’m panicking bc he was like I’d love you in just a plain silk dress and now I wish that’s what I got bc I would’ve loved that too!


I am trying to tell myself I picked it for a reason so maybe I’m just overthinking it but I can’t help thinking my boyfriend will hate it and I’ll feel uncomfortable 😭

View quoted message Hope you manage to sort it out

View quoted message Thank you 🙏

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Why did you get it instead of the plain silk dress that you say you would have preferred? Mother's enthusiasm? Worry about needing to find something soon? Feeling that what you really wanted wasn't 'dramatic' enough for a wedding?

If it's just general insecurity about 'have I done the right thing?' then maybe trying it on again might help. But if you really feel you've been pushed (or pushed yourself) into buying something that isn't you, then it might be worth considering if you can afford to lose the deposit and buy a dress you like with what's left in your budget.

View quoted message I think it was a mixture of numerous things. My mum was getting bored of having to keep coming and even complained to my dad about it. But also I felt like I should be more extravagant on my wedding day as I don’t want to look plain

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You need to look like YOU on your wedding day.

Have a long hard think about whether you can feel comfortable in the dress you have bought or if it is a stretch too far. Is there anything you can do to make it feel more you? It might be worth talking to a seamstress about whether it is possible to raise the neckline or remove some of the lace and beading, but don't forget, the more alterations you make, the higher the cost.

The other option is to go dress shopping on your own and look for something that you feel comfortable in. If you're on a tight budget, just knock your 'lost' deposit off the amount you were budgeting for a dress, and shop with that amount. You could also look at mail order companies, which typically deliver quickly, are lower cost and simpler in style.

Whichever you decide, try not to worry about it. I know that right now, picking the right dress can feel overwhelming, but 10 years down the line, you'll laugh at how much stress it caused you! As for what your fiance thinks, whatever his opinion now, I can guarantee when he sees you walking down the aisle, he's going to love you whatever you are wearing. And nothing looks as good as a confident attitude - you can be wearing the most amazing dress in the world, but if you walk down the aisle feeling awkward, it will show. On the other hand, you could totally rock a bin liner with the right attitude. So work out what makes you feel good and stick with it - you've got this!