[Cash Bar] Is it rude?

Don't worry! Only in the US are they weird about cash bars being rude. The culture is totally different in the UK. I don't think I've ever been to an open bar wedding, but brits like a drink. On those crazy american sites they say it is better to have no bar than to have a cash bar, very not true in the uk! Here people would be appaled they weren't even allowed to buy a drink! Also Brits would probably abuse an open bar too much

Don't worry cash bars are the norm in the UK much more than free bars. Its definitely not rude. People are coming because they want to celebrate with you and if they are fed I'm sure no one would have a problem with buying drinks. They probably expect it. You are having a wedding you can afford and not get into debt. Sensible. Many people have big wedding but many people also have budget weddings. Each to their own choices and budgets.

Cash bars are definitely not rude, ours will be a cash bar after the drinks we are providing (similar to yourself actually) - I am so not paying for other people to get drunk!! What you are doing is perfectly acceptable and sounds great! As you say what is important is actually getting married and celebrating my with your loved ones, all the extras are nice but definitely not the important part!

I've only been to weddings with a cash bar. Well all the Asian weddings I've been to have free drinks but English ones are pay for your own. I've got a package that has an after ceremony drink and a glass of wine with dinner and that's it. I don't drink so will be swapping mine to schlur ?sp? I think they get 3 drinks in total maybe 4 including coffee after dinner. If people want more they can pay themselves.

I wouldn't worry about it if I were you. I think most couples have a cash bar nowadays. We're providing reception drinks, table wine and toasts but then it will be cash bar all the way! I've only been to one wedding where I didn't have to pay for drinks - the couple provided red wine, white wine and beer with an usher serving all night (felt so sorry for him!). I would have rather paid for my own drinks and had a bit more choice though.

There is certainly no point in delaying your wedding over it.

As others have said - I think this is much more common in the US. I'd never even heard of a free bar at a wedding until I watched American wedding programmes such as 4 weddings etc. I honestly wouldn’t worry about it. Our package includes a welcome drink, a glass of wine with the meal and a glass of fizz for the toast, however if it wasn’t included I think the only thing we would have paid extra for is an arrival drink. You’re even offering a choice of arrival drinks – I think that’s plenty.

I have never been to a wedding with a free bar and I'm sure no-one (except the mega rich and any trolls lurking) would expect you to lay on a free bar! x

Yep as everyone has said it does not really apply here -the phrase is a US concept - we just have a bar. Sometimes I have photographed a wedding where guests have been given a drinks token (as well as wine on the table and welcome drinks ).The drinks token idea allows the guests to an extra drink whilst keeping a lid on the cost, some sort of poem would of been written on the voucher. Or sometimes there is an amount of money behind the bar until it runs out, a few times it has been pointed out during the speeches that - say, Dad had put some money behind the bar, to loud applause.

Its not rude at all!! Dont worry yourself over it.

Everyones budgets are different - I've been to weddings with a cash bar and i think 1 or 2 where it was a free bar. I would never go to a wedding expecting a free bar!

Our package includes 2 reception drinks, 1/2 bottle of wine per person with the meal and then prosecco for the toasts.

We have decided to put some money behind the bar for the evening but that is only for wine, beer or soft drinks! If people want spirits they can buy those for themselves.

Once that money is gone, then its a complete cash bar.

Please dont worry about it though!!

My mum told me that cash bars are pretty much expected in a UK wedding. On the whole, our Weddings are far more low-key and no-one really expects it!

My brother got married and held the reception at a local restaurant and they had the same deal as you, basically. Drinks with the meal were free but after the speeches, you would have to pay.

It worked well and no-one complained

I think you'll be fine!!

Oh, I did go to a Wedding with a completely open Bar and I HATED it. I've never felt more pressured to drink in my life. The staff were overly helpful and constantly trying to give you more drink (ok, not the worst thing in the world) but when I told them I had driven so was only having one at the start of the night, they said "have more and get a taxi home!" Yeah... no. I know that was an isolated incident, but I'm not entirely sure it's a fantastic idea to allow your guests to get totally wasted

Every wedding I've been to has had a cash bar. We had an open bar at my work Christmas do and I had a 3 day hangover so definitely don't recommend them. People (myself as a fine example) drink way more just because it's free. I think you're much more like to run into drunken problems.

Lexi

Our wedding package includes prosecco for drinks reception, wine for the tables during the meal and prosecco for the toast. We're putting £500 behind the bar for wine, beer and soft drinks, then it's a cash bar otherwise the cost will be extortionate! I don't think people expect a free bar - it does differ by country though. No cash bars in US weddings I've been to, but all UK weddings have had cash bars, or turn into a cash bar once the max amount on the tab runs out. Everyone understands!

I would like to point out to all the negative comments about people having free bars, that I am not rich nor a troll. It is a family tradition of ours, and at any family occasion that people have paid for a present, new outfit and travelled to that event, they are accommodated with free food and drink for their entire duration of stay. Now I don't expect it from anybody else it is a choice you make, and when we went to my OH's brothers wedding we paid for our drinks so I'm not snooty. We had a budget of £6K and then added another £1k for money behind the bar. I would rather cut back on things like the cake, flowers and photography where I sourced cheaper alternatives. But each to their own I guess!

Charliebob, I don't think anyone meant to come across as offensive. I think how you feel about an open bar is all a matter of perspective. For example, at my first wedding £1k behind the bar wouldn't have gone very far at all - partly because of the number of people, but mainly because of what heavy drinkers my ex's friends and family were. I wouldn't think of having an open bar for this wedding, because I know that once my mates start drinking they won't think about the fact that I'm paying for it and with the cost of drinks at our venue it'd probably cost more than the meal!

If you know a lot of heavy drinkers, then your idea of what is required for an open bar is going to be higher and it's more likely to be something you associate with having lots of spare money. On the other hand, if you're having a smaller wedding or you know that your guests aren't prone to drinking the bar dry, then you're not going to see it as a big deal.

I just want to point out that open bars are more common in the US because venues often offer packages where you pay per person, not by consumption. So for example you might pay $10 per person per hour for a full open bar ($40 per person for a 4 hour reception) and this will be added on to the per person food cost. You also have the option to do just open beer and wine, or to offer an open bar for only part of the evening. I think because Americans drink less this is a pretty good deal for many venues because while there will be some heavy drinkers in every crowd, most people won't drink enough to cover the per person cost. But people are willing to pay the fee so they don't end up with a surprise on the bill at the end of the night. From what I've heard most UK venues only bill by consumption so it's much more expensive to have an open bar.

I have never been to a fee bar wedding nor would I ever expect to receive free drinks, although I suppose if you could afford it it’s a nice gesture. A lot of couples provide a welcome drink, toast drink and/ or a drink for the table with a cash bar available for those who want more.

Just be cautious of cash bar prices – some venues have high prices and your guests may not be very happy paying a small fortune on drinks. We are hiring a cash bar (our reception is in our village hall) and their prices are lower than average pub prices which we thought was quite reasonable.

As with a lot of things, it depends.

I have seen on this forum people who have floated cash bars as an idea where profits from the bar go back to the couple. That doesn't sit well with me.

However, I don't think it's rude for couples to offer select drinks, and anything beyond that is borne by the guest. If this is the case, the price of drinks should be a consideration when choosing a venue or suppliers because you don't want your guests gouged.

I do think it's rude to not offer anything. While weddings are expensive for the bride and groom (or their parents), it's also expensive for the guests. You wouldn't invite someone over your house and then expect them to bring their own drinks, but on the same token, they shouldn't expect you to serve their preferred beer. It's a balance.

The weddings I have been to have been a mixture of open and cash bars - and variations in between. I've seen people get very sloppy with a cash bar.

We had an open bar. We had servers that topped up wines (still and sparkling), beers and mineral water and took orders for those who requested drinks. I think this deterred people from going to the bar but I did see people there. Nobody took the piss (and there were some very expensive wines, spirits and champagne) and nobody was sloppy. Food and drink was something we prioritized because we felt this gave guests a great experience.

Different couples will have different priorities or have guests that if put with an open bar will end up in a state.

but you do though... its not like anyone goes to a dinner party at someones house without taking a bottle

even when visiting friends just for a night in you get offered tea of coffee but if you want alcohol you bring your own, I have NEVER been to a house party of any discription where you didn't take your own drinks

are there actually people out their that do show up to peoples house empty handed and expect them to not only put you up, entertain you and often feed you but also to pay for you to drink? ?

Guests bring a gift for the host, not for consumption even though the host can choose to offer it up.

I think some people are starting to miss the points of the original post a bit. Yes everyone loves an open bar but no it certainly isn't expected and nobody will think you are rude for not having an open bar. The more drinks you can offer the better, but the point of the day isn't free drinks all round. If you could afford to add in a glass of wine with the meal that'd be even better but I'm sure people won't mind if that isn't possible (and those who do are missing the point of why they are there!)

That may be true for dinner parties, but not house parties/discos. It is common practice in the UK to request that all guests bring their own alcohol to a house party.

The analogy for weddings would be providing alcohol for the wedding breakfast (dinner party), but expecting guests to buy their own for the evening reception (party/disco).

I have seen a few times where people have googled and sometimes have landed on American sites which then can lead to debates, Americans have their own traditions and concepts of etiquette and concepts of what is rude which in many cases are going to be completely different to ours, I would say its best to try to stick to uk sites for any wedding info.

But I think this is very interesting

I just don't think that we would see it in this country though, but saying that I have seen it at venues for NYE celebrations